depression

beer2006

Sazbo wrote:

The unhelpful answer is they can impact on each other. It is a lot to get your head around. Just go one step at a time. Maybe your posting on here a first step? Speaking for myself, it took me a very, very long time to face up to my condition and seek help. But I do believe we're only ready for something when we're ready for it, if that makes sense? So start from where you are. Take care, Sx

Thankyou everyone for being so kind, not that I really expected anything else tbh.

I *did* say I won't be posting, this will probably be my last one.

I won't be seeking help, ever. Had some councilling some years ago for panic attacks, it was rubbish and I really don't believe in it. Don't want drugs, how else can I be helped?
I know I have to find the reasons behind all of this and deal with them, but I'm only going to do it myself, I can be helped on an everyday level by others, but thats about it.
I'm still a bit shocked I posted on here and have to repress a feeling to go back and wipe them all off, to be a man and be manly etc.

I don't think I'm as bad as I made out and feel I'm taking something away from the rest of you by saying I am, I feel a bit of a fraud tbh.

I am alot better than I was, when I started the alcohol thread, I was so much on the edge it totally scares me to think about it now, it could have honestly gone either way, dead or alive. I only have people on here to thank for that.

Best of luck to you all, I shall be watching you

xx

Sazbo

beer2006 wrote:

Thankyou everyone for being so kind, not that I really expected anything else tbh.

I *did* say I won't be posting, this will probably be my last one.

I won't be seeking help, ever. Had some councilling some years ago for panic attacks, it was rubbish and I really don't believe in it. Don't want drugs, how else can I be helped?
I know I have to find the reasons behind all of this and deal with them, but I'm only going to do it myself, I can be helped on an everyday level by others, but thats about it.
I'm still a bit shocked I posted on here and have to repress a feeling to go back and wipe them all off, to be a man and be manly etc.

I don't think I'm as bad as I made out and feel I'm taking something away from the rest of you by saying I am, I feel a bit of a fraud tbh.

I am alot better than I was, when I started the alcohol thread, I was so much on the edge it totally scares me to think about it now, it could have honestly gone either way, dead or alive. I only have people on here to thank for that.

Best of luck to you all, I shall be watching you

xx

All the very best to you beer x But just want to say you are not a fraud, hun. You came on here and expressed how you feel and that's all any of us can do. Good luck on your journey x

rose07

I have got to run, i just got a phone call from a very upset teenager. Think i told you about him a little while ago. well he just rang in a bad way he only lives 10 mins down the road and he needs a chat.

will be back later
prob in tears
catch yas soon xxx

Sazbo

rose07 wrote:

Hi Friends x;)

LOL, well that first post went a bit wrong (rosie goes to brush up on her typing) right here we go.....

Hey everyone, hope you dont mind me popping on here for a bit? just thought i would let you know how im doing, and i need a bit of a chat with people that might understand xxx

Well its been a very hard, confusing, mad week.

I am in a very bad place at the moment. (as tiff has prob said)
But this week seen my councellor (thanks tiff ), i broke down in the session, told her everything, and ended up in total mess really. first time i have prob ever been honest with myself and someone profesional :eek:
It was very emotionally and physically draining. and was soo hard to go back to work afterwards
my councellor referred me to see a psychiatrist straight away so i have an appointment on wednesday (thought it was quick, but as i say really not ok). she also gave me her number and said to ring anytime. but im a shy thing.

so i need all good vibes and hugs for wednesday, as i have to be honest i am terrified of whats going to happen. my councellor also mentioned the possibility of being monitored, and taking some medication :eek: , this is something i am also scared about :eek: , as i have no idea about these things if anyone has been on medication or been monitored can you give me some reasurance?

Last night i went out :j , but ended up hurting myself quite severely, yep in alot of pain today, I also got ran over (wasnt looking where i was going :rolleyes: ), and also got glass in me foot , so in quite alot of pain today but guess its my own fault and i deserve it.
On the plus side i met a guy (he has got my number, which only special people are allowed )

I hope you dont mind me popping on, but i have missed you all soo much, and have realised that i am in a very bad place at the moment, and need as much support from people that might understand, instead of trying to put up a wall and block people out, as i am soo confused right now i have no idea whats going on

well i could talk for ages .....

hope you all good, and its nice to see you all, saz (was thinking of you this week x), miro (xxx), ccstar, ethel, tiff (love ya x), blinky (can i have a hug ), elona, natty, geminilady, feelinggood (hope your doing ok) welcome to all the new people, and its nice to see some friends

