depression

feelinggood_2

CCStar wrote:

Blimey, you're lucky to have another place. I would get shot of it.

Yes I feel very trapped. For the past 10 years we have lived in noisy places. I don't know where to look next?

The place we are in now is rented, so the other house is our security thing. Looking in to things, I think OH is going to quit his job and work for himself, so we are probably going to sell it soon.
How about when you find the area, trying to talk to the people who already live in the area to get a feel?

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

I've debated the drinking with myself long and hard - cause or symptom, and I don't really know. I'm not a bad drunk, I'm the life and soul of the party, so much fun and everything. But I end up taking it to far.
I don't drink every day, so I dont think the nightmares are to do with that - I have them even when I've not drank for a few days.
They are about a few different things, general theme of being trapped or rejected. Or loosing someone.
Wish I could have a party now lol.

Do you feel rejected or trapped or fearing losing someone?

What do you do when you are drunk that is 'taking it too far?'

I love analysing dreams/nightmares, they tell you so much.

feelinggood_2

CCStar wrote:

Do you feel rejected or trapped or fearing losing someone?

What do you do when you are drunk that is 'taking it too far?'

I love analysing dreams/nightmares, they tell you so much.

I feel all 3 in real life, but try not to fret about it y'know. If I thought about things, I'd get low again

Drunken behaviour? Awful really. I come on to people. I flirt outrageously. I molest OH rather a lot. I cut the other day. Do a bit of burning, finger trapping in drawers and stuff sometime. Most of its sexual tho. Why? Grr!

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

The place we are in now is rented, so the other house is our security thing. Looking in to things, I think OH is going to quit his job and work for himself, so we are probably going to sell it soon.
How about when you find the area, trying to talk to the people who already live in the area to get a feel?

We did that.

When we came up to Scotland, we rented and kept our place down south. Our place down south was getting too small and it was quiet but had some incidents whilst we lived there, so glad to leave. We sold it 9 months later and rented up here for a while.

You will need the capital if you are going self employed. It sounds a real nightmare, so I would sell it. Pity the poor people who buy it tho'. You can definitely get people to shut them up. Can other people hear it?

I am sure people have got noisier over the years. We lived in smaller places than this and they were much quieter. We are in a large detached house with only three neighbours but they are a/holes:mad:

Horasio

feelinggood wrote:

I feel all 3 in real life, but try not to fret about it y'know. If I thought about things, I'd get low again

Drunken behaviour? Awful really. I come on to people. I flirt outrageously. I molest OH rather a lot. I cut the other day. Do a bit of burning, finger trapping in drawers and stuff sometime. Most of its sexual tho. Why? Grr!

Can I ask, you do feel 'loved' or desired/wanted by your OH? Does he reject you or do you feel rejected by him? I had this feeling from my OH and it made me feel ugly and worthless.

It could be you feeling confident enough when you have been drinking to seek the attention you are feeling you are not getting from your family or OH (not accusing you of being an attention seeker btw) more seeking acceptance from others.

What does the self harm do for you? Is it a release of tension or self punishment? Excuse my ignorance and you don't have to say. I heard it eases the emotional pain. I have been close to doing it myself lately but don't want to damage myself and don't like blood and pain. Mine is a feeling of frustration, that I have no control over my life, despite being an adult.

feelinggood_2

CCStar wrote:

Can I ask, you do feel 'loved' or desired/wanted by your OH? Does he reject you or do you feel rejected by him? I had this feeling from my OH and it made me feel ugly and worthless.

It could be you feeling confident enough when you have been drinking to seek the attention you are feeling you are not getting from your family or OH (not accusing you of being an attention seeker btw) more seeking acceptance from others.

What does the self harm do for you? Is it a release of tension or self punishment? Excuse my ignorance and you don't have to say. I heard it eases the emotional pain. I have been close to doing it myself lately but don't want to damage myself and don't like blood and pain. Mine is a feeling of frustration, that I have no control over my life, despite being an adult.

I don't really know why I feel the way I do.
I just feel frustrated that things aren't how I want them to be - I don't know how I want them, I just wish I was someone else, y'know?
He doesn't reject me that much, i know he loves me. He doesn't live up to what I want him to be. Sometimes he can be selfish

I feel rejected by other people, friends, family, special people too. I think I just want too much.

I don't self harm often, when I cut the other day, it was the first time in about 5 years. For me, i get such a build up of feelings and emotions, I can't cope with them. Cutting helps - seeing the blood is like a release - its all over now. I think there is an element of punishing myself too..

I am an attention seeker, I don't know why tho. I want people to like me. But they don't

I'm just annoyed at who I am, and I'm annoyed at who OH is. He is just an idiot sometimes.

Gotta go now as OH's silly temporary attempt to fix the curtain pole backfired and fell down, smashing loads of glasses on the side, so theres loads of broken glass all over the room, this'll be fun to sort out. I told him it wasn't a good idea.

can_it_be_different

hi all,

thanks for all the advice so far.

I am sure that I do not want to see the doctor. I do trust them 100% but to be honest I cannot see how they can help. Sorry I do not feel that any medication will help or any counselling will help. I may be wrong but I believe that all that is wrong with me is that I am alone.

Has anyone else felt in this position and found that it has been 'resolved' by finding companionship? I have so far avoided just having a relationship for the sake of it but am worried that in future I may hook up with someone just so I am not alone and I know that would not be fair to them.

