Eager Elephant's Effective Everyday Excursion ...

Chrystal

Here's another one wishing you well, and hoping everything is OK. Take care. X

Eager_Elephant

Thanks everyone for posting to check how I am.

I have been posting a bit on other diaries but not come on here.

So the positives are that I love my single life, I like just being me and only having to worry about DD and the animals.
The negatives are that I haven't done any money making for 2 months and am skint but as I said before I'm skint because of me and not because the STBEXH has had my money

I had to put my car and truck insurance on the credit card and am using my credit cards for day to day stuff and each pay day paying off a lump sum, so the money I was saving monthly for insurances etc now just goes off the credit card instead with the idea being that in a year the balance will be considerably less and I will have made inroads in to the debt.

This month is skinter than normal as DD has a school trip - £250 and of course STBEXH has no money - he has asked to borrow money a few times but then changed his mind, I told him to look at his budget again as when I did it it balances, he tells me he is £66 over budget and what did he need to do. I told him to start cutting back on his sky package and all his luxuries.
Finally I think he has realised how much I subsidised his lifestyle.

I have started the divorce process on line and will hopefully finish it this weekend - I told him last weekend that I was doing it so he didnt get a shock when it arrived in the post and his only comment was that he knew I had met someone else, I told him I could meet someone whether I was divorced or not!!!
He does not want to take any responsibility for our marriage ending - the only downside to mentioning the divorce is how emotional it has made me. I rarely cried throughout our marriage even when I found out each time what he had been doing so I think its 17 years of hurt, anger, frustration.
I dont like crying and see it as a sign of weakness, my best friend has told me in no uncertain terms to realise its not a weakness and to accept it as part of the healing process.

Chrystal

It's good to see you posting again EE, and I'm glad to hear of the positives in your life.

As for STBEXH when reality finally does hit him it's going to be with a wallop!

I agree totally with your best friend... crying is part of the healing process. Think of the 17 years of 'hurt anger and frustration' as a large abscess that has been growing inside for those 17 years and then it has burst... the crying is getting rid of it. It will take time but in the end it's going to be healed. ((hugs))

HairyHandofDartmoor

Chrystal wrote: »

It's good to see you posting again EE, and I'm glad to hear of the positives in your life.

As for STBEXH when reality finally does hit him it's going to be with a wallop!

I agree totally with your best friend... crying is part of the healing process. Think of the 17 years of 'hurt anger and frustration' as a large abscess that has been growing inside for those 17 years and then it has burst... the crying is getting rid of it. It will take time but in the end it's going to be healed. ((hugs))

I totally agree with this. Crying makes you stronger, because it releases the hurt inside you so that you can heal. You are definitely better off without STBEXH.

crazy_cat_lady

Oh my goodness EE - I cry at absolutely everything. It appears to be my default emotion. I cry if I'm happy, sad, tired, stressed, worried, angry, frustrated etc etc etc. I'm ashamed because I just cry at everything (I have cried more so far over my boss's current situation than he has). But crying is ok, and a perfectly normal emotion.
Let's be honest here EE, he has pretty much put you through hell the past 17 or so years. All while you've supported him and tried to help him. Lots of people have told me that I'm grieving for the life I wanted to have and that's why I'm so upset about the divorce. I expect your emotions will be something similar.
As always, our lives continue to mirror each other - and I am also struggling with money and stressing about Christmas coming. I'm always here to support you if I can though.
Keep on keeping on... and I hope the divorce comes through sooner than mine seems to be.

Sun_Addict

So pleased you're enjoying the single life. I agree with what others have said, crying will be down to 17 years of pent up emotion coming out. It will be a good day when you can finally shed the ex and just concentrate on yourself, DD and the animals - he'll have to sort his own finances out.

Onwards and upwards EE

please-let-me-be-lucky

For me, it’s worse when I don’t cry. It means I’m numb and don’t care anymore. Perhaps your new lease of life has made you less numb and by being happier you are therefore more able to be sad?!

So glad to hear it’s all worked out for the best though EE. Well done for being brave and seeing it through Xx

Seasidegal58

Hi EE - so pleased that you're posting again on your diary and enjoying your single status. Can only echo everyone 's comments above on how things have affected you emotionally.

With regard to ex's finances, if I recall didn't he have quite a few things from when relative passed away. Can he not sort these out and sell what he doesn't need? You're right reminding about how much fritters away - but, hey, not your problem now right?

Sun_Addict

Hope all is ok EE xx

Eager_Elephant

Its been ages since I've been on....I've been getting in to more debt and I need to get a grip so I've been too embarrassed to post.

1st January will be my new start, I'm going to redo my budget this month and sort myself out.

Things are rather up on the air at the moment, DD is with me permanently for now as STBEXH took an overdose last weekend and is currently sectioned.

Its been a huge shock and very few people know - DD doesn't know, she just thinks he is poorly.
My friends and family are fab but they have never had experience of having a relationship with someone with mental health but I have had fab support from CCL who knows exactly what I'm going through.

Not sure if it was a cry for help or emotional blackmail - I'm thinking the latter but it hasn't changed my mind and in fact I hate him a lot right now for having done this. I visit every couple of days to take clothes, books and fruit etc, some might not even do that but at the end of the day he is my DD's father and she adores him so much so I have to get him better for her.

Hopefully next time I'm back I'll have better news.