Tiff soz to hear about your pain hun, you know i am here anytime , just let me know if you want rosie to have a talk with a few people. , and your not on your own, i know how scary it is, but your doing great hun, keep it up, xxx

much love everyone (hehe tiff im taking your saying )

thinking of you all
xxxx

(right i should prob do something, only got up at 12 :eek: , couldnt sleep anyway, i got in at 4am , so have my excuse ), think i have a hangover, its been soo long, and im very wobbily on me feet, and very achey), right gotta stop talking , be back soon xxx

Rose - maybe you should pop round to A&E to get your foot checked out, and see if everything's ok? Just a thought. We will of course be sending you good vibes and thinking of you on Wednesday. Hang in till then, but your counsellor has given you her number so don't hesitate to pick up the phone if you need to. We're all rooting for ya hun, stay strong, you're getting the help you need. Love Saz x

Sazbo

EthelBloggs wrote:

hiya everyone

I've got to run, daughters home for a couple of hours so we're having dinner at me mum's (she makes the best sunday dinner ever!!!)

I'm shattered saz....... dint get to bed til past three n then the hospital rang @ 7 to say they've arranged transport for my girl to come home this afternoon for a bit.. why ring that early when she's not coming til the afternoon? :mad: so once Im awake im awake.. so i got up and i've been mooching around doing nothing useful since

I;'ve got those horrible eyewatering yawns n i feel really crappy but ho hum... here we go.. lol

off to get dressed n go to me muvvas, maybe the fresh air will perk me up a bit

cyas all later peeps xx

ps... glad to see you Miro

pps.. I'll make proper posts when i get back xx

Ethel hope you have a nice afternoon with your daughter and mum. I'm off out now, too. Catch you later, Sx

BWZN93

Afternoon all!

I thought id check in since my post last night, I didnt get to sleep till about 6.15am this morning! I did wake up at 11.30 though so not all bad I guess.

I joined genes reunited last night - I think the quest for knowledge has expanded a bit and I ended up researching the family for a little while last night but somehow it made me feel a little bit better and bit less sorry for myself. I think ill stick with it over the next couple of weeks while I have time - its giving me a purpose to get out of bed and do something.

I also wanted to say thank you to the response messages, its really nice to see other people who understand where im coming from, as I think a lot of people I know dont really understand what goes through my head sometimes and its hard trying to explain. This thread seems like a godsend as I dont feel like I have to explain or justify it.

Anyway, thank you! Ill check back in later, right now im off for a walk around the block, I could do with a bit of fresh air!

Jo x

blinky

Sorry I haven't been around. I've been catching up on the last days posts and I've been writing to someone on a different depression forum who needed help - though I'm not sure how helpful I was

Not having a good day today - feeling a bit down and on edge. Not totally sure why.. I know 'R' thought she upset me yesterday but she didn't That knocked me slightly as it upset me to think she'd upset me (does that make sense?? ). I find it harder to deal witrh low mood when there's no obvious reason. Want to cry but can't

Warning this thread could be a bit hug-tastic

Sazbo wrote:

Hiya blinks! You recovered now? :D

Hey ethel - poor blinky's obviously worn out a bit tired...

Sazbo - what sort of boy do you think I am? :rolleyes: :eek: Just kissing and cuddling... Don't want to rush things and spoil it.

jo wrote:

Hi all

I thought id introduce myself as ive just been signed off work for 3 weeks with depression and just thought id join in if I may.

Ive been feeling pretty crappy recently so I took myself off to the docs again and was prescribed citalopram which I didnt really want to start if im honest (The drug side of this kind of scares me if im honest). They kind of make me feel really out of it aswell, im not sure if thats a good thing or not! Im waiting for a referral to a psychologist, I have pretty bad mood swings and have symptoms that I feel pretty much parallel someone with bipolar/manic depression from the research ive done.

All the things ive felt have been ongoing since I was about 18 (im 26 now), I was diagnosed depressed then and have been back on forth on and off over the years since, diagnosed with depression, given antidepressants for a month and then I dont go back as im then feeling fine. The problem is that I dont see the docs when im not feeling exceptionally depressed, so its never occurred to me or anyone else that there might be more to the on and off depression. Ive never really paid attention to it either until this year after a few, err... incidents at work, OH concerns etc, which led to this mental health quest.

