am i being "mardy" ?

poet123

robpw2 wrote: »

:t:t:t:t:t:t

Sorry? what does that mean?

robpw2

poet123 wrote: »

Sorry? what does that mean?

it means clap clap clap but the smilies did not work:T:T

paddy's_mum

Hold on a minute here, please, before people carry on slating me for my "ignorant" and "offensive" views!

The circumstances and opinions that I replied to were the difficulties being experienced by the OP. It is the OP who objects to the lady friend being forced upon her and her friends, and despite saying no, is being emotionally blackmailed into giving in. Since when is it a sister-in-law's right to dictate the who, what and when of someone else's arrangements? Since when is it okay to ride roughshod over someone else's feelings - however prejudiced you might think they are - and demand that they bow to your wishes?

My views on homosexuality don't come into it. It was the OP who brought that fact into the equation and it is, in my opinion, absolutely her right to say if she doesn't like the idea or want to run any risk of offending the sensibilities of others who may be attending. Despite what lobbyists will tell you about anything goes, many people dislike the whole homosexuality and same sex marriage thing - that's why it's still a contentious issue. ETA Along with abortion, fox-hunting, hanging, cohabitation, contraception, polygamy ..

If certain things offend certain people, why force them to share space - and my opinion would be exactly the same if the OP's sister in law was insisting that, against the OP's wishes, her latest boyfriend ("uncle"?) was going to attend. Take the sexual orientation out of the equation and the sister in law's arrogance and selfishness is breathtaking. I believe the issue is not about sexuality at all but everything to do with blackmail and control.

I've tried to put this post in a non-contentious style that will get to the heart of what I perceive as the issue (which is not the lesbian relationship) without using words likely to antagonise. If that makes me a person who "should not be allowed on these boards", I can only say that I'm pleased people's lives have been so sheltered that I'm the worst they've ever met!

robpw2

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Hold on a minute here, please, before people carry on slating me for my "ignorant" and "offensive" views!

The circumstances and opinions that I replied to were the difficulties being experienced by the OP. It is the OP who objects to the lady friend being forced upon her and her friends, and despite saying no, is being emotionally blackmailed into giving in. Since when is it a sister-in-law's right to dictate the who, what and when of someone else's arrangements? Since when is it okay to ride roughshod over someone else's feelings - however prejudiced you might think they are - and demand that they bow to your wishes?

My views on homosexuality don't come into it. It was the OP who brought that fact into the equation and it is, in my opinion, absolutely her right to say if she doesn't like the idea or want to run any risk of offending the sensibilities of others who may be attending. Despite what lobbyists will tell you about anything goes, many people dislike the whole homosexuality and same sex marriage thing - that's why it's still a contentious issue. ETA Along with abortion, fox-hunting, hanging, cohabitation, contraception, polygamy ..

If certain things offend certain people, why force them to share space - and my opinion would be exactly the same if the OP's sister in law was insisting that, against the OP's wishes, her latest boyfriend ("uncle"?) was going to attend. Take the sexual orientation out of the equation and the sister in law's arrogance and selfishness is breathtaking. I believe the issue is not about sexuality at all but everything to do with blackmail and control.

I've tried to put this post in a non-contentious style that will get to the heart of what I perceive as the issue (which is not the lesbian relationship) without using words likely to antagonise. If that makes me a person who "should not be allowed on these boards", I can only say that I'm pleased people's lives have been so sheltered that I'm the worst they've ever met!

omg your so offensive :rotfl::rotfl::rotfl:
who told you that you were ignorant or offensive i think what you have written is very fair and i agree with a lot of what you have said !!

*max*

Dear god....no wonder so many people argue at xmas if that's the kind of "issues" they have! lol
We're talking about a woman introducing her partner to her family here, not the unleashing of the forces of Evil! What does it matter how and when she does it?
If the family is having this reaction under those circumstances, they'd have the same reaction no matter how sugar coated the poor lady tried to put it!
The kids won't get attached to someone, anyone, in the space of a couple of months, especially if they hardly ever see them, so the excuse of not wanting to "hurt" them is pretty lame IMO. It's the parents who are making up the issue there, when there shouldn't even be one. A simple "hi, I'm X, nice to meet you, would you like a cup of tea? I'm sorry it's so busy, but you know how it is with kids' parties....etc" would have been more than enough.

How sad....:rolleyes:

DVardysShadow

paddy's_mum wrote: »

Hold on a minute here, please, before people carry on slating me for my "ignorant" and "offensive" views!

