depression

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote:

Biggest post I've ever written coming up, but I need to take a break, this is hard work!! My fingers hurt hehe.

:whistle:

Do I need to upgrade my broadband speed to be able for it to all load?

feelinggood_2

Morning guys, hope today is better and brighter for you all.
I'm alright today, I'm getting through this. Evenings are harder for me than usual at the moment - I think its becuase I don't have the support at night that I have during the day.
I'm going back to the doctor in just over a week, so hopefully something will come out of that.
I'm going to tackle the smoking, as it costs more - the drink isn't that much of a problem, its more of a coping thing than anything. I've had this 'drink' demon for 6 years, and I'm doing alright with it. With the right support, I know I could give it up completely or reduce it to an acceptable level.
I'm feeling a little blank and numb today, but not unhappy. Tired mainly.
HUgs to everyone who needs them!
My problem of late is that I can't cry. I keep getting so close, but I can't seem to let it out. I know I'd feel better if I did. I think I will be crying on the 29th. Wait and see. This is my 4th day on the antidepressants, and the only sideaffect so far is a dry mouth - so I'm now drinking twice as much - and I already drank a couple of litres a day! Hoping it'll start to help earlier. Yesterday was hard, my mind was racing, but my body just said no.

Tiff - Good luck today , sounds like you've got a big day planned! Hope it goes well Your messages always brighten up my day you know, thank you. Thank you for your advice - you are right, if I was happy, I wouldn't have to ask if I should leave would I? Are you off somewhere specific? How long are you going for? Whats the weather like there? How are you feeling about it? I hope it goes well for you, and I will wish you lots of luck, even though you don't need it as you are a very strong person who can get through this! If I spot you, all I can give is handfuls of 20p's tho I'm afraid!! :rotfl: Will be thinking of you today, positive vibes your way...

Miro - keep you chin up, you know how many women you've got fighting over you (back off ladies, he's mine!!). I've spoken to you a lot miro, and I know you are a lovely, friendly, funny guy, and I'm sure people recognise that. They probably think you are too good for them! And you've got the looks eh! Not just a lovely bloke, but a lovely, handsome bloke. And you are tall too hehe. Maybe giving S a bit of space is what you need to do - I know you probably don't want to, and if you are anything like me you write out hundreds of texts and then delete them, and keep checking your phone every 5 minutes just to see if there is a reply. Remember tho, that this isn't about you, its About S. She may just not be ready - maybe just keeping in contact, being there long term, getting xmas pressies like you say will be enough. If she sees you as someone who is always there, not upfront or too direct, but a friend who is always there and cares, she will begin to trust more? I've got lots of chocolate here if you want to share I'm not any good at relationships, so you probably want to ignore me! Sounds to me like shes got scared - I know I've done that, got close to someone, then panicked and run away. You could consider asking her directly and bluntly if she is scared of being close to you? I don't know, that might scare her off more, but might help? Hope the workmen are in and out quick today. I've got to wait in all day for the inspection, which is bound to happen at 4:55! That said, its not like I'd be leaving the house anyway lol. Hope you are feeling ok, if you need to talk, PM me

Rose - hope you a little better today, if you need me, then you get in touch. The offers that were there are still there today.
I thought about you alot last night, I wanted to just come and give you a big hug. I wish there was more that I could do to help, but maybe just knowing that there is someone out there thinking of you and sending you hugs helps a little? I am always here, so if you need me just shout Sometimes, we don't want to talk about things, and if that is the case, then I understand completely, and thats fine. But, if you do want to talk, or cry, or shout or rant or anything, I am here. Hope you managed to sleep and that your back is a bit better today. Hope you managed to get that doctors appoinment or that you got through to your consellor.
Thinking of you xxxx

