Right Age Of Having A Baby?!

lil_me

I wanted to wait until I was 30, had a job lined up (live in post) when I found out I was 6 months pregnant with my first son when I was 20. Didn't go according to plan, did the kids first education later approach but it has worked for me. I don't think there is a right and wrong age, depends on the person.

ms_london

lil_me wrote:

I wanted to wait until I was 30, had a job lined up (live in post) when I found out I was 6 months pregnant with my first son when I was 20. Didn't go according to plan, did the kids first education later approach but it has worked for me. I don't think there is a right and wrong age, depends on the person.

I do agree with you. If I fell pregnant I would have it, but as with everyone else, you have a rough idea of how you want things to happen in your life & when.!

Downsizing__for_sanity

I'm 21 weeks pregnant now and aged 28. To be honest I think it's hard whatever age you are. I had a difficult time health-wise for the first 16 weeks and don't know what I'd have done if I didn't have my husband to cook, clean and generally take care of me. Additionally, we were lucky in that I could afford to take time off sick then even though I only got SSP.

Did anyone see the Panorama documentary last Sunday? Very topical thread! What annoys me is that I've worked hard at school, gone to university to get a good degree and good job and bought a house, and let alone being lucky enough to have met my husband when I was 23, I can't see how anyone is possibly supposed to do all this any quicker!!

Either the media say we're having babies too late - and so we're selfish for wanting a decent standard of living and some career success - or women who just want to go for it when they are biologically in their prime (18-25)are "irresponsible"! But the bottom line is, whilst we might like to think we can have it all and fit in babies when it's convenient, the sad fact is that women have a shorter biological shelf life than men. Unfair but true.

abbecer

I was 26 and 28 when I had my 2 beautiful boys. For me that was the right age as i felt ready. Son no. 2 was a little accident and came into the world sooner than planned but we wouldn't change him. Emotionally we were ready but financially you never are, even with the best planning. DH is 2 years older than me and he feels the same. We were at an age where we felt we had done a lot of what we wanted and felt ready to commit the rest of our lives to our little people. We still do go out and have a social life without the kids but it's not the bee all and end all of everything. Personally for us, had we had children sooner i think we would have felt like we were missing out on clubbing etc and resented having to stay in a lot of the time.

We have two happy children and a happy life so we can't ask for more.

Except a bit more money would be nice!!!

Rebecca x:rotfl:

irchy_mum

I was 30 when I had my first and 33 with the second,I had to wait as I lived in London and the cost of living was so expensive I couldn't even afford a mortgage until I was 27!

I also wanted to go abroad and see the world a bit (OK just girly holidays to Tenerife:beer: )But she was well worth the wait (had been feeling broody for about 2 years):rolleyes:

Then my husband left me (when DD was 9 months old) and that was it for a year until I met my OH who already had 2 older girls but at 40 he still wanted a child with me. :embarasse :

There is no right or wrong age to have a child(lets not forget they're only babies for a short time)and as long as that child is loved it doesn't really matter.

Jo x:A

mummytofour

I was 19 when I had my dd she was a dream as a baby.. she hard work now at 9.
My boys followed on after her and I was 21,23,26 and 28 when I had my 4 boys.
To be honest I have had good babies, I find them hard when they get to about 20 months onwards! Boys are easier than girls by far.

sarymclary

lady_fuschia wrote:

"I'd rather regret not having children than regret having them."
Besides, there's always adoption. Having children young because you want them and feel ready is one thing, but I worry that too many women are starting to have them before they are really ready because of media scaremongering about biological clocks.
Rant over!

The simple answer to the original question is that scientifically a woman's body is at it's optimum for childbearing between the ages of 18-29. After 30 a woman's fertility nosedives dramatically year on year, and by age 35 it deteriorates significantly (not only in quantity but quality). It'd be the equivalent of choosing to boil 6 month old chicken eggs for breakfast!

I can offer a few real-life examples of early and late motherhood, which you can draw your own conclusions from.

My own mother had 4 children at age 18, 19, 32 & 36 (I was the last). My 2older sisters had a vastly different upbringing to me in that they were 'mothered' whilst my mother stayed at home until they were at high school. However, by the time I had started nursery school my mother was working. She'd had enough of staying home and wanted to live her life again - or at last! Subsequently she relinquished the household duties to my sister 4 yrs older, and myself, and when he wasn't working long hours, my father. My parents were the eldest amongst my friends parents, which was embarrassing, I was an auntie at age 4, they weren't interested in going to parks or funfairs, but preferred to socialise with their friends. I do understand, because they'd had 20 years as parents already, and clearly wanted a different life.

