little_h's big dreams :)

little_h_2

evening all, thank you for your kind words.

Wordsmith - I think you have hit a nail on the head here. I have spent rather a lot of energy on ex fiance this week, rather than thinking about things with my ex hubby (listen to me, what must i sound like!). I know I am upset about the baby situation and can't let go of it, and I really need to. I think I have just made the connection.

jsut a quick one this evening - fabulous news, I have been accepted on the Italy trip! yay! better news is that the transport from the airport that I was fretting about, is all arranged and there will be someone to meet anyone who arrives at the airport and drop them back when they need to return. Seems very well organised so far. I am SO excited.

I wonder if this is the Great Revelation to which my fortune cookie referred - it said a great revelation would be made, I thought it was a day late after the baby news :rotfl: but I got the email from my harp teacher on the Friday, and when I think what wonderful musical things could happen as a result of this trip, well!

Work is much more bearable already, I needed to have something in the diary and oh boy do I now have it. I would like to learn some Italian so will look out for some CDs to go in the car. I needed some focus for my playing and I now have it. The course has a lot of focus on creativity and inner stuff as well as playing and this is a massive area of stuff to explore for me. Hopefully in a few months, I will have polished up a few pieces and will really be able to take them to the next level which I know I can do, but am feeling a few little blocks in the way.

will catch up on diaries tomorrow, off to bed now. Night all x

Shoe_Gal

:j fab news about Itlay! And well deserved

beanielou

Great news on Italy.
So glad it has given you a lift :j

Wordsmith

Oooh, Italy sounds just wonderful. How lovely to have that to look forward to. And a great musical goal as well. Enjoy the anticipation!

Is your friend going, too?

little_h_2

I emailed all the details to my harp buddy and am hoping she can come too! It would be fab, although I know the only way to throw yourself totally into new experiences is to go it alone. So either way I will be fine.

Today has been a slow and tough day at work. The morning was good, I got something tricky to work and discovered something else useful in the mean time.

This afternoon I made an idiot of myself with my boss, asked her what to do about something when we had already agreed what I would do yesterday. I felt so stupid and was a bit snappy, but I was so embarrassed at forgetting. It has been a very tricky situation (the whole issue, long story) and I will be glad when it's all out the way. but she has a memory like an elephant so I know it won't be forgotten

I've just got in and had my tea, and am about to do some practice before dragging myself out to the pub for bike night (in the car heehee). I can't believe it has been a month since the last one already! I am not really feeling that great about going but will try and convince myself. I can always come home if it's not feeling right.

Tomorrow and Thursday I have my 2 work from home days thank goodness. I have lots to get stuck into so am hopeful of a couple of good productive guilt free days.

Tomorrow evening after teaching my harp pupil, I will be off to the cinema - the first film society screening since I joined. I have never been to the cinema on my own but am looking forward to it, I saw someone on their own when I went to see Black Swan and they looked very comfy curled up in the seat. So now I feel much more confident about it!

Tonight is my 3rd AF day on the bounce which is great :j I am tired but don't have the heavy feeling I would normally have.

I have the dreaded concert on Saturday and am then off to get my harp photos done on Sunday. So will mostly be in the car or packing/unpacking the harp this weekend! Looks like my challenge of an AF weekend could be perfectly timed, as I won't want to face either day with a hangover!

I am

little_h_2

evening all.

not such a great day today. I went to the pub last night, pushed myself quite hard to go. I stayed for one drink but wasn't really feeling sociable so came home.

Slept really well last night, set alarm for 7 and was up by 7.30 so was pleased with that.

Had a productive morning - my car was picked up for its MOT which was a surprise as I thought it was being done tomorrow! - and was generally ok.

got hungry about 11.30 so had toast, then was still hungry at 1 so had my soup for lunch. then was starving at 2.30 so had more toast.

