depression

Tiff_2

hanging in there angel. Hope you're feeling better - you sound more grounded in this post. Thinking of you x

jellycat40

Had a really bad week last week. Ended up packing up all my things, getting together all my meds and planning to go to a hotel and end it all. Just could not see any point in carrying on.

Such a failure, tried to come off anti depressants and it looks like it hasn't worked. Luckily OH called the crisis team, he noticed what I was doing, and they got me through a couple of safe days then we went away for the weekend also to keep me safe. Then saw psychiatrist yesterday and more anti depressants for me. Venalflaxine this time.

Now I am back at home and it is as though nothing happened, drowning in housework, pile of ironing the size of etna and floors that you stick to when walking on!!!! The bathroom is a disaster area. All I can do is sit here or in front of tv.

Louise

Tiff_2

bettyboop61 wrote:

Morning all,

Flis I have been an in patient several times in our local mental health hospital, and it does offer a place of safety and an escape from the day to day things that really get on top of us when we are so low. But after being in there for several months, you do get too cocooned from the outside world and sometimes coming home again is just as stressful as being admitted in the first place. Now my local authority offer a go between from hospital, when I feel unsafe or desperate, we have a team called the Crisis Resolution Team, and they visit you in your own home for 2 weeks at the most to see you through your worst moments, they help you plan the small steps you need to take to get on with living again. It is only short term help, but it has proved very helpful to me as I don't really want to go back into hospital again.

Ok its monday, lets see how the week pans out for us all, I'm hoping this week will be better in any little way for us, they say its going to be a lovely day weatherwise today, do you think any of us will have 5 mins to enjoy the sunshine?
Love and hugs to everyone out there
Betty

Hi Bettyboop
The local CMHT (Community Mental Health Teams) are wonderful. I have the best CPN there is I think. it's good to hear that the Crisis Teams are helping people out.
The problem with being an in-patient is that as you say sometimes it can be for several weeks or even months, and during that time you are away from reality. So you get on an even keel and are discharged and they've planned some safety net for you but when you get home, there's however many weeks of life you've been gone, still waiting there for you and you get thrown in at the deep end. Yes, you've been helped and looked after but you've become kind of dependant on someone else doing everything for you and you must use that safety net of your team to ease you back into life by supporting you.
Big cheers for all the dedicated people such as CPN's, Support workers, Mental health nurses and yes, the pyschiatrists and psychologists and GP's!:T They must be under amazing stress when you think about how many people they have to look after, all the various illnesses and attitudes they come into contact with. Can you imagine a CPN with 30+ people like us to manage and help and plan for?!:eek:
Just wanted to say thank you to all of them for doing the job they do and that thry do make a difference. :A
x

Tiff_2

flis21 wrote:

I always read this thread every day, but most days I am too scared to post anything. But it made me feel really sad to read about Mrs A and bettyboop self harming, so i just wanted to say something in support and to let you know that people are thinking of you.

I get really black moods sometimes and it is difficult to describe, I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to carry on living. Sometimes I think about doing something to myself, so I can go into hospital for a while and get away from my life. I think it must be easier in hospital, as there would be no work, no household chores, no people to please, someone else to cook my dinners / make sure I take my tablets. I don't think i will do anything, but it is something I fantasise about sometimes.

Actually I am having quite a good weekend, went to the theatre with hubby yesterday afternoon and enjoyed it. Got a bit down and listless last night, but feel better today. Am off to my parents for a BBQ, which does mean putting on a bit of a show that I am ok (Mum can't cope with my illness at all) but I know it will be fun all the same. Just trying not to think about the dreaded work tomorrow.

It does help to post on here and share my feelings with other people who understand, no one I know has had depression like this (well, my sister had it for a couple of months after a car accident, but she didn't go off the deep end too much and recovered quite quickly) and so it is really lovely to read others posts and think yes I understand / have been through that. Just knowing I am not alone in this battle is comforting.

Hi Flis - you'd be amazed at what goes on behind closed doors ! If only we knew...
People get scared very easily of mental ill health because they haven't been thru it and don't realize that sometimes people take a lot longer to get well and on their feet. I'm glad you're having a good weekend but sorry to hear that Mum can't deal with it. It must be hard to know that 2 of your children have it and there's nothing they can really do about it. Some even get scared because they might be next. Hang on to the family and friends that do understand. You're doing really well x

Tiff_2

jellycat40 wrote:

Had a really bad week last week. Ended up packing up all my things, getting together all my meds and planning to go to a hotel and end it all. Just could not see any point in carrying on.

