am i being "mardy" ?

poet123

aliasojo wrote: »

To be fair, the OP hasn't stated she is homophobic in any way, but that hasn't stopped people from throwing that into the equation too. It seems that unless you specifically cover every possible aspect that might relate to the topic, then assumption will creep in somewhere.

People can't just reply based on what was said, they also have to read between the lines and that's where the problem comes in, imo. As was said earlier by Bestpud, it's all down to people's interpretations.

I agree, that is what I was saying, but that is life, people will draw their own conclusions, especially on a forum. It is to be expected. My main point was that some people do that (draw their own conclusions) but cannot see others are doing the same, and that neither of them know if they are correct, it is all supposition.

mountainofdebt

OP

As a matter of interest what does your daughter call your friends? Aunty X, X or Mrs Bloggs?

When I was growing up all friends of my parents were known as Aunty X, whereas my son (17) calls my sister by her name - which irrates the hell out of her as she believes she should be called Aunty X and calls all our friends by their name.

paddy's_mum

mommyme - I'm sorry if anything at all that I said may have added to your being misunderstood.

I wish I still had a dear little two year old girl at home to fret over, party for, and adore - my three are all grown up now and have homes, husbands and children of their own ..

or maybe not, when I listen to my two grandsons whooping it up round the lounge!

Happy New Year to you.

bestpud

mommyme wrote: »

wow arent we all jumping on the pc band wagon a little to early with presumptions lol

Firstly - i have never, and will never, be homophobic. Not one of my posts suggest otherwise - The idea that i am homophobic has come from YOUR opinions - so not very judgemental at all are we people?

Secondly - i never BANNED OH's sis and her partner to DD's party. I asked if they would come BEFORE the party so we could meet the new girlfriend - THEY refused to attend either before the party, or the actual party (and never told us either so we was sat waiting on them on the day of the party and delayed things until as late as possible until we knew for sure they wasnt on their way.)

I have a large family so to have people who are not related being called "aunty/uncle" is strange for me. As mentioned - i DONT even like it when my friends call me "aunty" to their kids.

People are presuming OH's sis is married - she isnt. Had you of read the posts before you will have seen that she keeps changing partners regulary and doesnt seem to settle.

Yes DD is 2 now and doesnt realise it . . . YET. I dont want to have to explain why all these people keep disappearing out of her life. I dont want her to think it is ok to just chuck someone the minute there is a "problem" which is exactly what OH's sis does - The last break up was because her ex didnt buy her much for her birthday. 3 days later she was with her current partner.

Why should WE have to be more tolerant to OH's sis when clearly she doesnt care about any one else (as mentioned i HAVENT put everything on here because - again - its one sided and isnt fair)

and bestpud (sorry to pick you out firstly) but i havent contradicted myself. I said we asked them to attend BEFORE the party so that WE (me and OH) could meet the new partner - nothing to do with my DD meeting them.

We normally go to OH's parents on boxing day but this year we havent (i dont know why, i asked OH if we was going and he said no so i have left it at that)

Im not sure if i have forgotten to reply to anything? so sorry if you think im ignoring you but there was a LOT of responses to this.

I still stand by my first thought in that they shouldnt be introduced as family members but more as friends so thank you for that anyway

I'm a bit confused!

So what were you going to say to them before the party? Were you going to usher dd out of the way while you made it clear what you think would be acceptable for them to do at the party?

Are you saying she is not welcome around your dd while she changes partners so frequently, or that she is only welcome if she introduces them as friends?

If the latter, there surely has to be a reasonable way of explaining that to her? My ex hates it when my mum calls non-relatives aunty or uncle so and so, and he made that clear to her and she no longer does it - it's quite simple really.

Likewise my sister hates it when my children don't call her aunty and so we do to keep her happy. She has remarried since we had our youngest and he is called uncle too, and that makes sense to me.

You cannot shelter your dd from people who have frequent partners and it can be a good way of explaining about commitment.

The other part is just about communication and you are all as bad as each other for that.


Paddysmum - because I disagree with your post about pole dancers and lesbians (and I stand by that - I find it unacceptable and I stated quite clearly it should not be on mse in my opinion) does not mean I am saying you should not post in mse. I have never yet borne a grudge with another poster because I disagree with a point on one topic. It's not about you but the comments you made so don't turn it into something it is not please.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

pipkin71 wrote: »

Personally, I would have welcomed them to the party, but again, it was your decision.

We did welcome them to the party - but asked if they would come over before hand so we could say hi etc but they refused - wasnt us stomping saying"no"

mountainofdebt wrote: »

OP

As a matter of interest what does your daughter call your friends? Aunty X, X or Mrs Bloggs?