By this point I had pretty much exhausted the supply of nibbles so raided the cupboard and opened a big bag of Halloween Haribo that I had hidden so I didn't guzzle them. I had a few, knowing that the sugar would wipe me out but not able to resist, and sure enough, I haven't got much done and have felt rubbish all afternoon!

Went over to see what was happening with my car as it had re-appeared from the MOT place and then disappeared off the garage forecourt (they are over the road from me, super handy!). It has failed its MOT on 2 minor things. They are OK but a bit fiddly to fix so I am hoping Super Ross the mechanic can manage it quickly so I don't have to pay too much labour. He has suggested leaving it well greased tonight to hope that the broken bit works loose overnight and is easier to replace in the morning. Fingers crossed. I'm sure it is all fine but a few things have gone wrong on it lately and plus the tyres, means I have spent a LOT more than I had planned. So I am starting to worry about needing to replace it. I drive around 20,000 miles a year (less than I used to at least) and with the harp work, need something that is reliable. Something to think about anyway.

I was meant to go to teach my harp pupil but had a text from his mum last night, he is poorly so I was feeling grateful of the extra time. Tonight I was meant to be going to the first of the film society screenings, but was already unsure whether I was brave enough to or really felt like going out. So I took the opportunity and am now staying home tonight. I am about to do a shred and then have some chilli (found in the freezer, result!) and a GnT. I was SOOOO tempted to pop to the supermarket before they put the car to bed for the night, but have resisted.

I have spent the last hour or so totting up my supermarket receipts for the month, a bit geeky but I have recorded what I have spent on all different areas as I wanted to understand where I was overspending. As suspected, my household/cleaning items have been expensive this month but shouldn't need any of these for a while. Plus I have had a big chinese and a naughty pizza/wine/crisps/magazine night.

So overall excluding these, i have spent £67 on food which is pretty good I think, as I shop at Waitrose and Sainsburys. Admittedly this is probably a bit lighter than normal as I had a lot in the freezer. I cook properly, don't normally buy ready meals apart from the odd (and getting less!) pizza and of course this month's chinese!

But I also have to feed the dog within my allowed £100 supermarket budget so I do need to be careful.

I am going to try Aldi this month as ours has just started opening later so will mean i can go on the way home from work, rather than squeezing into the car park at the weekend which I hate doing. I will do some meal planning next week I think, I have a hectic weekend coming up so it will need to hang on. I have just about enough in for a couple of nights but may need to do a quick 'tide me over' shop.

I also MUST come up with some ideas for sensible nibbles I can have for my work from home days. I normally have soup in the middle of the day which is fine, but I do get quite hungry through the day, some of which is boredom/loneliness related. I am as happy on savoury as on sweet, but struggle to find a balance between something substantial to fill me up, and something that won't leave me sleepy! I like oatcakes and waitrose's reduced fat houmous is really nice, but also would like something else too. Will get thinking cap on

ramble over, I'm off to get some tea as I won't manage a shred while I am this hungry!

Souk08

H lovey, why don't you have boiled eggs and brown toast in the morning, or an omelette. The protein should keep you full til lunchtime. Also nuts are good if you just have a small handful.

Re the going to the cinema alone, for me: I am single, always really have been and always will be so I fully expect to have to do some things alone. It's only when you're feeling that being on your own is not your usual state that you sometimes panic about having to do stuff alone IYSWIM. If you can get to 'I am single at the moment' and use that to do stuff you really want to do then that is a different place altogether and one where I hope you will be very happy! HTH X

little_h_2

thanks for the suggestions Souk, sadly I don't like eggs otherwise they would be great things to eat (omelette in the morning though? is there time for cooking that?!) as you are right, the protein is a good thing. I am fine with nuts but find it hard to stop eating them!

