little_h's big dreams :)

little_h_2

evening all pay day at last! :j

started the week off by giving my boss a lift to work this morning as she had car dramas on Friday. she appreciated and I always like to help where I can (not in a sucky up way though, she is really nice so I would help even if she wasn't my boss!)

had a busy day and did some good stuff at work although a few bombshells were dropped too. not involving me but not nice all the same.

Black Swan was amazing! I absolutely loved it, as did my mum. we were both totally engrossed. both being musical and having put ourselves under immense perfection in the hunt for total perfection over the years, we had an understanding of what can happen when things start going over the edge! And as someone who finds it hard to really let go and embrace the bad girl/dark side, I could relate to that bit too. I love films that teach you something about yourself or make you think about your life in some way.

ex had to cancel as he got his times wrong but that was fine. He came over to mine yesterday instead. He was on his very best behaviour. I told him I was happy with my life as it was and was very protective of that, so I wasn't looking to make any changes on the relationship front. He seemed to understand, and I made it clear that he was under no obligation to 'wait' or anything like that. He is being nice but truth be told, I will wait to see how long it will last especially if we have an argument as that is when the nasty side comes out.

Tonight I have had pizza for tea. I have christened it Payday Pizza. I have spent all my food budget for this month, so pizza and wine have come out of my proper spends - paid with debit card and everything!

I also withdrew £50 which is my spends for the rest of the month. I am not used to having that much cash in my wallet, being very much a card girl. Out of my £100, I have already put £24 for my haircut on my card so will pay that off, plus spent £13 in the supermarket. I will be knuckling down to my SOA this week and sorting out my year's cashflow so I can pick up all the tax/MOT/insurance etc and ensure these are covered.

I am waiting for a First Direct credit card to come through, with a 0% balance transfer for 15 months. This will enable me to transfer my Mint balance and also the cost of the heating oil and the unexpected stuff from the back end of this year.

From the harp money that will come in over the next couple of months, I thought carefully and have decided to use this to reduce my overdraft back to the £250 interest free level. This will reduce my debt and also give me back an emergency cash buffer - not ideal but I hope not to use it unless it is a house or car or pet related emergency.

I need to make a list of things to do in the house too - my dad is going to finish the skirting board in the upstairs bathroom and also take the old shower out of the downstairs bathroom, plus the sink out of the loo, so that I can get on and start prepping the walls for redecoration. This is part of the plan to make some nice space for a lodger. I have a bit of damp to address before I can make my new living room but hopefully this won't cost too much. I have a fair idea of what's causing it but do need to get it checked out properly. Then I think it will be a bit of electrical upgrading and new sockets.

I also need to make a plan for the garden.

A busy year ahead I know, but I am looking forward to it so much Just going to pay off this month's credit card chunk and then won't be far off going to bed. I am always quite perky on a Monday but a bit of wine (it won't be half a bottle tonight that's for sure!) and a lot of thinking has well and truly finished me off!

night night x

Shoe_Gal

Lovely to hear you sounding positive about everything :A

hypno06

Absolutely - January seems to have been a good one for you xx

little_h_2

evening had a busy busy day, but quite enjoyed it too. I'm working on some really interesting (in a geeky way) stuff at the moment, it's a little different to what I normally do and will add to my workload but that's ok.

I normally work from home on Wednesday but was asked to come in for a meeting instead, to do with some of the new stuff I have been working on. It's good from a work point of view, but had meant I have had to put off having the dog until tomorrow night so I will race home to teach my harp pupil after work and then go and collect the pooch.

Hopefully I will be able to make up my work from home day on Friday instead :j which will mean a welcome let-off from the Friday night traffic home!

So, I got home, did a shred, had some tea (left over lasagne from the weekend), had a glass of wine (but this week's bottle will have lasted 3 whole nights :T) and just rang up to sort out the balance transfers on my cards.

Overall debt position is now depressing as I worked out what the additional balance transfer would have to be, and combined with a little falling off the wagon over christmas, it was a bit higher than it should have been. But, the good news is that I will have caught most of this up and cleared it off over the coming few months, in addition to clearing the planned amounts off. This is why it's so important for me to get on with the SOA.

I have also started a spending diary for the year which has been very illuminating. For some reason, all my smellies have run out at once, plus i need new heads for my electric toothbrush :mad: but hopefully after this I won't need anything for a while.

The good thing is that I have been within budget since the new year. Hopefully this will last.

I sent off a cheque to join my local film society tonight - a year's membership for £25 which is one film per month - a bargain. I only recognised one film title on the programme, but I like offbeat/unusual films so am looking forward to the year. This will be the same week as bike night in the pub (also once a month), so all will be a bit hectic that week, but it will mean I will appreciate my quiet weeks. Typical of me, I am often feast or famine on the social life front! :rotfl:

I have a week off at the end of Feb/beginning of March so need to make some plans for that. I need to get my harp serviced and am hoping to go and see my granny up north, but other than that, not much is on the list, and while this is nice in some ways, I don't want to waste the week sitting on the internet, which is what will happen if I don't plan a few things at least! I have a couple of things to do in the house, and will hopefully get some garden stuff done too. Plus I will have the dog all week :j as my ex hubby will be on his honeymoon.

