little_h's big dreams :)

Souk08

Little H, you are generally on the up and while things will shake you, you are right in saying that they wont bring you down anymore. Your positivity is shining through. It must be hard to hear news like that X

choogirl

Hi little_h

I'm sorry that you've had a knock with your ex hubby it must be hard for you but you are doing so well.

I wouldn't have been able to resist smuggling the puppy home either although I am more of a cat lover I am coming round to the idea of having a dog at some point. Cats are so aloof and love you on their terms but dogs are real companions.

Have you got any loyalty points that you could use for a treat? I like to use my advantage points whenever I feel the need for a treat and it doesn't cost me anything. Whenever I feel like blowing a load of cash I visualise myself back on that awful day in September when I had my LBM and that always stops me spending.

Take care xx

little_h_2

thanks everyone.

Thank you satchmo1, I thought about what you posted a lot today. I think my mum was sad too when I told her, she said how excited my ex-MIL would be to have her first grandchild and I hadn't really thought about that. I love my ex-MIL to bits - rare I know but she is/was a very special person in my life - so will try to focus on how pleased I feel for her. My mum has 2 grandchildren (my brother's two kids) but I know she is would love for me to have some as it will feel different being her daughter rather than daughter-in-law. (not in a pressured way though, but i know she would be sky high if I suddenly announced I was expecting!)

choogirl, I am almost up to £5 on my Boots points so a little bit to go, although I have seen a nice No7 compact I would quite like and that's £10. So might save my points towards that. I have always admired cats, but being emotionally needy I have always tended towards dogs instead - they are all about instant gratification and I love that! :rotfl:

I am having another wee wallow tonight, we did stuff for chinese new year at Brownies tonight (which they absolutely adored, to the point where they didn't want to go home!) and so I was full of the joys and ended up in waitrose buying a big stack of chinese nibbles. I have wine too.

I woke up this morning feeling refreshed and awake even despite the wine and GnT last night, so hopefully if I get an early night again tonight I can have that again tomorrow morning (the awakeness, not the alcohol). I am SO looking forward to the weekend. Nothing major planned but it will nice to have no fixed demands on my time so I can relax and have a bit of space to mull things over. Plus I have the dog until Sunday evening! :T

Wordsmith

It's hard, Little_h. I was in the same situation as you - ex-hubby remarried and had babies, and I adored his mother and stayed friends with her until she died - still gives me pain when I think about it now. It does get better though, although little things still happen to bring the hurt back - I wasn't invited to ex-hubby's father's (who I also adore) 80th birthday party in case it upset the eldest granddaughter, who apparently is very sensitive (although she doesn't know me and didn't have to know that I was Daddy's first wife). The party was two weeks after my Mum died, so I was feeling ultra sensitive myself. Sorry, I started this in the hope of making you feel better, not as a whinge about my situation. What I meant to say is that it does get better, it truly does. And you sound a lot more sensible about your feelings than I ever was, so don't worry about the odd wobble - you wouldn't be human if you didn't have wobbles. What matters is how you deal with them, and you seem very aware of your feelings and how to handle them ... like focusing on the joy it will give your MIL. That is so lovely.

I am following your diary and am in awe about how you approach your life and think things through. You seem very well balanced.

Enjoy having your dog for the weekend. Where would we be without our hounds?

little_h_2

thanks Wordsmith. That must have hurt, about the party. My ex hubby had a massive family, very far flung but they are close. My family is tiny and far flung but not so good at keeping in touch - I am the person that feels this the most so make the effort. I always wanted a big family so really felt the loss of this when we split up. I used to/still do refer to them as the Scottish !!!!! as there were so many of them (although only his mum's side were Scottish!)

I am cross with the ex hubby. I told him last week that the dog was running out of some of his arthritis medication so please could he get some more and I would split the cost with him. He works full time but his partner is part time so they would have been able to get it from the vets no problem. I picked the dog up on Wednesday night and still no medication so the poor dog was in agony. I rang the vets and got the meds yesterday and fortunately he has improved quickly.

But I am so angry - this is about him being tight and not wanting to pay out for it. I have been round before and the poor dog has only had dried food because they have 'run out' of tinned food. He is meant to have a bit of both to encourage him to eat as he is a bit more funny about his food these days - we had to change his diet becuase of his age and I don't think he is mad about the new food but it is good for his guts and he has the softest, glossiest, bushiest coat I have ever seen on a greyhound - he has a bushy mane like a lion, it's very funny! The supermarket is 5 mins walk away, how difficult is it to make sure the dog has the right food? He is old, not got long left and I think he should have a happy life.

I am going to suggest he comes back to me when the baby is born, the house will be chaos and they will have other priorities.

Anyway. Today. not a good day so far. very tearful again. I was meant to be doing a rehearsal for an orchestra concert next weekend. Orchestral stuff mostly terrifies me (had some very bad experiences in the past). I keep saying I should re-think whether I agree to do them, but if it's music I know and love, then I do enjoy them.

I got 10 mins down the road, started to panic and turned round and came home. I wouldn't normally be expected to come to this rehearsal, just the one on the afternoon of the concert, so I wouldn't have been missed, I was going to help myself get used to the music a bit more. (I would have stuck it out otherwise)

So I think today, I will take it steady and just potter. My house is a tip so need to get it licked into shape. Feng shui has led to some interesting ideas. Dad has started on the downstairs bathroom and I have had some ideas to change this round too - all reasonably cheap.

ex fiance has been here a couple of days and I have enjoyed his company. He has got a new job (found out Friday) so we celebrated last night with pizza and Pete Postlethwaite DVDs

the diet is a bit broken with all the pizza and chinese this week, but again I am less worried about this than I was, and it will come when it comes. The only reason I was so determined originally was becuase I wanted to get back in my work/thin jeans. However I managed to find some in Matalan yesterday that fit REALLY well. They cost £10 and I had a voucher for 20% off! I didn't really want to buy fat jeans, but already I feel better as my available working wardrobe has trebled just with a pair of jeans :eek:

Other news - I have had an email from my harp teacher about a harp course in Italy in July :eek: :j It's 10 days long and is extremely reasonably priced. It's in a beautiful convent in the hills, looks amazing. I can fly Ryanair to Turin for not much money. Other than that I will just need to buy food which shouldn't cost too much. I am very, very excited. I have always wanted to go to Italy and now I have the perfect excuse. I had wanted to do a retreat last year for spiritual growth (sorry that sounds so cheesy!) and this place would be perfect for that too. I am going to email harp buddy too as I think she would love to come as well. Cost for tuition and accommodation will be about 600 euros which is pretty good for 10 days. I paid about this for 3 days in Rotterdam in September!

So. Today I think there will be a few tears but I have been sitting on these since I got the news about the new baby, so they need to come out. But I am at home, and I love my house, and I am staying here. I was supposed to sort through my old photos but will see how I feel later.

hypno06

Italy sounds fab - and perfect timing too!

As for the emotion - let it happen. Embrace it as a positive thing right now, because if you work too hard at bottling it up or trying to ignore it, it will resurface at a later date as a far more negative experience.

little_h_2

thanks hypno. Normally I can go with it but am feeling like I am holding back at the moment and really need to let it go. That feeling where you think if you start you will never stop

but it is really nice to have an unexpected day with no plans.

Wordsmith

Italy trip sounds wonderful - just what you need. Don't talk yourself out of it!

Could you suggest taking the dog now?

How do you think it is affecting you, having your ex stay with you?

beanielou

Italy sounds like just the thing.
Take care.

Shoe_Gal

I was going to suggest the same thing about the dog - it could be the best for all concerned, especially the dog