I normally have a bowl of muesli which keeps me going til about 10.30/11 then have a couple of nairns ginger or fruit/spice oatcakes which then gets me through til lunchtime then more oatcakes in the afternoon. fine when i'm in the office but ran out this week at home and feel bored of them when I am at home for some reason!

work from home days were reasonably successful and had a good bonding day in the office today. not much was done as boss wasn't in and all the computers were down this afternoon. we had a longish lunch break in Prezzos and then did non pooter stuff to pass the afternoon. I helped a colleague out with some techy accountancy stuff which she was struggling with so it was nice to help and we have come up with an idea to help us both learn more about what each other does.

it's quite funny, we are both quite quiet at work and sit in opposite corners so don't have much to do with each other, but we are a similar age and level with our accountancy stuff so really we should make more of an effort (plus we are both single which is practically unheard of in my social circle!). So we have created the After School Stock Club for learning about how the stock accounting works in our place. we are very sad, I know. but it's quite interesting in a geeky way and staying behind a little bit means we can have a giggle and focus our minds - if we are doing extra time then we will want to make it quick!

popped to my harp pupil's house on the way home as i had left my tuner at his after his last lesson. was a bit surprised to see his dad at the door rather than mum as dad works away a lot. their grandad (mum's dad) had an awful accident today, he fell off a ladder and has a serious neck and head injury - air ambulance job and everything. no brain damage but some neck fractures and broken shoulder, he is comfortable but there will be some tricky weeks to come while they work out what is going on. just serves to remind that life can change so quickly, and makes my troubles seem so small. saw his mum just as i was leaving and had a chat and offered my support.

I got home and rang my mum and dad just to say hello, needed to talk about what had happened even though it's not my family that's affected. My mum's sister was killed in an awful road accident years back, and we all think back to the awful awful afternoon of trying to get hold of mum who had gone shopping - it was just around the time mobiles were becoming available (and less brick like!) but were still quite expensive. They are such a lovely family, 3 gorgeous kids and assorted pets (didn't get to smuggle the pup out again as a neighbour had taken them for their walk) and while no-one deserves bad things such as that, it is so sad and I am thinking of them lots.

Had some tea and was going to crack open the gin (did supermarket run tonight) but decided as I was mostly just plain thirsty, I would start on the flatter tonic in the fridge to finish it off. So have had 2 glasses of T no G and that's fine, not feeling the need for G at all now!

So I have done some practice and some preparation for tomorrow.
plus got some hair stuff to go with my harp dress for sunday - borrowed from work. It's lovely stuff, maybe a bit to OTT but will have a try on session in the morning. I needed some makeup to go with the dress too, had most things I needed but it's a colour I don't wear a lot of and just wanted a hint of purple around my eyes. Went to pay in Boots and had enough points on my card to pay for the eyeshadow so that was a result! Hopefully I will get lots of use out of it.

So. Off to bed in a bit and then it will be up early for some more practice and the big hair dye operation, then get the harp packed up and off for my rehearsal before tomorrow's concert. I have calmed right down about it now, done lots of practice and listening to the pieces we are playing, and feel so much more ready. I am almost looking forward to it! :eek: Last night I decided a change of approach was required, so decided to choose a better attitude (Choose Your Attitude was one of our work mantras a couple of years back!) and it seems to be working.

Lastly - I have been asked to do some teaching on a course in October! very exciting, more new skills to add to my list (strings to add to my bow? harp? hehe) and my accommodation will be covered too. Fantastic! All the lovely things that have happened to me, and best stand-out moments, over the last year have been harp-related. I am so happy to have found the balance in my life with this at long last. It has taken years (including almost 10 years of not playing at all!) to get here.

Night all, happy weekend :j
xxx

Wordsmith

How upsetting, about your pupil's grandad. I do hope he's OK.

I hope the concert goes well (went well, by the time you read this) and that you enjoyed it.

Good news on the teaching in October. And it's great you will be going away to do it. It's all confidence boosting.

Souk08

Hi love, I make time for brekkie! I'm not one of these hectic flappy types in the morning. I like to get up and cook and potter.

Sorry to hear about your pupils grandad and nice to see you sounding so positive X