Unfortunately, the referral is taking quite a while, initially visiting the docs for a referral in early July and as yet no appointment. Ive had an initial appointment, kind of the reception service for the mental health services if you will, its seeing a professional that takes time as there simply isnt enough.

Anyway, I havent managed to read all of this thread as it is fairly immense, I dont really know if there is a protocol on here or anything, I just thought id introduce myself and say Hi.

Jo x

Jo
Thank you for posting
As others have said - no protocol here, just post and say what you want to say. Don't worry about reading all the posts - there's a lot of them and I haven't got around to reading them all yet

The wait to see a mental health professional is too long unfortunately, unless you are acutely ill. There have been times where it's taken so long for me that they've turned around and said they wouldn't help... Mental health isn't a 'glamorous' illness so it doesn't get the funding or neccessarily attract people to work in it. I think people don't realise depression can be an extremely dibilitating and in extremes life-threatening condition.

As far as the medication is concerned I wouldn't recommend you suddenly stop taking them as the side-effects from withdrawal can be bad. All drugs have side-effects, some of which affect some people more than others. Have you asked your GP about switching to something else.

Hang on in there, we're thinking of you

Miroslav wrote:

:wave: all

Hope we are all getting through.

Just a quick hello really, that will probably run into an essay, although it's been about a week since I posted anyway.

So...........news...........erm..............none really. Not seen 'S' at all, barely heard from her.....

Erm......

Told you about the nice text messages she sent........i've kinda convinced myself it was all words, no meaning.

Kind of trying to work out how much I like her........decided I hated the thought of another guy being with her, and that I wanted to be with her..........is it love? Not that it matters, as she doesn't like me like that anyway. At first she liked the idea of 'sex' but now, she doesn't even keep in touch.

I really care about her, can't get her out of my head, very weepy and moody. Had a huge row with flatmate who said she wishes she never introduced me to 'S' and she was gonna phone her and tell her what was going on in my head............I walked out, came back late that night as it was cold, we haven't spoken about it since, flatmate apologised via text. Not knowing she hadn't called 'S', I text 'S' and told her what happened, she didn't reply.

So basically, I 'think' I may love someone romantically, who doesn't love me, and i'm falling apart because of it.

Part of me wants to see her again, part of me says I don't, because it will be too painful. She's leaving, so i'm clearly not importnat enough to fight for, i'm not loveable, and her words are all empty.

Flatmate hasn't been too supportive, just telling me I had a life before she came along........not a very good one, and I kinda liked being hugged and told I meant something to someone, something I am not used too.

At the moment, i'm just moody. I go to bed at all times of day and have no interest in anything.

If only I hadn't met 'S', i'd be struggling, but not this bad.

Miro

It's good to hear from you and I'm truly sorry to hear how your feeling.

It's sad to hear how your flatmate's been to you, especially given how supportive you have been to them.

The situation might not be as bad as it seems with 'S'. She might be trying to come to terms with your feeling for her and to make sense of her own feelings. I thought I'd completely blown it with 'R' the other week but managed to retrieve the situation.

I wish I could say something more supportive but can't think of the words right now. Sorry

Will post more in a moment - need to quickly reboot PC.

Tiff_2

regularsaver1 wrote:

Yeah i was displaced at work - to a role I did not want to do. Move branches at 4 days notice, from somewhere I'd been over 3 years

Hi rs, take the good advice hun. If the move is making you ill and wasn't 'fair', then you may be able to 'sue' them for constructive dismissal, which is when a company knowingly puts you in a position that you can't abide and it more or less forces you to resign. Do go and see CAB and your union rep if you have one angel. They're the pros at handling this sort of thing.
Much love
Tiffxxx

Tiff_2

Kimmywim wrote:

