Sallyx's Sink or Swim, Swimerdy Swim Diary ;)

postingalwaysposting

Sally, sorry to echo everyone else but please think seriously about the CSA. This isn't money that he can chosse to pay, he must pay it. He decided those years ago to conceive with you, just because you are now split doesn't mean his responsibilities to Bea change. I would get the ball rolling before its month's and month's down the line and he owes you a lot more than £1.5k

sallyx

Right I'll get onto csa asap will at least get the wheels in motion.

Had a fab night, got back from college interview early and r and I managed to get a 4 mile run in and then we went to pick b up from school..... Ooo I shall be the school gossip today lol. I think r has made a father figure for b when we got in they went off and were doing cutting and making stuff. Then she insisted that she took her socks off so she could be like r and wander barefoot made me pmsl...

As I sat down after we had supper together I thought this really is how family life should be, what I always dreamed of and never had with ex.

Am in a slight quandry about college and teacher training, I need to sit down and weigh up all the options but it is going to be pretty life changing for all of us and a huge commitment.

That aside Life is pretty dam good or rather fantastic at the moment

hypno06

When OH left me, we worked out on the CSA website what amount he would be expected to pay, based on his wages. I gave him the choice of either voluntarily making that payment by standing order directly into my bank on the 1st month, or by going through the CSA who would take it directly from his wages.

He chose to do the standing order, and I pointed out that the day he misses the payment, is the day I stop being amicable in this whole split, and I will be straight on to the CSA.

Needless to say, he moved out on 31st January - the first maintenance payment was in my bank account on 1st Feb.....

Def get on to CSA. My OH has little responsibility now - the least he can do is make the minimum payment. Thankfully he plays ball, but if he didn't, I wouldn't be hanging about in my next course of action.

sallyx

Thanks Hypno...my trouble is that I know he doesn't have any money, but then on the otherhand neither do I and Im expected to live on nothing! I will send him a mail with the amount the CSA say (which he knows already) and ask him to give me Junes payment once he's been paid, the rest he can clear once he has had his bike money. I can't survive without it so he's going to have to cough up

Shoe_Gal

Sally - don't let him wriggle out of it :mad: This is for Bea - it's her due!

sallyx

Thanks SG, you are right. I spoke to him tonight, first time for a week! He's due his insurance money by friday so hopefully he will pay up then!

hypno06

sallyx wrote: »

Thanks Hypno...my trouble is that I know he doesn't have any money, but then on the otherhand neither do I and Im expected to live on nothing! I will send him a mail with the amount the CSA say (which he knows already) and ask him to give me Junes payment once he's been paid, the rest he can clear once he has had his bike money. I can't survive without it so he's going to have to cough up

If he is earning, then he has money. My OH left without a penny to his name. OK, he left me the debt, so he doesn't owe anything, but there was nothing in his current account, no savings, no pension provision, no car nada.....

But he knows that out of his (small) salary, he has to pay some towards his children......yes, he also has to find his rent, his bills and his food, but he just has to manage. Just like I do.

so, your ex - as long as he is earning - is in a position to pay a contribution towards his child. He won't be expected to pay an amount out of proportion to his earnings, but he will be expected to pay what is FAIR!

Shoe_Gal

sallyx wrote: »

Thanks SG, you are right. I spoke to him tonight, first time for a week! He's due his insurance money by friday so hopefully he will pay up then!

Hope I didn't sound harsh? You are amazing the way you take care of Bea and put her needs first - and it makes me so :mad: when ex OH seems to be ducking out, emotionally and/or financially!

And - well said Hypno :T

Buffythedebtslayer

Sorry Sal hope you don't think I was too harsh(far more harsh than Shoe gal!), its just makes me angry for you and B. glad you are enjoying yourself with R

xxxx

sallyx

No I don't think any of you are being too harsh! I think hes a selfish git tbh, he says he hasn't got any money to live on but hasn't even considered that I haven't and that I might not be able to feed his/our daughter. He always puts his needs first, always has, always will. Glad Im out of that! I will give him until beg of next week and If no money materialises then i shall be off to CSA...he will have had his warning!

R on the other hand sent me a text today to say I insist on buying you dinner tomorrow night and I know just the place *sigh* romance isn't dead after all