Eager Elephant's Effective Everyday Excursion ...

taxi73

A good reduction and good luck with the jobs

Eager_Elephant

Thanks Taxi for taking the time out of your day to post on my diary. I know you are busy recovering. (((Taxi)))

EE

Eager_Elephant

Did my scratchcard today and won £5 :T

Have withdrawn £10 so when this shows in a few days will pay this to Paypal.

I have rung up about cleaning jobs but they had both gone

Have mostly been doing housework today although did pop to doctor's - £7.20 for a prescription :eek:
Also had to buy card for DS's half brother and collected books from library - son now has about 15 books to read. Will be going to library next Weds to return books to prevent charges - usually get at least £10 every month :eek:

Forgot to mention the budget - I am quite happy with it overall. Main effect will be the frozen child benefit but as it only increased by about 20p a week every year it's not too bad.

EE

taxi73

Well done on the scratchcard win

Eager_Elephant

Well yesterday's hospital visit passed off without too much drama. Arrived there at 10.30, gave the nurse DH's name, she checked the computer and asked to see our letter . I thought we had the wrong day. DH says 'yeah I'm a bit early' turns out we were actually 1.5 hours late.

His appointment had been changed some time in the last few days and we hadn't had a letter :eek:

Luckily they agreed to do the procedure today(DH was nearly crying with starvation, I reminded him that this is how the children of Africe feel) so sat readings magazines for 2 hours - it was bliss, don't get the chance much.

Had a disagreement with DH as well. I have issues with DH lying (stems from his online emotional affairs) so now every little lie really winds me up - he knows this so why does he do it?!? :mad:
Yesterday a letter arrives which looked quite official so I asked who had sent it, he claims it was Animal Health to say thanks for registering. We had already had a letter with our numbers on so although I know the Government like wasting money I knew they wouldn't send a thank you letter!! :rotfl:
I asked to see the letter, he then admitted it was from Shelter. I asked whether he had signed up for a donation the other night when they rang and he spoke to them upstairs for half an hour. He claims he did not sign up and it was a letter to say thanks for talking to them :mad:. God he must think I'm thick!!

Anyway he takes the letter indoors (we were in the car) and he left it out of the envelope by the telephone so I had a quick look and he has signed up for a donation of £3.00 per month :mad:

Ok it's not much but when you owe £18,000+ it is a huge amount especially as he is still talking about buying a farm etc.

I don't really care about the money he is giving away it's the fact he lied to me. We have been to counselling for this and DH says he lies as he doesn't want to disappoint me if he hasn't done what I asked and also as he is not a child why does he have to tell me everything? As mentioned in other posts (it's getting boring now!) the counsellor said we have a mother/child relationship which is unhealthy which is why I stopped commenting when he brought things off ebay to stop us getting into the cycle of arguing and making up.

I tried to speak to him about lying but he wouldn't listen and later in the evening when we went for a walk and he tried to hold my hand I wouldn't let him. He asked what was wrong so I said about his lying and he went oh ok and carried on with his walk.

I'm now wondering whether this is another tactic of his to get a reaction out of me which proves I love him in a warped way or whether he really cannot help himself. We have been together 11 years and he has always lied even at the start, just little things which did not affect me but for the last 7 years it has been things which do affect me.

So do I just ignore it and hope it improves (but then I am keeping my negative feelings inside) or do I bring it up each time so he knows I am annoyed? I don't want him thinking he has been a perfect husband for all these years (which most people think he has) and then in 9 years I dovorce him without him knowing why.

Sorry for the long rant.

Today should be better although I have to go to work - at least there everyone's problems are worse than mine.

Task for today is to sort my parking fine tonight and post on pepipoo.com again with information I have gathered.

EE

taxi73

I don't know the answers to your question re DH but am sending hugs.

moo2moo

Pants, pants and pants again. At least you do get to go to work to get away from everything.

Eager_Elephant

Thanks everyone for your thoughts.

Have managed to resolve the latest situation with DH.

