depression

bettyboop61

Hi Mrs A, Rose, Tiff, and hello to all of you I haven't had the pleasure of speaking to yet.

Mrs A I feel your pain deeply and completely understand where you are coming from. I too used to cut myself on a regular basis and have only stopped doing it in the last 6 months. I don't know why or how I have managed to stop, but as Mrsmcawber has said it may have had something to do with my medication, as I have changed medications in the last 9 months and the urge to cut got less and less until I have stopped. Don't get me wrong, I do still have days/nights when I feel that I could do it again, but the fact that my scars are fading does slightly put me off!! If only our emotional scars could fade as easily eh??? I can't give you anymore advice than others on here have already given you, but I wanted you to know that I truly understand how you feel. I have 3 children age 18,22,23 and up until the last 6 months all were living at home, I only have 2 living at home now. But on top of coping with my depression and coping with them sometimes I didn't feel like I could go on, and even as recently as a couple of weeks ago I felt suicidal, but it passed and I guess thats what I wanted to convey to all of you, that even in your darkest moments when you think that things will never get better, somehow that hopeless despairing feeling does pass and I think that when any of you feel like that, just come on here for all the lovely support every one gives to everyone, its such a great community on here.

Rose and Tiff I hope you are ok as well.
I think I should go now, thankyou for giving me support when I needed it, I've no doubt I will be needing it again soon, thats the way it goes with depression isn;t it, while I have been feeling ok I have been hurtling headlong into doing all those jobs I couldn't be bothered with while I was low.
Big hugs and love to everyone out there.
betty

flis21

I always read this thread every day, but most days I am too scared to post anything. But it made me feel really sad to read about Mrs A and bettyboop self harming, so i just wanted to say something in support and to let you know that people are thinking of you.

I get really black moods sometimes and it is difficult to describe, I don't want to kill myself, but I don't want to carry on living. Sometimes I think about doing something to myself, so I can go into hospital for a while and get away from my life. I think it must be easier in hospital, as there would be no work, no household chores, no people to please, someone else to cook my dinners / make sure I take my tablets. I don't think i will do anything, but it is something I fantasise about sometimes.

Actually I am having quite a good weekend, went to the theatre with hubby yesterday afternoon and enjoyed it. Got a bit down and listless last night, but feel better today. Am off to my parents for a BBQ, which does mean putting on a bit of a show that I am ok (Mum can't cope with my illness at all) but I know it will be fun all the same. Just trying not to think about the dreaded work tomorrow.

It does help to post on here and share my feelings with other people who understand, no one I know has had depression like this (well, my sister had it for a couple of months after a car accident, but she didn't go off the deep end too much and recovered quite quickly) and so it is really lovely to read others posts and think yes I understand / have been through that. Just knowing I am not alone in this battle is comforting.

Mrs_A.

tiff, many thanks for your post, regarding work, i know that i shouldnt be there just now but as the main wage earner in our family (i earn £18k) per year giving up work just inst a viable option, i would claim dla but it wont pay me anything near like a wage that i am getting at the moment.
thank you again
i will make an emergency appoiontment at the GP in the morning and do my best to explain about the cutting myself
regards
mrs a

bettyboop61

Morning all,

Flis I have been an in patient several times in our local mental health hospital, and it does offer a place of safety and an escape from the day to day things that really get on top of us when we are so low. But after being in there for several months, you do get too cocooned from the outside world and sometimes coming home again is just as stressful as being admitted in the first place. Now my local authority offer a go between from hospital, when I feel unsafe or desperate, we have a team called the Crisis Resolution Team, and they visit you in your own home for 2 weeks at the most to see you through your worst moments, they help you plan the small steps you need to take to get on with living again. It is only short term help, but it has proved very helpful to me as I don't really want to go back into hospital again.

Ok its monday, lets see how the week pans out for us all, I'm hoping this week will be better in any little way for us, they say its going to be a lovely day weatherwise today, do you think any of us will have 5 mins to enjoy the sunshine?
Love and hugs to everyone out there
Betty

rose07

afternoon all

how is everyone today?

Mrs A did you manage to see your GP today?

yeah bettyboop i have been seen by that crisis team when i hit a rock bottom state a few months ago, but they helped me through, got meself back on me feet as it were, so they really helped, they would come to my house and keep an eye on me. lol. they were very nice but sometimes i had different people and that knocked my routine a little, even one night i was feeling awful and they were on the other end of the phone, was good to have someone there, ya know?
tiff hows you very busy?
flis21 glad you had a good weekend the theatre sounds like fun.
it is great to have a community here where people can talk and help and support others
hello to everyone and hope this week is a good one
take care
xxx

Slayerx

Evening all, hope your all well.

Got my doc appointment tomorrow to discuss CBT and I'm considering going back on meds as I've been advised the wait could be anything up to 12 months and I've started to feel a bit down lately.

rose07

hope it goes well for you tomorrow Slayerx

Tiff_2

Mrs_A. wrote:

tiff, many thanks for your post, regarding work, i know that i shouldnt be there just now but as the main wage earner in our family (i earn £18k) per year giving up work just inst a viable option, i would claim dla but it wont pay me anything near like a wage that i am getting at the moment.
thank you again
i will make an emergency appoiontment at the GP in the morning and do my best to explain about the cutting myself
regards
mrs a

Hi Mrs A.
Not being nosey but are your children under 16 or in full time education? Do I assume correctly that there's a Mr. A on the scene?
So glad you're going to get help angel. Let us know how it goes x

Tiff_2

:hello: Hi Bettyboop, mrs.a, rose, flis, slayerx and all the great people on this thread!
I haven't forgotten you all by any means I'm just going thru a lot at the moment and The Tiffster is struggling if I'm honest.:o
But that's enough about moi - trying to catch up with all your posts and to let you all know I'm thinking of you
Be kind to yourself.
Much love x

Tiff_2

Hi angel - good for you!
You're the most precious thing you've got and you've got to cherish yourself When you go thru so much it's hard to remember that, especially when others may not be helping your recovery. Keep us posted. x