Eager Elephant's Effective Everyday Excursion ...

badmemory

Have you talked to DD? She may well have seen/felt a lot more than you think she has. Kids these days are a lot more aware of what is going on around them than they were even 20 years ago.

HairyHandofDartmoor

I hope things are going okay EE. Bad Memory is right that DD may have cottoned on to more than you think.

Chrystal

Just to say I'm thinking about you, and hoping things are improving.
There's no quick and easy answer to this type of situation - it could go on for years (been there!) so think seriously about letting DD know the truth. Mental health IS an illness, but I decided that 'being there' for him made him rely on me more... not a good situation, and it's easy to get sucked in by emotional blackmail, which can take over your life. Plus he HAS to learn to cope without you if he's going to eventually get better. (((hugs)))

Eager_Elephant

Thanks everyone for your supportive posts - they have been a big help.

Review did not go ahead as his review day is Monday and someone had a Tribunal which took up all the time so you just have to wait another week - no wonder the NHS is in crisis if people are staying in units like this when they don't need to be.

I was so stressed by Saturdays trip out I told him I couldn't visit until Wednesday (instead of Monday) as I was too busy but if he needed stuff I would get my brother to take it in - he said he would manage.

By Wednesday I had had enough, his other boss (HR) has been ringing to see exactly what is going on and whether he should go to work as he works in a school, just how do you explain to someone exactly what has gone on over the years to make him like this without breaching confidentiality.

During Wednesdays visit I told him he needed to get himself out of there, he looked awful and has spent a lot of time asleep and that being shut in there is not helping as he is too protected from the real world and he has no routine and no normality. He said that his workers had told him there was no discharge plan so he assumes he is very ill and doesnt realise it.
He had already asked for weekend leave but no one had said or done much about it so I told him to chase it up and I would be up at some point but I didnt know when as I am too busy.


By Thursday I had a message to say home leave was looking likely and then on Friday he called to say it was granted and could i collect him which I did Friday night and took him to his although he had lied to me about how the leave and discharge would work and when he was 'found out' he had 'the look' on his face which means 'I have been caught lying so instead of admitting it I will put this smile/smirk on and plead ignorance and everyone will believe me' - I could have smacked him one, it is the same look he has had for years everytime I caught him lying/cheating and it just does something to me that enrages me.
No one has told me how or what to do so the only thing I did was make sure he had bread, butter and milk in (he has other food at his already) and remove all the tablets in his house apart from the ones the hospital gave him.

I didnt check up on him all weekend although he text on Saturday to say he had a bad migraine, I told him to just get on with it and if he hadnt taken an overdose he would have had painkillers in his house.

I took him back last night and he went without complaint, he has his discharge review today and although he felt the weekend went badly and he didnt leave the house as too scared he realises that being in the unit is not helping his mental health and as he is no longer suicidal (so he says) he is going to ask them to let him home so he can get back in to some sort of routine.

I'll be so glad when he is back at his as DD can also get back in to the routine she likes (Sun eve - Fri am at his and Fri pm - Sun pm at mine), she has not asked any questions still and the pretence is still there. I hate lying, its like my worst nightmare and I'm having to do it, i asked STBEXH if I could tell her the truth and he said no!!


Anyway, onwards and upwards - collecting my son from Uni today so it will be nice to have him home even if I end up with most of my kitchen in his room!!

Eager_Elephant

I got a call from STBEXH just before we set off to say he had been discharged so I collected him enroute and he came with me and DD.

It was just like old times, we all chatted and laughed and there was no mention of the elephant in the room.

Lets hope it continues....

beanielou

Really hoping that it does continue.

Sun_Addict

He's lucky to have you on his side after all he's done. Some would just turn their backs on him and let him get on with it, which is what he deserves really.

Please remember to take care of yourself in all this xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

Happy Christmas EE :xmastree: :xmassign: :santa2:.

WannabeFree

HairyHandofDartmoor wrote: »

Happy Christmas EE :xmastree: :xmassign: :santa2:.

From me too, hope things have settled back down enough for you to enjoy Xmas

x

Chrystal

Wishing you a Peaceful Christmas and that 2019 brings everything good your way. ((hugs))X