I met my husband at 24 and by 25 was married and then had my first son, had my second at age 26, my third at age 31 and my youngest at age 33. That was about the latest I would have left having children. I had no fertility problems, but was prepared, even at 25 for at least 5 years of treatment prior to adoption. I was more prepared to sacrifice my salary in my 20's than have to do so in my 30-40's, and for me I think it was the right choice. None of us know what is along the way, and although I'm now raising my children alone after being widowed, I have to say that bringing them into the world was the most important and significant moment in my life. No journey, job or experience I could pay hard cash for could come close. Yes it's hard work, it's challenging, but it's most definitely rewarding in a way no end of year pay review, or collecting my holiday photos could be.

My best friend put off having a family throughout her 20's and 30's due to career aspirations, wanting to travel the world, experience white water rafting, diving in coral reefs, skydiving, bungee jumping and not believing she'd met Mr Right yet. Then she thought she met Mr Right (he was Mr Wrong BTW), fell pregnant then miscarried. Medical treatment as a result then proved that she had entered the menopause prematurely, and that her window of opportunity was less than a year at the best. She was 38. So Mr Wrong had disappeared, and also her hopes of becoming a mum. I sat her down and had a chat (over an entire weekend) with her, and asked her whether she prioritised Mr Right or a baby. Her honest answer was a baby, and she was devastated. So, I advised her that she should follow her heart, and we set about organising fertility treatment for her. After 2 attempts my lovely friend became the proud mother of my gorgeous goddaughter, Rosie, just 7 weeks shy of her 40th birthday. The pregnancy was not without it's problems due to her age, and she was considered high risk. Rosie was born 5 weeks early, and has not been without her health problems, but is thriving now. My friend's message to any other woman out there is to not put it off. She's not been able to do it how she would have liked, she will have to raise her child alone, and will have to continue working. She had a reunion with school friends last year when 4 other women there said how they envied my friend for her career, house, lifestyle, etc., and she said there wasn't one of them she wouldn't have swapped places with because they were all mums, regardless of their relationship situations subsequently. Throughout her 30's she'd supported friend's having abortions, and wishing she could have had a baby, and saw a friend who had a baby in her late 30's have her daughter adopted because she was born with Down's Syndrome and she rejected her, and wishing she could have adopted her. All because she wanted to meet Mr Right. She is more in love with her daughter than she feels she's ever loved any man, and regrets leaving it so late, and knowing she can't have any more now, but she's also incredibly grateful to have achieved her wish, and feels she's fulfilled her life's aim - at last! She is also totally shattered physically, and knows that 10 years earlier would have been far easier.:A

Adoption isn't easily achieved, the process is incredibly invasive, and you have to have ceased fertility treatment to show your 100% commitment, and there are always more parents in waiting than there are babies/young children. There are an awful lot who have had dreadful starts in life and come with their own host of issues and baggage, but they can offer a rewarding chance to be a mum and dad.

Having children is a massive commitment, because it's for your lifetime. When they've left home and have their own children, they'll still need you for emotional support, but it's also a huge privilege to be responsible for the next generation of Money Saving Experts!! :A

nearlyrich

I had my son age 24 and my daughter just 19 months later when I was 26, now I am almost 45, they are adults although they are both at uni and I still support them financially. I was a single parent for a few years after my ex decided the responsibilities of fatherhood were not for him and later met and even later married my lovely DH. We didn't have any more children as he has some of his own anyway.

I went back to work at 28 to support the children and my job turned into a good career, now I am really glad I had them when I did although it was hard at times. I am still young (17 in my head LOL) enjoy going off on the type of holidays which would be difficult with young children, with my job I spend nights away again not easy if you have a young family.

My mum was 30 when she married had my brother and me by her 2nd anniversary, 2 more before any of us went to school and then 2 more aged 40 and 42. My younger siblings had a different experience growing up to the older members of the family, there was more money as less of us were dependent and contributed to the family budget so they had holidays, school trips etc. However my dad died age 55, (16 years ago today) and my youngest brother was only 17 so he missed out on an adult relationship with him.

A friend of mine has an 18 year old and a 4 year old, she is now 40 and whilst she loves being a mum it is a lot harder than it was at 22, she also has a full time job because her ex didn't like responsibility either.

I also feel sorry for some of my ambitious and very capable colleagues who could get to the top but they want children too and they realise they really can't have it all.