MSE Parents Club Part 9

weezl74

Bruno, I know it goes against every fibre of your being, but it's a phenomena that we counsellors experience all the time, that if you can bring yourself to stay with what she's feeling rather than challenging her about it she'll (hopefully) naturally re-connect with the part of her that loves elijah and wants the best for him (example coming up if that's just sounding like counsellor gobbledegook!). If you respond with anything challenging, even gentle ones like 'oh darling don't be like that about him!' or 'have you tried....' she'll most likely harden in her position and also be a bit against you as well: 'I've blimmin tried that, what do you know, you're not stuck here with him all day...'.

If you can, my advice would be to just say back to her: 'It sounds foul. He's upset and you don't know why and it feels like he's fighting you all the time. The last thing you want is for your evening to be like this too. Poor you. I'm so sorry it's like that. Is there anything I can do here at a distance?':)

HTH xxx

edit after a few of those kinds of response once their feelings have been heard and acknowledged, most people feel a bit more resourced and come up with a bit more solutions thinking for themselves. 'Oh well I guess I'll see how he goes this afternoon and maybe try him again later...' or something. Does that make sense?

Millie's_Mum

Weezl, you are such a great person, sorry Bruno but I'd be telling her to get a bloody grip!


edit, sorry that sounds really harsh now I've read it back, but really does she think being angry at a toddler is worthwhile? Whileever she gets this mad he's not going to improve and its such a waste of energy.

SugarSpun

ladybirdintheuk wrote: »

I have a terrible job today - getting car insurance quotes, as mine has jumped right up. I'm going to do a load on line via quid co and see what I can come up with, as sitting on hold on the phone isn't an option with a baby who wants to pinch the phone from me and talk to whoever I'm talking to :rotfl:. It's going to take me ages though!

Why not use a comparison website and then check the best quotes on Quidco? That might save some time

BrunoM wrote: »

Not sure how to respond to this email from OH. Clearly less over-the-hump from earlier this week than I thought she was.

wonderful, going to have to get him up as he's 100% awake and burbling to himself.
frankly I don't want to have to try again to settle him when he's hitting and pulling my hair and kicking me in the throat so this might be my last attempt at a nap, he can sleep where he falls down if necessary.
and I don't want to hear any bs about "TOO EAAARRLLY" bedtimes either especially if no nap occurs because I want to be BLOODY WELL QUIT OF HIM in the evenings instead of spending half of it listening to him moan.

I think the best way to respond is to tell her to do whatever means she makes it through the day, and then talk about it this evening. Is a mother's help an option for you? Just a few hours in the middle of the day where OH can just have time to herself at home?
Actually, what Weezlie said

weezl74

Millie's_Mum wrote: »

Weezl, you are such a great person, sorry Bruno but I'd be telling her to get a bloody grip!

:rotfl:

or you could try MMs approach Bruno (stands well back waiting to hear an explosion from London )

You're right MM it might be a bit too 'counsellory'-sorry I can't shake my work hat sometimes!

BrunoM

Well I gave her a poor you response and will talk about what we can do to improve things when home later. We have discussed possibility of home helps/nannies and the like. Thanks all for responses!

Millie's_Mum

No Weezl, I'm sure you are right

Jakesmummy

ladybirdintheuk wrote: »

Aren't the newer ones not backwards compatable though? Or doesn't he care about that bit?

Re weaning, I don't know about premmies, but I do know that all us mummies know our babies best, and so should listen to our own instincts as well as the professionals .

I have a terrible job today - getting car insurance quotes, as mine has jumped right up. I'm going to do a load on line via quid co and see what I can come up with, as sitting on hold on the phone isn't an option with a baby who wants to pinch the phone from me and talk to whoever I'm talking to :rotfl:. It's going to take me ages though!

I need to do this today as well! u know when you use quidco for car insurance will it only work if you pay the premium in full or does it work if you pay it monthly as well? I had planned to try and have enough money put away to pay in full but thats not happened:rolleyes:

BrunoM wrote: »

I was staring at this pic thinking "...but there's no snow..." :rolleyes:

Not sure how to respond to this email from OH. Clearly less over-the-hump from earlier this week than I thought she was.

wonderful, going to have to get him up as he's 100% awake and burbling to himself.
frankly I don't want to have to try again to settle him when he's hitting and pulling my hair and kicking me in the throat so this might be my last attempt at a nap, he can sleep where he falls down if necessary.
and I don't want to hear any bs about "TOO EAAARRLLY" bedtimes either especially if no nap occurs because I want to be BLOODY WELL QUIT OF HIM in the evenings instead of spending half of it listening to him moan.

I dont really have any advice but she sounds really fed up, the past few days Jake has been having epic tantrums, kicking me and hitting me and this morning I had to physically restrain him, not nice and I dont know where all his anger is coming from as its only been the past few days, what time does he go to bed at night?

elle_gee

emlou2009 wrote: »

Tigs, you know whats right for your little man Am I right in thinking Rhys put on loads in his first week of weaning?

No, not due to weaning he didn't :cool:

weezl74

Millie's_Mum wrote: »

No Weezl, I'm sure you are right

Oooh MM spooky coincidence, we started our MFW quest at the same time as you and are roughly at the same place as you are in your sig.... Are we living spookily shared lives? :D

weezl74

Jakesmummy and Bruno, it must be so hard when your little one lashes out at you. Kester the fetus is playing football with my spine today and I'm not that chuffed and he's only 35cm long :rotfl:

If it's any consolation 'theory of mind' which is the stage where a child realises, 'hey mummy has feelings to, so if I hit her it hurts!' happens between 2 and 3 and a half for most normally developing children.

This too shall pass