CCstar - hope you are okay. I really appreciate all your advice and hearing your story, it does help. But how do I know I'm not making a mistake?
Were you ok drinking at home CCstar? I know you often find it not good to drink at home, were things better? How nice of your son to be friendly, I hope it lasts. I am hoping you are okay. Remember, you are a strong lady, and I don't think you need to worry about becoming your mothers slave. Aslong as you work out EXACTLY what you are willing to give - write it down so you don't forget - and stick to it. Let her know that you are there for her and willing to help, but you have to make your own life. It is time for YOU now, hope you are coping ok with this stressful time and that the house is still looking minimalist! I always said i'd be a minimalist, but I've somehow managed to fill TWO 3 bed houses with junk!! I don't know what half of it is - I've still got everything from when I moved out of my parents in boxes, unopened. Hope the noise is okay today, and that it isn't as windy as it is here. Thinkingof you xxx

Ethel - big hugs, hope today is better for you and that you feel a little better. Don't worry about coming on here and ranting - that is what we are here for! Sometimes its nice to know we are not alone isn't it? I'm sorry about your laptop, I hope BF gets his act together soon and fixes it. Maybe withhold dinner till he does? Hehe. Sorry that you were so miserable last night, I hope you managed to get some sleep. Its awful when you've got so much to do and so little time, but remember, your health comes first. Try to get as much sleep as you can, and remember to take care of yourself. I hope you manage to get it all done in good time, wish I could offer some help, but I doubt its anything I could help with! i'm sorry that you were crying last night, but maybe better out than in? I hope things are looking better today, take care xx

Blinky - thanks for your kind words, wish I could be of some help to you like you've been to me. Can I have another hug? You have offered more than enough support, the hugs are very helpful, thank you. I hope you have a good day for you, how are you doing? Are things okay on your end? Sorry if I scared you yesterday, I am not 'that' low, its just all a bit much sometimes, but I will keep fighting. Thank you for the advice on samaritains, I will bare that in mind. Luckily, I've got a friend who I can call most of the time, and that helps.

jw1096 - I can't remember if we have met or not? I've got very bad memory at the moment, so if we have, I apologise. Thank you for your comment, the support here means so much to me. You are all helping me through a hard time, and I am so very grateful How awful for you being underpaid, I had a job like that once, they seem to under pay so easily, but never give you the money back without a huge fight. Try not to worry about it till you can do something about it. I am sorry that things are so hard you for at work, and that you are struggling to sleep. Are you seeing your doctor? Could you consider a different job? I don't know your circumstances, so don't want to offer unhelpful advice. Thinking of you too, hope today is a better day for you x

Sazbo Don't worry about not posting as much as you would have liked, sleep is very important, especially after a long, hard day. You posting means an awful lot to me, and I'm sure to everyone else. Thank you for coming in. You are right, we will all get through this together! I hope you managed to get a good nights sleep and that today is going well for you. Thank you for the hug, heres one for you **big hug!** Oh, and I do like your avatar, you are like an angel to me

I hope everyone is doing ok and that things are on the up for all of you xxx
Gosh, that was long.

feelinggood_2

Feelies quote of the day

"In the midst of winter, I finally learned that there was in me an invincible summer."

geminilady

Tiff wrote:

Hi Guys, for what it's worth...

From such little wishes to changing whole lives,
I'd grant them all if I could,
Just to hear the world suddenly at peace
With everything being just as it should.

So why not stay and rest a while?
Let's ease your weary heart.
Lay down all the pain you hold
And tell me where to start.

Now you've trusted to share with me
All that brought you to this place,
I can understand your crying soul
And now I can begin the chase.

I'll hound out every demon lurking there
To help your hurting heart to mend,
So all that has haunted you will be laid to rest.
Who am I to try to help? Please - just call me 'Friend'...

Much Love
Tiff xxx

This board is full of suprises,i did not know we had a poet in our mist,its very good and shows just how careing you are but knew that already just from reading peoples comments on the board.Its sad but i have found more people that really care about others on this board than i have ever found in the "real world" maybe i just havn't met the right people.Funny enough i met "N on a poetry board on aol.It is just a novice board and they have sections for all ages.His poems were about his past,a sort of autobiography and it gave me an insite into the man he is.I was never interested in poetry before,never read the classics except at school but the poetry board caught my interest and i even wrote a few myself.Wrote a couple about depression which i might post if anyones interested,not that i want to turn this board into a poetry board but a lot of people find writing good therapy,another way of coping with this terrible illness.

feelinggood_2

I'd be interested to hear your poems gemini lady! I've tried writing, but never got very far - I can't seem to get whats in my head out of it!

