Eager Elephant's Effective Everyday Excursion ...

Sun_Addict

Can empathise with you re OH and spending. Mr SA is the same, he doesn't understand. Before he got ill he was self employed and I always said it cost him more to go to work than he earned.

Good to see you posting on your own diary xx

HairyHandofDartmoor

It seems very common in a partnership for one person to be good with money and one to fritter it. Imagine if two fritterers got married, I dread to think what would happen :eek:.

It must be very difficult for you EE but I think you were right to put your foot down.

XSpender

You did the right thing in being firm with your DH about his spending. I find it very difficult to say no to my DH, if we were on the same page we would be in a much better position than we are. He is an intelligent, hard working 48 year old and I shouldn't have to tell him what he can and cant have but I am going to take a leaf out of your book and start saying no, its not in the budget a lot more.

mummytogirls

You have definitely done the right thing re DH! Glad he had listened too xx

Seasidegal58

Sorry to hear about OH’s spending EE. His head has a lot to answer for but I agree that treating him like a child and giving him boundaries is perhaps the only way forward with him. I hope you also reiterated that if he ever wants his forever small holding he’s not going to get it via Amazon! But at least he sounds like he’s taking notice - you obviously got through to him!

Seasidegal58

.........P.S. how are the kittens EE? Also hope that relative is doing well.

beanielou

Oooh yes the kittens
Was lucky enough to see two lovely wee black kittens today.

Sun_Addict

We're only here for the kittens LOL.

Hope everything is ok xx

Eager_Elephant

The kittens are fine - I will try to get a new photo and post it up.

DH's spending did not get sorted in the end like I assumed it would - I have really had enough so I have asked him for a divorce and for him to move out:eek:

The issue which tipped me over the edge is actually quite insignificant but he had done so much to annoy me over the past few weeks that I just got more and more frustrated with him and at times considered whether I could get away with murder:eek: Surely that is not good in any marriage.

Its funny really because he has done some really bad relationship ending stuff in the past and I have glossed over it but never forgot or forgave - my long term plan was to leave when DD is 18 but I just cant cope with him any longer.

I don't know if this is just how he is bearing in mind he has had depression since before I met him, now he has the Neuro issues I don't know if this made him better or worse or whether its me that causes him to be like this.

I appreciate that I have not taken my Agnus Castus regularly and this may be the root cause of my lack of tolerance but actually I feel quite ok with my decision.

I spoke to DH about it again last night as he did not believe me last weekend and he said he will leave in the New Year. The thing that has scared him and me is that this time he and I know that I really mean it because actually he hasn't done anything as bad as he has done in the past and I didn't ask for a divorce then.

So the thing which tipped me right over the edge was the TV package we have - I know it sounds stupid but honestly it just sums him up completely:rotfl:
Our TV bill was always around £68 pm (having increased up to there gradually over the years), then last month it was £86:eek:. I asked DH to look into it and he said he couldn't log in to find the bill so I assumed he had added something extra and didn't want me to know. I eventually managed to log into the account and I realised that when the TV provider changed their packages they have upgraded us to include Sport (I know DH didn't do this as he doesn't watch sport) so I told DH we needed to sit down and work out what we can get rid of to reduce the bill as we now have Netflix and there is a lot of cross over.

No chat happened and he came home from work one day to say he had called them and there was nothing we could do and we were stuck with all the channels as they had moved us over to a 12mth contract. I knew this was wrong and that we only had to give 1mths notice to get rid of certain aspects of our package which I was fine with and knew we would have the higher bill for another month or so.

A week later a letter arrived in the post from TV provider and the envelope mentions 'your new card' so I opened it and it appears DH has signed up for the newest box from this provider:eek::mad: DH comes home from work and claims that they had rung him the day before to offer him this and it would be half the cost of our current bill.
I knew it was a lie that they had called him the day before as cards take time to be made and printed and he had probably signed up during the initial call but just failed to tell me.

I ignored this issue and then on the weekend the engineer turned up to fit the new box/dish and wires:eek: The house was a mess, DH didn't care and I was just so angry I told him I had enough of him and this was the end of our marriage.

I hid upstairs while DH dealt with the engineer, the state of the house and the dogs.:rotfl:

As I was so angry DH decides to then place all the blame on me (like he always does) and says that if I didn't react like that when he does things he would feel able to tell me when he has done something. I told him he was a liar and if after 17 years he does not know that lying by omission really gets my goat then there was no point to our marriage.

I did explain that if he had told me after the initial call that the only way to reduce our bill was by signing up to something new and the date the engineer was coming I would have been fine with it but now I am just so angry.

This is par for the course of our marriage and I am fed up.

DH said he pays for the TV so he can do what he likes plus it is in his name, yes it is in his name but the bill comes from the joint bill account so surely I get some say in it don't I???
I only wanted to reduce the bill so we can reduce our outgoings as our dream of a smallholding is getting further away.

I think because I stopped him buying on Amazon he has retaliated by doing this, its like a parent/child relationship and has been for many years and I am now done with it.

I have even worked out that I can afford all the outgoings on my wages (DD will live with DH) and I have never done that before.

So, hopefully 2018 will bring the start of a new single life with just me to sort out:T

redofromstart

EE, hope everything works out the way you want it to. Give those kittens a cuddle form me.