While we were out for a walk (so no getting away!) I mentioned that I would like to discuss the issue.

DH was fine with this and said that he didn't like to let me or anyone else down so had lied about the letter as he knew I wouldn't be pleased due to his debt situation.

I asked whether he realised that by lying he had let me down even more and he said he knows but he can't help it.
(When we had counselling at Relate we discussed this and it is to do with his childhood when his mum used to lie to his dad about drinking even when she was completely sloshed. I guess he see's it as normal, not that this is any excuse)

Later that evening I read a post on the forums regarding a lady who's mum had slept with her boyf :eek: - DH has not done this but something a poster said about responsibility really hit home. Basically every situation that occurs has a reason and people should take responsibility, not blame just responsibility for their part in it however small.

That night I said to DH that I wanted to discuss it more to find out what responsibility I needed to take for our incident.
Firstly he said that I shouldn't have gone mad when he signed up for a donation as it was his money - I agreed with him and said it wasn't about the money as we have seperate finances but about the lying about the letter.

So we traced back from the start of the incident and I realised that I was fully to blame for him lying to me. When Shelter rung that morning, DH was in bed stressed about something or other so I told them he was ill in bed. They rung back that evening and I told DH that he better not donate any money.
Clearly this was not my business so why did I say it.
Subsequently he decided to donate but told me he had not because he knew I would be angry because of what I had said to him before the call.

Then the letter arrived and the lies got bigger because of the first lie.....

Hope you're keeping up...

If I had not mentioned the donation thing the lies would not have started. So I must learn to keep my mouth shut about things which are nothing to do with me.

I know I probably sound like a victim of DV saying I am to blame but I am on this occassion.

I really like this whole pyschology/counselling thing with relationships because I can see where we/I go wrong.

I did mention to him that I understand his finances are his but how would be feel when my debts are paid off and his are still there. He said he would be gutted but then said he will sell his car and reduce his debts.
The latest on selling the car is that he will do it in September after he has brought 6mths tax and also when he has had the air-con fixed.
I will believe this when I see it but have tried to refrain from commenting.

EE

Eager_Elephant

Tried to follow Flylady again last week but it wasn't that successful due to appts etc but managed to get most of Level 1 done in all rooms.

Have booked new cat in to vets to be spayed on Weds.
Long story short, someone rescued 4 kittens and their mum from a house. They have the kittens we have the cat which we will have to rehome as we are only allowed 2 cats here. I think my mum will have her. The lady who rescued them has given me £20 towards the cost which was nice of her.
Although the cat was nearly no more this morning when she jumped out of a bedroom window :eek:
No excuse for it as the bedroom door was open and so was the back door so she could have walked out instead of thinking she was super-man!!

At the weekend we acquired 8 lambs (all male and entire). We will be fattening these up ready for slaughter from Nov onwards. Should make some profit from this and also means we have lovely free range meat that we know exactly where they have been from birth to slaughter.

I know you are all probably wondering why a vegetarian is killing animals :eek: . Although I am vegetarian it is because of the whole animal cruelty issue, I know that my animals have been well looked after and therefore it is ok to eat them.
I did consider eating some of our own turkeys but when the time came I couldn't bear to.

Need to really get debt busting as need to clear my Paypal card, will check bank in case scratchcard money is in.

Had a letter today from Santander to say that the rate on my card is going up from 15.9% to 21.9% from Aug, although cash rate has come down from 27.9% to 25.9%!!
This card has just finished it's promotional rate although the latest statement does not mention estimated interest etc so maybe they have forgotten me and I can have 0% for ever.

EE

magpiedawn

Hi Eager Elephant
Typed your whole name cause it makes me smile saying it every time i love it.
Just came for a catch up to see how you are doing and it certainly made me think about the psychology of who is really to blame when an argument happens i never thought about it that way but i am going to trace a disagreement back to its roots next time and i am sure i will learn something, not with OH though he left for pastures new 5 1/2yrs ago