well here goes, I am just gonna type now and don't know when I am going to stop, so I apologize in advance!
Hi Kimmy!:hello: Thanks for posting hun.
I don't know if I have depression or not but I just need to talk to someone I don't "know" about it, (does that make sense?), - absolutely -anyway I don't want to go to the doctors because then that means that I have failed, that something is wrong and I don't want there to be anything wrong because I just want to be and feel "normal" .
I totally understand angel! No-one wants to have any kind of mental ill health kimmy. Hun - you have not failed and there's no such thing as 'normal'. We never know what goes on behind other people's front doors or what their lives are really like. You're not abnormal hun because you just joined what I like to call the 1-in-4-Club because that's how may people have mental ill health. We don't want it but we have it and now we've got to learn to manage it.
All I do is shout and swear at my husband and I am driving him away, but he is so supportive of me and I just can't seem to stop myself, its like I have so much Anger and rage inside me I can't control myself and start screaming at him, about verything and anything. We have no money at all , ok so we have enough to feed us and to live on but nothing extra at all, I can't take my daughter to toddler group/swimming, i don't know how we are meant to afford christmas etc and I just can't face going out of the house, i don't bother getting dressed most days (whats the point? )
I'm glad hubby is so supportive angel - that's so important. You're extra stressed. Don't feel bad about him supporting you when you're snappy. You can't help it kimmy.
My husband is currently on a secondment, which he doesn't get any extra money from until he has passed this course, he was meant to finish mid Novemer, but now he can't finish til after January and its like they keep moving the goalposts. he commutes 5 hours a day so I feel like I never see him, and our kids too, if something is wrong at his store he is expected to drop everything and go to work. on his days off he spends the morning in bed cos he is so knackered. I feel like i just cannot cope at home at all, i have a 2 year old and a 11 week old, and they r so good, but the slightest thing they do wrong especially my 2 year old, and I just shout at them, agaon, i just can't seem to control myself. The one thing that really písses me off is everyone saying, "oh your doing so well,", "oh look at Kim isn't she doing well", Sorry but no , I am not doing well, in fact I can't cope at atll, but cheers for falling for my "happy" face, is what I feel like saying to them.
Yep angel, you have all the familiar qualities.You've not scared us off yet! And a new-born too!
Another thing, is my mum died 5 days befoe I gave birth to my 11 week old daughter, we always had such a volatile relationship, but the last couple of months were ok, we got on ok, and now I just think, thanks mum for dying on me, you missed Sophie being born, you will never see Amy grow up, and I blame her for dying?, she was very ill (mentally and physically ) but noone ever thought she would die, least of all me, and I feel such a !!!!! feeling this way.
kimmy, I am so sorry about your mum. I had a similar relationship with my Dad who died 2nd December last year - it broke my heart. There's no guilt there for you angel. You are allowed to grieve hun & if there's a shoulder around, use it.
Maybe it's time to tell everyone that actually, no, I'm not doing okay, I'm exhausted, unwell, alone most of the time, poorly off fianancially, have an 11 week old infant and my mum died 13 weeks ago. No-one would expect you to be ok in this situation hun - if you were then I'd really think there was something wrong with you!;) Try and open up to someone close - you have to let the pain out hun. Meanwhile, the fantastic people here will always have time for you.:o
everything in my life seems to go wrong, little petty things like stubbing my toe on the same doorframe everyday,really really get to me, I am so clumsy and I can't keep on top of the housework, I am so disorganised and I am such a failure, honestly if you could see the state of my house you would be ashamed. Its not that its dirty, there is just shíte everywhere, I just don't know what to do with it, my whole life is filled with junk.
I also feel so fat and ugly, I am 6 foot 1 inch tall and used to be sooo skinny and now i weigh nearly 17 stone, i am just a big hulk, but i have absolutely no motivation to lose weight, i have obscene stretchmarks all over my stomach, legs and breasts and scars from abdominal surgery and a bellybutton hernia, so I just look like a mess. Because of this I have no confidence at all, i used t love going out and now I absolutely hate it, if we do have to go anywhere I have to make sure its sitiing in a corner hiding away .I'm not suicidal, but sometimes I wonder if everything would be better if I wasn't here, because I am such a waste of space.
well thanks for reading, i am sitting here crying , now trying to find the energy to make my little girls lunch, sorry for moaning and for the "me,me,me" post, i just really needed to let it all out, i'm sorry if this is the wrong place.
Kim

Kimmy, don't apologize angel, it's ok.You say as much as you want to. No-one here judges anyone. Hun, you're not going to like my answer but you already know what it is. It's something we all here have to do at some point, taking that 1st step. You should go & see your dr angel - don't put it off - you'll only delay your recovery.There's such a feeling of relief to let the pain out and get some kind of help. Everything feels catastrophic right now but with help angel, you can get through it. And before you ask, your drs will have seen it all before so don't be ashamed. Is there a Homestart scheme where you are hun? That's volunteers who help out families with children under 5 or 6 and who need support. It seems daunting right now hun but as Tiff likes to say, you've got to break it all up into little steps. It's not so scarey then.;) Come back here whenever you want to angel - we can all understand your pain. Be kind to yourself angel (another Tiff quote!:rolleyes: )
Much love,
Tiff xxx

blinky

rose07 wrote:

Hi Friends x;)

LOL, well that first post went a bit wrong (rosie goes to brush up on her typing) right here we go.....