I can't believe where the week has gone already, and also that February is here.

little_h_2

evening all,

well a bit of a smack in the face x 2!

on the positive, I had a good day at work, had to go into the office for a meeting which turned out to be really interesting (and spent it having rude thoughts about someone in the meeting ummmm! nothing serious but an amusing way to pass the time!) but as a plus, I will be home tomorrow and Friday, so will be able to take the dog to my harp lesson on Friday evening

also, I rang up to arrange to get my harp serviced the week I am off work, and this will be free of charge as although its second hand, the harp I bought hadn't been played for a little while so will have settled down and the mechanism will now be needing a little tweak :T

also, rang the estate agents to take the house off the market.

also, taught my harp pupil tonight and he is doing amazing things! I had him make up a piece and it was incredible! very sophisticated in places and really very impressive! we are going to record it next week and send in to his school, so he is over the moon.

also, on the way to my harp pupil's house, I drove through a bit of Essex I haven't been through in ages. It was very pretty and the road is lovely! Need to get out on my bike!

also (ah now there are lots of positives, I feel much better!) - I opened the curtains to find a very foggy morning this morning. My bedroom faces east so I get some beautiful sunrises. This morning, the sunrise had created a slightly pink glow to the fog, I had to look several times as I thought I was either in a nightclub or another dimension! seriously, it was stunning and I have never seen anything quite like it. I am looking forward to the sunsets over the creek in the summer.

so...the bad. Balance transfer from First Direct to John Lewis card won't go through as they are part of the same group. I am cross that I forgot about this, but also cross that they didn't pick it up when I rang them to arrange it last night. I will just about be ok over the next month or two but am still cross - the first even slight error they have made in almost 3 years with them.

and the badder. which is good really and nice in lots of ways, but is just a little difficult to deal with emotionally. My ex hubby and his partner are expecting a baby. I joked that that was normally saved for the honeymoon but offered my congratulations and best wishes but it was like a knife through the heart. It has hit harder than them getting married. I am thinking about it rationally (or trying to) and will be OK, it won't bring me down from where I am now but it has given me a good old shaking shall we say.

and a couple of things with a little psychic flavour have happened again recently. Just mainly thinking about people/them texting 2 mins later kind of things, but it hasn't happened in a long time, and today's was someone who is very much in the past, so a part of me is wondering whether now my mind is a bit calmer, I am more receptive to this side of me. It runs in my mum's side of the family and she has always seen it as a bad/scary thing. I am more curious but wouldn't know where to begin to explore it.

Realised today that out of my £50 for the rest of the month, a significant chunk of this will go out to pay for my counselling. I feel the need to buy something nice to cheer myself up but it will need to be something super cheap or free. back again to non-financial rewards....

Also on the plus, my harp pupil has a new puppy and I really felt a yearning to have another dog of my own to live here all the time. She is tiny and only arrived yesterday (and was being clutched in the arms of a 3 year old, poor thing!). I pointed out that said puppy was just the right size to smuggle out in my handbag not my normal breed of choice but she was so tiny and cute, i almost couldn't resist! And now with the news about my ex, I am wondering even more about getting another dog. The normal push/pull of working long hours and the financial cost of a dog sitter. I'm not in a rush but will think about it.

My counsellor is a very doggy person and understands the effect of having to leave my dog behind when I split from my ex hubby. I am seeing her on Monday so will have a chat with her about it then.

oh this has all been rather rambling this evening! hope everyone is well. x

hypno06

What strikes me as obvious (and very healthy) is that you are recognising the changes, and the effects they have, or can potentially have on you. As a result, you are able to think in a more constructive and positive sort of way, and in a way that is more genuine for you.

I hope I am doing the same thing, it certainly feels that way, and if you are making the same changes on all levels that I have been experiencing, I am sure good things lay ahead for us both

LittleBoots

Aww what a day of ups and downs, your post does overall come across as quite positive though! :EasterBun ---> sorry was looking for a hug smiley and this one made me smile!

The cinema club sounds good, and a bargain too!

I'm not sure what to say about the ex hubby although I guess it would be abnormal if you didnt have any feelings about it. You know you will cope though and thats the main thing xxx

little_h_2

thanks both, I think you're right.

The only way to describe the ex hubby/baby thing it is that i feel like the building has been shaken but the foundations are still strong - sounds hideously cliched but hopefully makes sense! and I wouldn't have felt so able to cope with it a few months ago.

counselling has encouraged me to be really deeply honest (genuine as you say hypno) about things and about what I want. and to be able to be honest, this has required some strength/toughening up as she calls it! there are all sorts of reasons for needing this which I won;t go into on here!

I do need to be super careful and summon every bit of strength in my body though, as the desire to place a deposit on a stupidly fast motorbike that i can't afford is very very strong right now. This used to be a time of the month thing so I knew to look at the calendar before I handed over my credit card, but now I am on a different pill and don't have a time of the month any more so this is no excuse any more! :rotfl:

I am planning to take my dad's bike (mine on long term loan) out for a spin on Saturday and feel the wind in my hair for a bit. Must avoid bike shop, must avoid bike shop! :mad:

little_h_2

oh and LittleBoots, thank you for the bunny smiley! that always makes me giggle really hard! :rotfl:

I am not that much into chocolate lately, but have to confess that i have had another pizza tonight (from the freezer), plus the last of the wine AND a large G&T

thank heavens for working from home tomorrow!

satchmo1

Hi Little_H

Anecdotal evidence suggests that even when on the pill the "time of the month" erraticness (is that a word) happens! Step away from the bike shop

Emotions have a way of flooring us sometimes, don't they. When my son rang to say that I was going to be a Grandma, I was sooo happy, but then (not when I was on the phone) I burst into shuddering sobs because I felt I should have been sharing the joy with my ex-Husband, hmmm.
Hugs for you. However, you are doing sooo well.