I know you are advising to get out and join groups and the like but the problem is that there are not the people here that I don't already know - very few people move here and I already know everyone around. But I am also fearful that if I move then I may just feel more alone in a larger area. At the moment at least I have some interaction with people around me but may lose that in a big city if I do not have confidence to get out and about.

Ideal solution would be to meet someone over the net and move away to be nearer them but I am all too aware that this is not going to happen (especially very quickly)

God why can't life be easy!

feelinggood_2

can_it_be_different wrote:

hi all,

thanks for all the advice so far.

I am sure that I do not want to see the doctor. I do trust them 100% but to be honest I cannot see how they can help. Sorry I do not feel that any medication will help or any counselling will help. I may be wrong but I believe that all that is wrong with me is that I am alone.

Has anyone else felt in this position and found that it has been 'resolved' by finding companionship? I have so far avoided just having a relationship for the sake of it but am worried that in future I may hook up with someone just so I am not alone and I know that would not be fair to them.

I know you are advising to get out and join groups and the like but the problem is that there are not the people here that I don't already know - very few people move here and I already know everyone around. But I am also fearful that if I move then I may just feel more alone in a larger area. At the moment at least I have some interaction with people around me but may lose that in a big city if I do not have confidence to get out and about.

Ideal solution would be to meet someone over the net and move away to be nearer them but I am all too aware that this is not going to happen (especially very quickly)

God why can't life be easy!

I really feel for you, can't be an easy situation.
It does sound like move could either really help, or make you feel more alone.
Its scary to consider changing things, esp if you've been where you are now for a long time.
Talking to more people online, with the possibility of a relationship might be good, but don't put too much in to it - you need to make yourself happy. Could you not join a club in the next town? It might be a bit of a drive, but then you could at least see if being around new people is good for you.
Your right that things won't happen quickly online - well they might, but that isn't a good idea. It is very scary to consider moving to be with someone - what if it doesn't work out? I've been in a similar situation, and almost went through with it - chickened out at the last minute tho - I suppose I'm scared to make that change.
Keep talking to us, don't keep everything bottled up
Take care
x

Horasio

I don't really know why I feel the way I do.
I just feel frustrated that things aren't how I want them to be - I don't know how I want them, I just wish I was someone else, y'know?
He doesn't reject me that much, i know he loves me. He doesn't live up to what I want him to be. Sometimes he can be selfishSo can mine be too

I feel rejected by other people, friends, family, special people too. I think I just want too much.I know that feeling

I don't self harm often, when I cut the other day, it was the first time in about 5 years. For me, i get such a build up of feelings and emotions, I can't cope with them. Cutting helps - seeing the blood is like a release - its all over now. I think there is an element of punishing myself too..That is what I heard, the blood being a release, like the bad feelings being released

I am an attention seeker, I don't know why tho. I want people to like me. But they don't

I'm just annoyed at who I am, and I'm annoyed at who OH is. He is just an idiot sometimes. My OH used to leave the freezer door open and the food would all be melted, we didn't have insurance and I would go nuts. We were very poor too in those days

Gotta go now as OH's silly temporary attempt to fix the curtain pole backfired and fell down, smashing loads of glasses on the side, so theres loads of broken glass all over the room, this'll be fun to sort out. I told him it wasn't a good ideaBe careful of the glass, can you get someone in who can hang the rail - nothing more annoying than a bad DIYer:mad:

feelinggood_2

I've cleared up the glass, and the landlord phoned so hopefully some one will be able to get out in the next week or so.

Told OH, he told me I shouldn't be so clumsy lol. My fault obviously.

Sometimes I feel like his mum. Its was awful in Germany - where do I go now? What do I do? Did you bring my passport? Where can I smoke? I just wanted him to think for himself some times!!
Hes getting worse lol, he never even looks for anythin - he'll just ask me if he has any clean trousers. So I'll say yes - they are in the wardrobe where they always are! Why can't he just look? Takes so much effort to get him to do things. There are certain jobs that are his, but he doesn't like doing them. He always askes me to get him things - is there any toothpaste? where is my comb? But does mad and says I treat him like a slave if I ask him to do anything!
Money is a fighitng point at the moment. He's always telling me that we need to save, in a really accuasatory way. We don't have a joint bank account, it is all his money - so how is it my fault? I don't like the way he gets to spend, but I've got to be careful and try and save lol. I don't know where the money goes - bring in about 3 or 4 grand a month, and it just disappears.
All the DIY that has been done since we married 2 years ago has either been done by me or my dad.
Not good that when my parents visit, the first thing they ask is what jobs need doing, where I need to go to buy things. OH hates shopping - I get to go to Tesco or something once a month if that. Gotta buy everything online.

Why does everything he does annoy me? Why can't I stand his voice sometimes? Why do I not like him touching me? Why why why did I get married

Rant over. I feel a little better now

Oh one more thing, he is complaining that we don't see his parents enough, and that we spend more time with mine. I don't like to spend too long with his parents as all we do is sit in the living room drinking tea (I don't drink hot drinks so I don't have anything) and I always feel like they hate me. Ever time we leave, I have to ask him what I said wrong, as I always say something wrong. I don't feel welcomed in to his family at all. My family welcomed him in with open arms (once they got over the shock of the age gap). It was my mum who reasurred him that it was alright for us to go out, even tho I was only 15. Yeah.