Hey everyone, hope you dont mind me popping on here for a bit? just thought i would let you know how im doing, and i need a bit of a chat with people that might understand xxx

Well its been a very hard, confusing, mad week.

I am in a very bad place at the moment. (as tiff has prob said)
But this week seen my councellor (thanks tiff ), i broke down in the session, told her everything, and ended up in total mess really. first time i have prob ever been honest with myself and someone profesional :eek:
It was very emotionally and physically draining. and was soo hard to go back to work afterwards
my councellor referred me to see a psychiatrist straight away so i have an appointment on wednesday (thought it was quick, but as i say really not ok). she also gave me her number and said to ring anytime. but im a shy thing.

so i need all good vibes and hugs for wednesday, as i have to be honest i am terrified of whats going to happen. my councellor also mentioned the possibility of being monitored, and taking some medication :eek: , this is something i am also scared about :eek: , as i have no idea about these things if anyone has been on medication or been monitored can you give me some reasurance?

Last night i went out :j , but ended up hurting myself quite severely, yep in alot of pain today, I also got ran over (wasnt looking where i was going :rolleyes: ), and also got glass in me foot , so in quite alot of pain today but guess its my own fault and i deserve it.
On the plus side i met a guy (he has got my number, which only special people are allowed )

I hope you dont mind me popping on, but i have missed you all soo much, and have realised that i am in a very bad place at the moment, and need as much support from people that might understand, instead of trying to put up a wall and block people out, as i am soo confused right now i have no idea whats going on

well i could talk for ages .....

hope you all good, and its nice to see you all, saz (was thinking of you this week x), miro (xxx), ccstar, ethel, tiff (love ya x), blinky (can i have a hug ), elona, natty, geminilady, feelinggood (hope your doing ok) welcome to all the new people, and its nice to see some friends

Tiff soz to hear about your pain hun, you know i am here anytime , just let me know if you want rosie to have a talk with a few people. , and your not on your own, i know how scary it is, but your doing great hun, keep it up, xxx

much love everyone (hehe tiff im taking your saying )

thinking of you all
xxxx

(right i should prob do something, only got up at 12 :eek: , couldnt sleep anyway, i got in at 4am , so have my excuse ), think i have a hangover, its been soo long, and im very wobbily on me feet, and very achey), right gotta stop talking , be back soon xxx

Rose you can have as many hugs as you need, hun.

I know you're in a bad place and I wish there was something more I could do to help. It's the depression that wants to isolate you from everyone and put up a wall. It's a bl**dy selfish illness - as it deprives you of the things you need to beat it.


Hope your foot isn't too painful - Have you had it looked at?

Monitoring is nothing to worry about - usually means short, regular appointments to check how you are doing. It's almost a pre-emptive measure so if you do start to feel worse they can spot it, rather than waiting for you to go in when you are really bad.
Medication - again nothing to worry about. It's not a sign of defeat or weakness in any way shape or form - if you had a physical illness you would take something for that, wouldn't you.
I think the best way to think of medication is like a crutch - it helps you along. On my good days they allow me to help myself in other ways. On the bad days they just about keep me here.

My personal feelings are that to really beat depression and anxiety you need to attack it from multiple angles - reducing stress and trigger points, adjusting lifestyle (healthier eating etc) and working on beating the negative thought cycle. Medication is simply a weapon in the arsenal.

Don't worry about side-effects of any medication. ALL drugs have side-effects (even asprin). Not everyone experiences them and the effects can vary. Sometimes the side-effects can be beneficial (e.g. I take Zispin which has a side effect of making you sleepy. I take it at night and it helps me sleep). There's a vast cornucopia of medications to take. If you find the side-effects on one too much, just ask to switch to another.

Hope everything goes well on Wednesday. Thinking of you

Ethel - Hope your day with your daughter went well.

Tiff - Hope your feeling better soon.

Everyone - Thinking of you all and take care.

Paul

PS. Round at 'R's tonight for a bit. So not sure when I'll post back. (Minds out the gutter pleeease).
PPS. Wasn't I an ugly baby?