Such a failure, tried to come off anti depressants and it looks like it hasn't worked. Luckily OH called the crisis team, he noticed what I was doing, and they got me through a couple of safe days then we went away for the weekend also to keep me safe. Then saw psychiatrist yesterday and more anti depressants for me. Venalflaxine this time.

Now I am back at home and it is as though nothing happened, drowning in housework, pile of ironing the size of etna and floors that you stick to when walking on!!!! The bathroom is a disaster area. All I can do is sit here or in front of tv.

Louise

Hi Louise
You'll get to it angel - now obviously isn't the right time. Look at it another way, let's see how high we can make the pile! You're reserves are low right now so your priority is self care and maintaining it. Sounds like your OH is doing a good job.
We don't want to lose our jellycat, rose,bettyboop,flis,slayerx or any of the gang!:A
Much love everyone

Mrs_A.

tiff i have 3 kids,
one is 16 and still at school, one is 17 and working and the other one is 18 and at university. yes there is a mr a and he only brings in £16k a year so we would really really struggle if i stopped working and went for a sick line
thanks anyway
regards
mrs a
(no i havent been to the gp yet too embarrassed)

jellycat40

Mrs A, do not, I repeat do not, be embarrassed to go to your GP.

Get yourself the help you need and do it today.

Louise

bettyboop61

Mrs A please go to your GP, you should not feel embarrassed, you need extra help right now and your GP is the only one who can get the ball rolling for you if you see what I mean. Please, please,please get that help. If I could go with you I would to support you I mean. Hugsssssss .

Louise when you are so low there is nothing you can do but look after yourself, let the ironing pile up, I've been there, nothing terrible is going to happen just cos your ironing is like etna, and as for the rest of ur house, you will do it when u feel up to it, the most important thing is for you to take time for you.

Hello Tiff, Rose, slayerex and everyone else hope you are all coping.
love and hugsssssssssss
Betty

Tiff_2

Mrs_A. wrote:

tiff i have 3 kids,
one is 16 and still at school, one is 17 and working and the other one is 18 and at university. yes there is a mr a and he only brings in £16k a year so we would really really struggle if i stopped working and went for a sick line
thanks anyway
regards
mrs a
(no i havent been to the gp yet too embarrassed)

Hi angel - thanks for that info - I'm off into the dark reaches of my brain to see what I can come up with.
EUGGH! - DUST [STRIKE]BUNNIES[/STRIKE] MONSTERS!!!:rotfl: X
PPS* If you can't face going to the surgery, phone up (easier than face to face for some) and ask for a home visit...or ask for the nurse and speak to her. Get the help angel - it'll only get worse if you don't and if you're like me in any way, you get to the point where you'd do anything (excluding pole dancing! ) to be well. We often imagine everything to be worse than it actually is - they are not going to make you feel any worse than you do now - they do care, so pick up your Gremlin (depression), drop your pride (only for an appointment ) and you hold your head up girl - you deserve a better quality of life my angel and in truth, no-one is going to make you lose your pride and dignity.
We do that to ourselves as part of the illness. Once you've taken that leap of faith, you'll be sorry you didn't do it months ago!
HUGE HUGS HUN! GO GET 'EM!! xxx

Slayerx

Well my trip to the GP was a complete waste of time, he didn't care about me and I ended up getting angry with him and arguing that he should be doing more than saying 'I will refer you to get counsilling'

I have been refered so many times its getting silly now, if only they would follow through and I would get help.

I told him I've lost all trust in the NHS and that the system is obviously broken, he agreed and so I asked if he agreed why he was doing what has been done before which obviously didnt work.

He then tried to pass the blame on to me in a round about way saying thats its been 11 months since we last refered you why havent you come in sooner and that because I hadn't I was obviously feeling better.

I got so mad with him and his lack off help I just got up and left and now I feel worse than I did this morning, I need to find another way of getting help and I need to find a way of complaining to someone whos going to listen and care that the NHS has failed me