MSE Parents Club Part 9

sparkle03

Morning all,

Hope everyone had a good sleep and all babies were good. I have caught up from last night but I cant really remember much ....

Glad you had a good time gisi, sounds as if Henry couldnt have been more well behaved if he tried - Lucky You!

Bruno pleased you and OH had a better sleep last night it doesnt half make a difference.

I dont know why she didnt offer mel, perhaps she thought with Kai still being a baby you would have most of the stuff? *insert shrug*
What else are you looking to need for bubs numero 4? Are you nearly all set? Have you thought of any names yet?

Morning Weezl, hope your well this morning!
Oooops also meant to say get weel soon to Bruno

SusanC_2

weezl74 wrote: »

Susan, should I read that HB story or will it frighten me unecessarily, I'm not sure whether I'd regret clicking!

It was an Independent midwife who did not follow procedures she should have and was on her own so it is highly unlikely to happen with an NHS homebirth however it is unpleasant and distressing so I wouldn't advise anyone who was pregnant to read it as you are likely to be more upset by that kind of thing when pregnant.

weezl74

SusanC wrote: »

It was an Independent midwife who did not follow procedures she should have and was on her own so it is highly unlikely to happen with an NHS homebirth however it is unpleasant and distressing so I wouldn't advise anyone who was pregnant to read it as you are likely to be more upset by that kind of thing when pregnant.

Thank you, I shall stay blissfully unaware

I agree about being more upset by things when PG.

Susan have you read 'stop the traffik'? It's very moving in my PG state!

SugarSpun

Glamazon wrote: »

She's abit hard work mind, I was putting my Joey on today and she just picked Jack up! I don't even know her that well just to say hi to, not sure if she thought she was being helpful but I was bit !!!!!!???

That's quite common over here - if people perceive you as struggling to manage something and a baby they'll come and grab your baby. If she's used to that and she's met you before she probably would be mortified that it upset you. I'm not defending it cause I hate it - but she's not just some nutter, IYSWIM? Well, she probably isn't.

pinkpig08 wrote: »

I'm just watching the program about older mothers on BBC1, going to have to turn it off though That poor little 7 month old with the 72 year old mother. I'm sorry if others have different views but I just don't think it's right.

I agree. It's not even just the abstract idea "I'll be 90 when he's 18" - she'll probably be dead of old age, and he'll have to deal with losing his mother when he's a tiny boy, or she'll be ill first and he'll have to deal with losing his childhood in looking after her and then deal with losing her.

Buttonmoons wrote: »

I'd rather not waste taxpayer money by phoning the bobbies because they are banging on my ceiling and being turd munchers.

Call the non-emergency line and tell them you're feeling threatened by them because they're harassing you and say you've not felt right about calling but when he barged in shouting and your daughter was naked he really frightened her. To be totally cynical about it, a small child is the trump card - people who don't like noise come second to the needs of a small one, and if Keira was upset by it that should be reported and documented. Fire with fire, BM, come on! If he happened to make any kind of comment about your OH I'd complain that he's a racist too.

3, I'm so glad the bus went ok yesterday. Fingers crossed...

Big hugs scruffy and Beenie - Beenie, it sounds like you, DS and Amber would be better off without her.

Only one of my 15 ebay items is selling at the moment I hope the rest of you have better luck.

Feel better Bruno...

I'm always impressed at the resilience of some of the little babies on this thread. I'm considering getting some counselling because I'm still finding it hard to deal with Molly's birth and the effects it seems to have had on me; some of you mummies had it so much harder and you're doing so well. I'm all :j and .

sparkle03

SusanC wrote: »

It was an Independent midwife who did not follow procedures she should have and was on her own so it is highly unlikely to happen with an NHS homebirth however it is unpleasant and distressing so I wouldn't advise anyone who was pregnant to read it as you are likely to be more upset by that kind of thing when pregnant.

Weezl I would agree with Susan here, not worth you reading it at all hunni xx

sparkle03

SugarSpun wrote: »

I'm always impressed at the resilience of some of the little babies on this thread. I'm considering getting some counselling because I'm still finding it hard to deal with Molly's birth and the effects it seems to have had on me; some of you mummies had it so much harder and you're doing so well. I'm all :j and .