Tiff - I assumed that was a poem you'd taken from somewhere, well done, its fab!!

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote:

Morning guys, hope today is better and brighter for you all.
I'm alright today, I'm getting through this. Evenings are harder for me than usual at the moment - I think its becuase I don't have the support at night that I have during the day.
I'm going back to the doctor in just over a week, so hopefully something will come out of that.
I'm going to tackle the smoking, as it costs more - the drink isn't that much of a problem, its more of a coping thing than anything. I've had this 'drink' demon for 6 years, and I'm doing alright with it. With the right support, I know I could give it up completely or reduce it to an acceptable level.
I'm feeling a little blank and numb today, but not unhappy. Tired mainly.
HUgs to everyone who needs them!
My problem of late is that I can't cry. I keep getting so close, but I can't seem to let it out. I know I'd feel better if I did. I think I will be crying on the 29th. Wait and see. This is my 4th day on the antidepressants, and the only sideaffect so far is a dry mouth - so I'm now drinking twice as much - and I already drank a couple of litres a day! Hoping it'll start to help earlier. Yesterday was hard, my mind was racing, but my body just said no.

-Miro - keep you chin up, you know how many women you've got fighting over you (back off ladies, he's mine!!). I've spoken to you a lot miro, and I know you are a lovely, friendly, funny guy, and I'm sure people recognise that. They probably think you are too good for them! And you've got the looks eh! Not just a lovely bloke, but a lovely, handsome bloke. And you are tall too hehe. Maybe giving S a bit of space is what you need to do - I know you probably don't want to, and if you are anything like me you write out hundreds of texts and then delete them, and keep checking your phone every 5 minutes just to see if there is a reply. Remember tho, that this isn't about you, its About S. She may just not be ready - maybe just keeping in contact, being there long term, getting xmas pressies like you say will be enough. If she sees you as someone who is always there, not upfront or too direct, but a friend who is always there and cares, she will begin to trust more? I've got lots of chocolate here if you want to share I'm not any good at relationships, so you probably want to ignore me! Sounds to me like shes got scared - I know I've done that, got close to someone, then panicked and run away. You could consider asking her directly and bluntly if she is scared of being close to you? I don't know, that might scare her off more, but might help? Hope the workmen are in and out quick today. I've got to wait in all day for the inspection, which is bound to happen at 4:55! That said, its not like I'd be leaving the house anyway lol. Hope you are feeling ok, if you need to talk, PM me

Gosh, it was indeed long

Evenings are harder also because of the dark nights coming in earlier maybe?

Cigarettes and drink won't help anything. Alcohol is a depressant anyway, but if you think you can manage it? Cigarettes are just money in smoke, I hope you can stop!

Hope the anti-depressants begin to take effect soon

As for crying, for about 10 years, I cried about 2 times. Now i'm like a big blubberer (A word? ) So it will come

Not sure they are fighting over me :rotfl: When I did my music the other night, I was told I have a sexy voice :rotfl: She was on her 2nd tin of Diet Coke, so I guess she was under the influence of bubbles

I'm not good looking really, and tallness is one thing I have, it's not always good

She has loads of space in reality, I do think of writing texts but don't want to overload her, despite her saying I can text whenever......gotta be careful. I wait for my phone to go off............but i'm not letting it today.....it's switched off, incase she does text to say my CD was pants!

I know it's about her, the backing off. It's just hard, but i'll wait for her. I can't keep doing all the work, it's down to her now. She has 'her' song, she has the 'powerful and emotional' lyrics as they were described. It's up to her now.

I won't ignore you Any 'advice' is good and sometimes when we aren't good at something, it's the best 'advice' you can get, as others know the mistakes they have made.......but then everyone is different. A song may work for some women, others will think it's pathetic.

Chocolate? Hmmmmmmm, you trying to make me porky?

She's not used to guys like me. If I had taken her up on a bit of hanky panky on day 1, abused her, taken her money and treated her bad, i'd have a g/f by now, but she has to accept, I'm not like that. I hope who I am is enough for someone one day, hopefully 'S', although to be honest, it could be a disaster, she is very hard work! I can't be too blunt, although one day, i'm just gonna say it!

