depression

Natty68

I hope none of you mind if I pop on here. I have been suffering with clinical depression for over 12 years now and have had bipolar for approx 3 years now. I am on medication for both the depression and bipolar and so far everything has been going along swimmingly..until now.

I don't know why or how but for some reason I am slipping again. I am due to finish my therapy for good in a months time, and then Iave am being left to my own devices which frankly is terrifying me. I have been told to "divorce my duvet" several times but after a successful time of the "divorce" I have been creeping back to it. Trouble is its like a comfy pair of slippers and I feel safe and in control under there.

Everyone thinks I am doing so well, DH thinks I am coping really well that I haven't the heart to tell him that Im not. My neighbours/friends think that I am doing really well especially now I am finishing therapy and have beaten my depression..

To tell you the truth all I want to do is just curl up and wish the world would go past me for 6 months or so.. Yeah I know I am recognising that the SAD is starting to come crawling back, bit early though..

I am also isolating myself from people, as in dipping in and out of my groups and really just putting on a "happy" face for everyone when all I want to do is curl up and not see a soul.

Thank you for letting me ramble on here, and not really sure what I mean in this post but it helped me if you know what I mean..

*Hugs* to all on here..

moo_moo

I dont know how you email a hug but here is one for you =( )=. (it looks a bit like one?!?) I know so many people who have and do feel sad like you, just wishing it would go away.

I guess you are feeling low again will have something to do with your therpy ending and that must make you feel quite vunrunable (sorry no good with spelling) I too have been to those dark dark places and its always at the back of my mind that it will return. However many things have helped me help myself. When things/events, infact anything feels that to big or scary to deal with i break it down into little bits and always find my 'bottom line'. I too played the 'i,m fine' and in someways it does help however it also means you are lying to yourself and you dont deserve to do that to yourself. I also realised that in everything i do i always have a choice - not an easy one to understand for some people. You could tell yourself that you have the choice not to go under the duvet?!?. I also find living in the moment brings some peace as i stop myself worrying about whats and ifs. As for the winter i usually enrol on an evening course (if only to mix with others and focus on something totally unrelated to my home life)
I'm not sure if any of this help you. However i will add you to my list and when my magic wond arrives i will wave it for you and the many others who need it. take care and be nice to yourselfx

Tiff_2

Hi angel - Hi everyone
Rose - you will get through any future slumps the same way you have gotten through previous ones! Believe in yourself!
It's good that you are aware there may be future slumps - not everyone does & expects instant cures too - BUT hun, you will also have future highs and somehow, some kinda way, it'll all balance out in the end.
Go get 'em Professor Rosie! Well done. x

Tiff_2

Slayerx wrote:

Morning all, back to work today and I'm kind of looking forward to it.

Morning Slayerx - you have a great day angel - plus as low as you've felt lately, it's great to have proof that things DO go back up x

Tiff_2

kiansmummy wrote:

hi my experiencing are all on my website and still fighting to beat depression four years down the line, just when you pick yourself up you get knocked down again.

https://www.mummysblue.co.uk

Hi Kiansmummy - come on in!:hello:

Sadly there's no shelf life on depression is there angel? What's good is that you are a survivor and that you are "fighting to beat" it!
I heard a saying that goes something like
'If you get knocked down 7 times, get up 8!'
Just wanted to say hi and hopefully help with a few friendly words. As you'll know, people on here are great.
Best wishes x

Tiff_2

:grouphug:

Natty68 wrote:

I hope none of you mind if I pop on here. I have been suffering with clinical depression for over 12 years now and have had bipolar for approx 3 years now. I am on medication for both the depression and bipolar and so far everything has been going along swimmingly..until now.

I don't know why or how but for some reason I am slipping again. I am due to finish my therapy for good in a months time, and then Iave am being left to my own devices which frankly is terrifying me. I have been told to "divorce my duvet" several times but after a successful time of the "divorce" I have been creeping back to it. Trouble is its like a comfy pair of slippers and I feel safe and in control under there.