The circumstances and opinions that I replied to were the difficulties being experienced by the OP. It is the OP who objects to the lady friend being forced upon her and her friends, and despite saying no, is being emotionally blackmailed into giving in. Since when is it a sister-in-law's right to dictate the who, what and when of someone else's arrangements? Since when is it okay to ride roughshod over someone else's feelings - however prejudiced you might think they are - and demand that they bow to your wishes?

My views on homosexuality don't come into it. It was the OP who brought that fact into the equation and it is, in my opinion, absolutely her right to say if she doesn't like the idea or want to run any risk of offending the sensibilities of others who may be attending....

You are right. But there is a faction on MSE who are a little lacking in comprehension so that if you describe how someone else may be thinking, and they don't like it, they will slate you for having the thoughts you think others might be having.

poet123

Equally, no one actually knows who thinks what unless it is explicitly spelled out, and so until then people will draw their own inferences from what has been written. The OP has not really stated her position on the issue which seems to be causing the most contraversy so all the comments are pure speculation. No one is right or wrong.

Mimi_Arc_en_ciel

wow arent we all jumping on the pc band wagon a little to early with presumptions lol

Firstly - i have never, and will never, be homophobic. Not one of my posts suggest otherwise - The idea that i am homophobic has come from YOUR opinions - so not very judgemental at all are we people?

Secondly - i never BANNED OH's sis and her partner to DD's party. I asked if they would come BEFORE the party so we could meet the new girlfriend - THEY refused to attend either before the party, or the actual party (and never told us either so we was sat waiting on them on the day of the party and delayed things until as late as possible until we knew for sure they wasnt on their way.)

I have a large family so to have people who are not related being called "aunty/uncle" is strange for me. As mentioned - i DONT even like it when my friends call me "aunty" to their kids.

People are presuming OH's sis is married - she isnt. Had you of read the posts before you will have seen that she keeps changing partners regulary and doesnt seem to settle.

Yes DD is 2 now and doesnt realise it . . . YET. I dont want to have to explain why all these people keep disappearing out of her life. I dont want her to think it is ok to just chuck someone the minute there is a "problem" which is exactly what OH's sis does - The last break up was because her ex didnt buy her much for her birthday. 3 days later she was with her current partner.

Why should WE have to be more tolerant to OH's sis when clearly she doesnt care about any one else (as mentioned i HAVENT put everything on here because - again - its one sided and isnt fair)

and bestpud (sorry to pick you out firstly) but i havent contradicted myself. I said we asked them to attend BEFORE the party so that WE (me and OH) could meet the new partner - nothing to do with my DD meeting them.

We normally go to OH's parents on boxing day but this year we havent (i dont know why, i asked OH if we was going and he said no so i have left it at that)

Im not sure if i have forgotten to reply to anything? so sorry if you think im ignoring you but there was a LOT of responses to this.

I still stand by my first thought in that they shouldnt be introduced as family members but more as friends so thank you for that anyway

aliasojo

poet123 wrote: »

The OP has not really stated her position on the issue which seems to be causing the most contraversy so all the comments are pure speculation. No one is right or wrong.

To be fair, the OP hasn't stated she is homophobic in any way, but that hasn't stopped people from throwing that into the equation too. It seems that unless you specifically cover every possible aspect that might relate to the topic, then assumption will creep in somewhere.

People can't just reply based on what was said, they also have to read between the lines and that's where the problem comes in, imo. As was said earlier by Bestpud, it's all down to people's interpretations.

pipkin71

bestpud wrote: »

YI just explained that everyone is different and sometimes it's about accepting different ways of doing things.

Absolutely, and the OP wasn't comfortable with the person being referred to as 'aunt', nor did she want them to come to the party. Perhaps people should also accept she has her own way of doing things, too

As to the OP, I agree with the 'aunt' thing. if you don't want your DD calling people who aren't related aunt / uncle, then that is your choice, for your family.

My own DDs called a dear friend aunt, even though she wasn't blood related, but that was by choice. I wouldn't do it if I didn't want to, and would explain that I didn't want others to.

Personally, I would have welcomed them to the party, but again, it was your decision. It's sad that disharmony was the result and perhaps now is the time for you to build bridges, if you wish. Maybe invite them over to yours, acknowledging they're a couple, as one is your OH's sister, and get to know the partner that way

Again though, it's your choice, along with your OH, and you have to do what you both feel is right, rather than rely on the opinions of others, as they will all be different.

Mardy? Probably

Rightfully so? Only you can really know the answer to that one