Hope your inspection happens asap, it's not fun waiting.........workmen are weird today! I keep hearing them talk about the way they treat women and their body parts..........not really the kind of blokes i'd get on with. I can have a laugh, but they are laddie lads, with no respect for women at all

Hope you are coping, I am here via PM too

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote:

I'd be interested to hear your poems gemini lady! I've tried writing, but never got very far - I can't seem to get whats in my head out of it!

Tiff - I assumed that was a poem you'd taken from somewhere, well done, its fab!!

I too would like to hear some poetry from gl and Tiff.

I too assumed it was not an original 'Tiff' masterpiece, perhaps wrongly?

I'm taking up Creative Writing, after my jaunt with music and lyrics.

Sadly, my English is not as Creative, being non-english, but that's why i'm taking up a class :rotfl:

feelinggood_2

The guy just came, and all he did was take a photo of the washing machine (that broke yesterday) and had a quick look out the window. He didn't look in any other rooms or upstairs. ITs suppose to be a long, proper inspection lol - but I prefer it this way! The inspections are good for something, even though I am rather ill, I have to get the house looking alright atleast once every 4 months.
Mmmm tall, porky miro I wouldn't be too opposed to that!! I am sure you are a very handsome man miro - you are a wonderful bloke, and that shows through.
Someone in real life will see the real you and appreciate how special you are one day Miro - I know that. Guys like you don't come along all that often, and any woman would be very lucky to have you.
I've wondered if it is seasonal affective disorder, but I don't know if it is. This bout, and the last bout followed the pattern of it, but pervious bouts didn't. Looking back through old posts and emails, my last bout lasted from september to april, and this once started about early july, so shouldn't be too long to go.
xx

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote:

The guy just came, and all he did was take a photo of the washing machine (that broke yesterday) and had a quick look out the window. He didn't look in any other rooms or upstairs. ITs suppose to be a long, proper inspection lol - but I prefer it this way! The inspections are good for something, even though I am rather ill, I have to get the house looking alright atleast once every 4 months.
Mmmm tall, porky miro I wouldn't be too opposed to that!! I am sure you are a very handsome man miro - you are a wonderful bloke, and that shows through.
Someone in real life will see the real you and appreciate how special you are one day Miro - I know that. Guys like you don't come along all that often, and any woman would be very lucky to have you.
I've wondered if it is seasonal affective disorder, but I don't know if it is. This bout, and the last bout followed the pattern of it, but pervious bouts didn't. Looking back through old posts and emails, my last bout lasted from september to april, and this once started about early july, so shouldn't be too long to go.
xx

Oh, that's my kind of inspection

Well, i'm not as porky as was, as lost some weight lately Not much pork on me now Just muscle and bones
Maybe could lose another stone and that'll be it!

Well, I don't think there is a place for me? I like to open doors for ladies and pull there chair out, but I get looked at oddly.........although a young lady I opened a door for earlier was grateful

I'm sure the weather can play a part, no matter how small

I'm so tired Walking to 'S' place has done me in

I also addressed it properly, put a stamp on it, but hand delivered it into her post box, to make it look like postie had delivered it, incase she felt funny about me being near her place (It was 6.30am, so she wouldn't have been awake, she sleeps like 10pm - 10am!!)

Not very money saving, but for 31p or whatever it costs.........anyway, she's worth it..........maybe

feelinggood_2

There are loads of women who want a nice caring bloke who opens doors and pulls chairs out - trust me! If you opened a door for me, I'd be yours

I'm sleepy, not usually up this early. 2 early starts in a row for me! I slept from 11:30-8:30 this morning, 3 hours short of normal sleep! Maybe I'm going to get in to a normal sleep pattern now.

I'm off to watch a dvd and eat cream cakes I think! Addictions I need to tackle: ciggies, alcohol, food and another couple lol. Methinks I have an addictive personality!

Have a rest and hopefully them workmen will be gone soon.

And don't talk about how you are all tall and muscly Miro, do you want me to fall for ya??!!