depression

Miroslav

I've just come back for..............well I have no idea what for, I have no idea what i'm doing at the moment, but here goes.

'S said she wants to move out of my town for all the bad memories, all the things she thinks she see's etc etc.

I have told her I understand and that I will support whatever she decides, and that I will always be there for her, no matter what. I also told her that i'll always be honest with her, and that I didn't want her to go. I told her I loved her, cared about her and would always look after her. I understand she feels she has to go, I just wanted to be enough for her to stay.

On Saturday, we got very close. She talked to me about bad things and I listened and talked back to her. She's going to nothing, no friends or anything. Here, she has my flatmate and me. She's letting me in more, I had absolutely millions of hugs from her on Saturday, she told me she loved me, cared about me, thinks I am special, good looking (She secretly took a photo of me with her camera phone) and funny.

I bought her a card and some flowers, she loved them. She knows I struggle to express myself, especially in English, and she asked me to write it down. I did. I told her she was very special to me, that I loved her to bits, that I care about her, that I don't want her to go. I even told her about the song I wrote.

She text me, telling me i'm special, that she cares so much for me, that she'll always be there for me, that she's my friend, that I can trust her.........she sent some amazing text messages, that I keep reading.

She kissed me (cheek) a few times, hugged me about a million times and just was really nice. She even said she'd come with me to London to find my g/f and daughter's graves that I have never been too......I was stunned and didn't respond.

She even asked me to move with her.......I had to decline, my flatmate needs me and I love her too. I couldn't move to another town with someone so soon after getting to know them.

So, it's 1 hour on the bus.......not far.........but I can't look after her as well as I could if she stayed here. She is so vulnerable, someone will hurt her, and I couldn't bear that. I want her here, she has something here now.

I've told her I want her to stay, but she's all but gone. She said she can't stay here anymore...........if I didn't have flatmate, I would go. Flatmate won't move, she has friends here, I couldn't hurt her, as she needs me here, and i've lived with her for 14 years nearly. 14 years v 5 weeks......I think we all know the right answer.

'S' is amazing, I may sound selfish wanting her to stay, but we are getting closer and closer by the meet, I don't want any setbacks, she means so much to me and i'm just starting to get past the barriers.

I am recording her song tonight, I have to do it now. I have to give it to her, to express how I feel to her. Not many people touch my life, not like this.

I won't come back too often, unless any good things, or really bad things come up. I'm fed up of being down. I want to return with good news, I want to return with the news that she is staying.

Simply put, I love her, care for her and want to be around her all the time, but despite our ever increasing closeness, she's leaving. I know she isn't leaving me as such, as she offered me to go with her (She didn't think of the flatmate situation) but I want her here, the 3 of us looking out for each other. I can protect her, no-one is gonna hurt her with me around.

I've told her i'll do anything for her to stay, she won't respond to any of it, she never does, she only responds by telling me how much she cares for me, not touching on any issues.

She hasn't had anyone who cares about her, other than her mother, her whole life. Her mother passed 5 years ago and that's when she became ill. She's scared, I know it, but she admitted she knows i'll never hurt her.

I just want her to stay

Anyway, gone on way too much, i'll be back at various points.

Take Care everyone, sorry for rambling on

Miro

jellycat40

Hi Miro

Could you not move with S and come back to visit flatmate? Everyone deserves to be with the one they love.

Louise

Miroslav

jellycat40 wrote:

Hi Miro

Could you not move with S and come back to visit flatmate? Everyone deserves to be with the one they love.

Louise

It's not love love, just very close friendship love.

I truly don't know her true feelings, as it's like getting blood from a stone at the best of times.

feelinggood_2

Miro, hope things work out for you.
You two love each other, and thats all you need - even if you are apart, things will be okay. Maybe one day soon, you'll be nearer together again
xxx

Miroslav

feelinggood wrote:

Miro, hope things work out for you.
You two love each other, and thats all you need - even if you are apart, things will be okay. Maybe one day soon, you'll be nearer together again
xxx

I really don't know what 'love' it is. I'm going with the friendship love, i'd not tell her I was in love with her, cos I don't think I am............I might be, I just don't know

I just think she's the best :T

Anyway, i'll check in here when I get out the bath.