Everyone thinks I am doing so well, DH thinks I am coping really well that I haven't the heart to tell him that Im not. My neighbours/friends think that I am doing really well especially now I am finishing therapy and have beaten my depression..

To tell you the truth all I want to do is just curl up and wish the world would go past me for 6 months or so.. Yeah I know I am recognising that the SAD is starting to come crawling back, bit early though..

I am also isolating myself from people, as in dipping in and out of my groups and really just putting on a "happy" face for everyone when all I want to do is curl up and not see a soul.

Thank you for letting me ramble on here, and not really sure what I mean in this post but it helped me if you know what I mean..

*Hugs* to all on here..

Hi Natty :hello: - how are you hun? Just been reading through your post and wanted to say hi & put my 2p worth in;)
I think you've done amazingly well considering what you've been through angel. :j
It is bound to be scarey when you let go of the support network - try & think of it as they are still there but in the background. If you do need more help, it will be there for you. They won't let you fly solo if it's not time.
But angel, by now you should know that by not telling everyone how you really feel, you're cheating yourself and maybe setting yourself up for a fall. If they think everythings all right then of course they're going to want you to go on. People have been good with you for this long and they'll still be there for you.;)
It might not be what they want to hear because they want the best life for you, but it's better to be honest now than let things really fall apart. So pick up the phone, talk to your CPN/GP/Crisis Team and tell them how you feel - don't let all your hard work be for nothing!
Easier said than done. but through experience I know that sometimes you can surprise yourself with what you're able to achieve - I bet 4 years ago, you never dreamed you'd come as far ahead as you have come! You may surprise yourself Natty.
Tell DH after you speak to your team if you find it difficult to tell him or are you are worried about letting him down, as maybe your CPN can be there to offer you both advice. Thanks for being brave enough to post angel - now go to the mirror, be brutally honest with yourself, have a good cry and then let the world know what's best for Natty! Good luck hun - hope this helps a little...:grouphug:
Tiff x

Tiff_2

Hi Everyone -hope everyone's feeling ok - just wanted to send big hugs out to you all - talk later
Tiff x

rose07

thanks tiff your a hun

how are you doing at the mo? what going on with you?

hope evryone ok today, i had a strange moment whilst walking up the hill today, i was nt bothered if something hit me, went in to a kinda thinky zombie state anone else get this? as would be interested to know why?

hi natty, welcome
i just want to say to you well done for going and getting therapy and those things needed to keep you ok that can be part of the big part in keeping things going.
you say you feel your going back to how you felt after all the therapy sessions and things. do the sessions bring up things you find hard to deal with?
im with tiff on this as it were, she has already said most of the things i would. lol (you cheeky devil lol)
but all i will say is this tell people how you are feeling, and if they dont think you are ready then they wont let you go it on your own.
sometimes if you have had help for soo long and then its going to be taken away it feels like your safety blanket is being taken away, then this can brig back all kinds of worry and feelings of how you felt before as it can be you body and mind reaction to the feeeling of not having those people there.
but they will always be there if you need them, and be honest with your oh so they know how you feel.
keep strong hun
and we are here if you need it.
xxx

hows everyone else?
Mrs A, slayerx, flis, betty and anyone else i have missed?
hugs and love to all xxx

rose07

im having an awful night,
family havent been too nice
and my mates bro in hospital, am very worried
load of things on top of me tonight
i never ever ever cry and tonight blubbering my eyes out as i write this
think i need a drink might make me feel better
take care all
xxx

flis21

rose07 wrote:

im having an awful night,
family havent been too nice
and my mates bro in hospital, am very worried
load of things on top of me tonight
i never ever ever cry and tonight blubbering my eyes out as i write this
think i need a drink might make me feel better
take care all
xxx

Oh Rose, we are all here for you. Sounds like you are not having a good time. Don't beat yourself up for crying, it is a natural reaction when you are feeling low. Why are your family not being nice? Do they know what you are feeling?