OH Advice please.. bit long!!

woof_12

Money_maker wrote: »

If he were to post on here, OP, what would his take on this be?

Sounds like you need some professional guidance. You dont even like him - do you? I would never advocate abandoning a marriage unless there really was a problem but it doesn't even sound as though you have a relationship.

So sorry I cant help.

Thank you... but thats whats weriod we are alright 99% of the time IYSWIM!!

emsywoo123

I know you have tried talking to him, but try again. If it helps, show him this thread!

woof_12

emsywoo123 wrote: »

I know you have tried talking to him, but try again. If it helps, show him this thread!

he wouldn't like me talking to strangers about it

LegalBlonde

My comments still stand if they refer to him LYING to you before, not cheating.

If there is no trust in the relationship you will never be 100% happy. This must niggle at you constantly and you can't be happy. For YOUR sake I think you really need to address this. You obviously can't just move on and forget about it or you would not have posted here.

I think you need to tell him that no matter what he thinks about you, and no matter what he says to you, the whole situation has made you unhappy and made you realise you have trust issues.

If he does not explain himself or doesn't tell you what you want to hear, I would tell him you need to take a break to sort your head out.

What response from him would you be happy with?

emsywoo123

woof_12 wrote: »

he wouldn't like me talking to strangers about it

If it were me, I would point out that I had little choice as he would not speak to me about it.;)

LegalBlonde

Woof I really would urge you talk to him and let us know what happens. For your own short term sanity and long term happiness. I only started using the relationships board on my time off over xmas and 9/10 times the OP hears the advice, and either doesn't like or realises it's what they knew all along and never come back!

So let us know what you decide to do and what happens. Even if you decide NOT to talk to him, you need to come to some sort of conclusive decision for your own peace of mind x

woof_12

Thank you all for the advice.. think I need to do even more thinking...

Problem is he doesn't think he has done anything wrong so gets fed up talking about it IYGWIM

Sorry if not made myself very clear but not good at writing it down!!!

more updates later!!

thorsoak

Simple - why don't YOU organise a cleaner (male) to come round and do the housework - tell OH's "cleaner" that you can't afford her as OH has lost one of his sources of income and that you are going to have to make other arrangements.

Don't let things "niggle" you - bring them to a head!

LegalBlonde

I think if it was not this woman cleaner it would be someone else though. Or something else. To me it is not even about the possibility of an affair - it is that he has lied to her on several occasions about different things and she does not trust him anyway - if she doesn't trust him, he could be in any situation which would lead to her feeling this way. I am not really taking your comment 100% seriously but I don't really see how a male cleaner will help although LOL I do enjoy my male cleaner on The Sims!!!

thorsoak

LegalBlonde wrote: »

I think if it was not this woman cleaner it would be someone else though. Or something else. To me it is not even about the possibility of an affair - it is that he has lied to her on several occasions about different things and she does not trust him anyway - if she doesn't trust him, he could be in any situation which would lead to her feeling this way. I am not really taking your comment 100% seriously but I don't really see how a male cleaner will help although LOL I do enjoy my male cleaner on The Sims!!!

Maybe I should have said - call his bluff!

The "cleaner" is the tip of the iceberg here, I'm sure ....but until we know just what the problem actually is, we cannot really give constructive advice