She calls them by their first names (no aunty / title) - i dont believe in one rule for one and another for others.

paddy's_mum wrote: »

mommyme - I'm sorry if anything at all that I said may have added to your being misunderstood.

I wish I still had a dear little two year old girl at home to fret over, party for, and adore - my three are all grown up now and have homes, husbands and children of their own ..

or maybe not, when I listen to my two grandsons whooping it up round the lounge!

Happy New Year to you.

dont be silly! x people always assume things and i expected that anyway (which to begin with is why i put in the first post that it had nothing to do with her sexuality but obviously that one back fired on me lol) You didnt do anything to cause me being misunderstood - the pc bandwagon did that one and people not reading full posts but rather scan reading

Happy new year to you too x

bestpud

mommyme wrote: »

We did welcome them to the party - but asked if they would come over before hand so we could say hi etc but they refused - wasnt us stomping saying"no"



She calls them by their first names (no aunty / title) - i dont believe in one rule for one and another for others.



dont be silly! x people always assume things and i expected that anyway (which to begin with is why i put in the first post that it had nothing to do with her sexuality but obviously that one back fired on me lol) You didnt do anything to cause me being misunderstood - the pc bandwagon did that one and people not reading full posts but rather scan reading

Happy new year to you too x

It is not pc to say I disagree with a comment - it is stating my opinion. Too many people use the word pc to mean something very different from it's true meaning. If I was truly being pc, I'd have reported the post but I didn't see the need as I am aware it is my opinion and said as much.

And I can assure you I do not, and did not, simply scan the posts. They have all been read fully by me.

Good grief, it is possible to fully read someone's opinion and still disagree with them you know! :rolleyes:

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

Bestpud - I wasn't refering to you as the pc - there was other comments from people who clearly hadn't. Read the whole post. And the idea of meeting the girl before the party was so that we could of had a chat without the kids running riot and then it wouldn't be so scary for her when she met the other 40 members of family that was her (she had only met 3 people up until that point) you seem to be intent on twisting this into me being a nasty person and wanting to throw them out at the first opportunity - that is not the case. Oh and me have done a lot for hgis sister when her parents threw her out for her sexuality. We was the only ones who stood by and stuck up for her, the rest of his family was nasty to her. They have a short term memory. I'm fine with you disagreeing with my opnions, but don't turn them into something they aren't.

pipkin71

mommyme wrote: »

We did welcome them to the party - but asked if they would come over before hand so we could say hi etc but they refused - wasnt us stomping saying"no"

I didn't realise the you seeing them before, was on the same day of the party, just before it started.

Your first post read as them wanting to come to the party so she could introduce partner, and you saying no.

Sorry for that. It just read differently when I posted.

bestpud

mommyme wrote: »

Bestpud - I wasn't refering to you as the pc - there was other comments from people who clearly hadn't. Read the whole post. And the idea of meeting the girl before the party was so that we could of had a chat without the kids running riot and then it wouldn't be so scary for her when she met the other 40 members of family that was her (she had only met 3 people up until that point) you seem to be intent on twisting this into me being a nasty person and wanting to throw them out at the first opportunity - that is not the case. Oh and me have done a lot for hgis sister when her parents threw her out for her sexuality. We was the only ones who stood by and stuck up for her, the rest of his family was nasty to her. They have a short term memory. I'm fine with you disagreeing with my opnions, but don't turn them into something they aren't.

I have to say it didn't come across like that at all but hopefully you have gained something from this thread, despite the differing interpretations.

If you've had a reasonable relationship with her before, maybe they will take it on board if you have a chat about the aunty bit? How about asking them out for a meal/drink and clearing the air?

It seems the lack of understanding on this thread is happening in RL within your family too...

Curious_George_2

Dippychick wrote: »

If that were the case, why did we need to know what sex the partners were?

She could have mentioned the OHs sisters partners without saying what sex they were

she could have, but why should she have?
what difference does it make?
if you have someone who is gay in the family its perfectly normal to talk about the fact they might have a new boy/girlfriend... just like you would a straight member of the family!
you dont have to whisper it.. or keep it a secret :rolleyes:
you are allowed to talk about them, argue with them even fall out with them and it not be because your a homophobic


as i read the first post i only see the OP saying the sister is coming round with her new girlfriend, she has only been with this lady x amount of time and i dont want her introuduced as family when i know full well she wont be around by new year... she didnt say " my OHs sister is raving stereotypical lemon in dungarees and i dont much like it around my kids"
!!!!!! sake... the sex thing doesnt matter! its a few of you picking up on that and thinking its the cause of any upset NOT the OP