I hand posted a letter to 'S' at 7am, telling her I want her to stay..............not heard a thing yet

Anyway, back soon, quick bath needed!

blinky

Miro - thanks for posting back. I understand things are difficult right now. Please bear with me as I'm not finding it easy to write as I'm not good with words.

From what you've written part of you wants to move with 'S' but the condition of your flatmate is preventing you. I get the impression that you find it hard to put yourself first (I'm the same). However, we do need to do things for ourselves. I think in the grand scheme of things that it would be better for you to move with 'S'. I know you want to stay and help your flatmate though. Moving with 'S' would make 2 people happier, whereas only 'S' moving would only benefit one. In my book that is the better option.

I suppose possible options could be:

a) Explain to 'S' about flatmate and ask her to delay moving until your flatmate is better or has enough support to cope without you.
b) Explain to 'S' you want to move with her but can't at the moment but you hope to sometime soon.

I don't know if it helps or not.

Feelinggood - Sorry to hear your not doing so well. Nightmare's are horrible things. I had a bad one the other night, it wasn't a long one but it seemed so vivid... I was convinced it was real, thankfully it wasn't. Try not to worry about them

To everyone: hang in there, even if it's just for me. Remember you are all :A
Take care,
Paul

Miroslav

blinky wrote:

Miro - thanks for posting back. I understand things are difficult right now. Please bear with me as I'm not finding it easy to write as I'm not good with words.

From what you've written part of you wants to move with 'S' but the condition of your flatmate is preventing you. I get the impression that you find it hard to put yourself first (I'm the same). However, we do need to do things for ourselves. I think in the grand scheme of things that it would be better for you to move with 'S'. I know you want to stay and help your flatmate though. Moving with 'S' would make 2 people happier, whereas only 'S' moving would only benefit one. In my book that is the better option.

I suppose possible options could be:

a) Explain to 'S' about flatmate and ask her to delay moving until your flatmate is better or has enough support to cope without you.
b) Explain to 'S' you want to move with her but can't at the moment but you hope to sometime soon.

I don't know if it helps or not.

Feelinggood - Sorry to hear your not doing so well. Nightmare's are horrible things. I had a bad one the other night, it wasn't a long one but it seemed so vivid... I was convinced it was real, thankfully it wasn't. Try not to worry about them

To everyone: hang in there, even if it's just for me. Remember you are all :A
Take care,
Paul

You seem fine with words to me. I'm the one who can't express very well

I do find it hard to put myself first, but my flatmate i've been with for 14 years, 'S' I have known properly for about 5-6 weeks. I've kinda known her for a little longer, but nothing more than hello/goodbye (She said on Saturday she wishes we got to know each other sooner and she was sorry she was too scared too before!)

I've said both your options to 'S', she hasn't responded. I hope she takes them into consideration.

Thanks for your post, your two options I had already mentioned, so at least we think alike!

I've managed something to eat today, just a couple of pieces of toast, which is more than the last 2 days! 'S' offered to buy me food Saturday, but I declined. I kinda lost my appetite after her 'news'

Off to do my song around 5pm-ish

I'll hang around until then, incase anyone pops in.

Apologies for not replying to individual posts, it's energy sapping just to type right now.

Hope you are all okay :wave:

blinky

Miro - glad you've eaten something and don't worry about only having the energy to write the odd post. We all have days like that.

I'm terrible at putting myself first and I know it caused an issue with 'R' as she thought I wanted her to make all the decisions and I wasn't being "manly" enough.

As for missed opportunities - story of my life. I suppose that's why I think it's worth you taking the chance with 'S'. I definitely took a chance with 'R' and so far it's been worthwhile

Better get back to work. Only 1.5h left and much to do.

Take care all.

regularsaver1

ph my god i feel so down today and haven't stopped crying

Sazbo

Thanks so much for posting Miro, when your energies are at such a high premium right now. I totally understand and respect your reasons for not wanting to post on here much, but just to say I really appreciate it when you do.

You may not have known S properly for long, but you've come a very long way in that space of time. And with the degree of honesty, openess and respect that exists between the two of you, in my humble opinion I would say that mountains could be climbed.

Leaving work now. Hope it goes well with the song recording tonight.

Take care,
Sx