depression

rose07

thanks

well its good to get things done just incase.

glad you have had a good day.
and hope you have a good weekend too.
take it easi
and if you want to chat im here
x

Tiff_2

pug_in_a_bed wrote:

Hello

Today my doctor put me on Citalopram as have been feeling down for a while. I had to take a quiz thing, and chat to her. This is all rather new to me so I apologise. I have just been feeling blank, but sad and teary for ages and I've felt it was coming to a head. I feel like a little weight has come off me now I've been to the doctor, and that I told my mum, who, bless her, knew what I was going to say before I said it.


I was supposed to return to uni in october, to study a phd, I had been hoping to receive a grant which I didn't get. That sort of set my mind in panic mode as I felt a failre and frightened of what to do now. I then heard they would give me a teaching scholarship, which to be honest has made me panic even more, I haven't been able to read in many months (i'm an english lit student so that's a problem:rolleyes:), and when i saw my teaching schedule, I admit I flipped out a bit.
I don't know what to do now. That course ties in to so many feelings of anxiety for me, but am also afraid if I don't do it I won't be left with anything (no job at the moment). Then I think if i do it, i might fail at it. I'm not very good at making decisions lately. I had though i'd decided, all done, but then I thought well i need to start preparing - nothing happened. Normally my brain engages and away i go, I like everything just so. But I haven't done anything,which frightens me a great deal as I am a very get- on-with- it-person.

just wondering what to do now, there is a possibilty I could delay my start to feb but I don't think this will look good to my department, my messing them around and that - but at the moment I feel i can't think straight, and that includes whether I really want to devote another 3 years of my life to studying.
>
I had some really lovely replies on my other thread, which was under a different name but have now come clean about my 'true' identity:rolleyes: - daft that isnt, and I see many helpful, kind people on here too.

:hello: Hi angel - no apologies needed! Well done for getting the ball rolling & seeing the doctor. I'm so glad your mum understands - you know now that you're not alone & you've got us too.

You've admitted to yourself by using the words panic, failure, frightened, flipped out that you're not sure whether this is right for you right now. There is nothing wrong with that hun - maybe your real problem is telling everyone else what your heart has already decided or really wants? :think:

Or maybe you need a gap year out because commiting to teaching a course when you are concerned with your health isn't the best scenario for anyone, and the department wouldn't want that either?:undecided And that's not being a failure, that's saying, you know what, I have to look after myself right now so that I can have the best future I can - which is really courageous!;)

Further & Higher Education involves so much pressure & it seems like the world is pushing you for everything now. MANY students suffer from depression because of it. Faculties are very much aware of it angel.

Again your words afraid, anxiety,frightened come up. Completely natural to feel that way pug-in-a-bed. There's a lot of pressure on you and it's very common not to be able to concentrate or make decisions or read or to remember things when you have depression. Not that that will be any comfort to you angel right now but it's so true.

Be kind to yourself and don't make any decisions in a panic hun. It's ok not to be perfect sometimes!;)

My feeling is that you need some tlc and some relaxation. If you decide to hold off on the Phd/teaching for now, it won't be the end of the world. People can be more understanding than we give them credit for.

In the end, we realize that often we're the ones putting pressure on ourselves - I must, I have to, I should etc. If we stand still quietly for a moment, we can sometimes see other choices.

Please post whenever you need a shoulder to cry on and I'm sorry if this post sounded like I was preaching - didn't mean to:o Sorry if I've got hold of the wrong end of the bandwagon hun
Meanwhile, have one of these :coffee: :grouphug: on me!
Best wishes x

Tiff_2

Jina wrote:

Thanks. Might be reactive depression. I did have lots of problems in my life since I was a kid and still have. I also thought about harming myself a few times when I was a teen till 20s due to certain bad events.

I know I should definitely talk about it to my GP. I've always said I should talk to someone about it, but then I end up doing nothing. So there's a chance I might not mention this to the GP thinking I'm alright.

Hi Jina - I'm behind on catching up with the gang - so hi to everyone.:hello:
You've had sound advice already so I'm sorry if i repeat it.
CBT is really effective most of the time - worked for me. I think it works more for anxiety based problems than for a deep depression. It can work for reactive depression. It may be that you get CBT as well as some counselling if you've been through traumas and treatment for depression. Any thoughts of self-harm are serious angel & you must tell someone about it. Self harm will just scar you and you will feel worse.
CBT, IMO, is basically proving yourself wrong, challenging your fears,problems.
It concentrates on retraining your thinking so that you are more self aware and in control. It can take away the power of fear for many people - whatever that is.
You MUST be honest about everything - it is so hard angel I know but they have heard it all before and won't judge you. Please also tell the Dr about your childhood problems. I know from experience that if they're not dealt with, they can affect your life later on and bite you in the a$$ ... (I've not got much a$$ left due to this - wish that were true lol).
Time for Jina to hold her hand up and say 'Yes, help me please'.;)
Let the professionals decide once they have all the facts what is wrong with you - depression or not and hey, if it is depression hun, welcome to the 1 in 4 Club!;)
I'm not meaning to be condescending Jina so apologies if that's how I've come across but I could relate to some of what you said. let us know how you get on angel - thinking of you x

Tiff_2

PS Jina
Rose said counselling helped her up to a point. Like everything else in life there are good and not so good ones and if what you get doesn't help, you hold your head up and ask your GP for someone else.
There's been some excellent advice given - please try and follow it. Don't let it control you - tell yourself right i'm going to cry/think/feel sorry for myself whatever for the next 30 mins and do it. Then you get up and do something - lots of good suggestions above. This can help you feel more in control because you decide when you need that down time. Big hugs x

Tiff_2

Hi LRS - welcome to the gang I have some info for you but I can't post it properly right now as I have to go. I'll post later or in the a.m. Don't worry hun.

Jina

You lot are great people. Too bad I saw this thread only yesterday.

Tiff: Everytime I'll do a design work I'll think about MSE Tiff. It's a word I use very often

Wouldn't the GP find it weird though? that I talk to him about my childhood issues? I thought GPs deal only with non-mental health problems? or is it a way to get in contact with councellors?

Tiff_2

Hope everyone's holding on - thinking of you all - back later guys I hope x

Slayerx

Evening all busy day it seems, got my doctor's appointment booked in for Tuesday can't wait to be honest.

jen30_2

Hi all,

Slayerx wrote:

...got my doctor's appointment booked in for Tuesday can't wait to be honest.

I'm glad. Your making all the right decisions. Just remember the more honest you are the more they can help.

Hope everyone's ok. Glad my 1st week back is over - I'm absolutely cream crackered. Am going to spend the weekend recharging my batteries ready to face the hoards again next week.

Slayerx

Evening Jen, glad things are going well, I too will be recharging for my busy week ahead.