Sugar if that is something that you feel would help then I would certainly go for it. You know how we always say every baby is different, well so are all of us mummies, it doesnt really matter how anybody else dealt with the birth of their baby its what matters to you that is important! You dont need to feel about anything. FWIW I think your amazing the way you juggle everything and are so helpful to others on here - I hope you get what you need ((hugs)) xx

weezl74

SugarSpun wrote: »

I'm always impressed at the resilience of some of the little babies on this thread. I'm considering getting some counselling because I'm still finding it hard to deal with Molly's birth and the effects it seems to have had on me; some of you mummies had it so much harder and you're doing so well. I'm all :j and .

sounds good chat to us about it too maybe? You are a great writer, so maybe posting about it would be a bit therapeutic too? x

SugarSpun

Long post all in one paragraph, please feel free to skip.

Thanks Weezlie - my major problem is that I've never felt so helpless or vulnerable - so passive - as when Molly was born, and I feel like I failed her because when she went into distress it was because of a hospital error that I should have noticed and questioned. I was sobbing in the lift on the way to the operating room, and the two nurses minding the bed were just talking over my head to each other and not paying attention, then the doctor poked his head over the "don't let her see the blood" sheet and said he'd see me afterwards. OH was watching them and not talking to me (he said later that he was watching because he was so appalled at the nurses' lack of concentration and care and he wanted to make sure nothing was going wrong) but I couldn't see anything, I was in too much of a state to make anything of what I could hear (all in German) and I had no idea what was happening. The bed was set so my bottom half was higher than my top half and my right side higher than my left, so I felt like I was falling and I had a reaction to the meds that made my top half shake as though I was having a seizure. Then they showed me Molly and then took her away again but OH went with her so I was all alone while they sewed me up slowly. Then they told me I wasn't allowed to see my baby till I'd drunk a cup of chamomile tea -- a very small thing, but more of the same putting me into a dependent position. And I feel like I haven't entirely shaken that off, if you see what I mean, I keep imagining horrible things happening to us and I still feel like I wouldn't be able to protect her from things, and stories about other women having difficult births (Weezlie, don't read that article), or horrible things happening to small babies or pregnant women, send me into floods of tears. I tried to talk about it with my mother, but she commented that she hoped I wouldn't be one of those women who are always talking about their babies' births and how that's just stupid so I felt like I should just stop talking. But it isn't getting any easier, and I get embarrassed because other people had much worse labours, deliveries and outcomes than we did and cope better and I'm just whingeing.

Bah.

sparkle03

SugarSpun wrote: »

Long post all in one paragraph, please feel free to skip.

Thanks Weezlie - my major problem is that I've never felt so helpless or vulnerable - so passive - as when Molly was born, and I feel like I failed her because when she went into distress it was because of a hospital error that I should have noticed and questioned. I was sobbing in the lift on the way to the operating room, and the two nurses minding the bed were just talking over my head to each other and not paying attention, then the doctor poked his head over the "don't let her see the blood" sheet and said he'd see me afterwards. OH was watching them and not talking to me (he said later that he was watching because he was so appalled at the nurses' lack of concentration and care and he wanted to make sure nothing was going wrong) but I couldn't see anything, I was in too much of a state to make anything of what I could hear (all in German) and I had no idea what was happening. The bed was set so my bottom half was higher than my top half and my right side higher than my left, so I felt like I was falling and I had a reaction to the meds that made my top half shake as though I was having a seizure. Then they showed me Molly and then took her away again but OH went with her so I was all alone while they sewed me up slowly. Then they told me I wasn't allowed to see my baby till I'd drunk a cup of chamomile tea -- a very small thing, but more of the same putting me into a dependent position. And I feel like I haven't entirely shaken that off, if you see what I mean, I keep imagining horrible things happening to us and I still feel like I wouldn't be able to protect her from things, and stories about other women having difficult births (Weezlie, don't read that article), or horrible things happening to small babies or pregnant women, send me into floods of tears. I tried to talk about it with my mother, but she commented that she hoped I wouldn't be one of those women who are always talking about their babies' births and how that's just stupid so I felt like I should just stop talking. But it isn't getting any easier, and I get embarrassed because other people had much worse labours, deliveries and outcomes than we did and cope better and I'm just whingeing.

Bah.

Suagr your not whingeing at all, there really isnt any need to feel embarrassed telling us how you feel. Women have such high standards for themselves and having a baby / giving birth is such a magorly life changing event that if it doesnt go to plan it can take some time to get over.
From what ou have detailed above you were massively let down by your medical team, any errors that were made by them were not for you to pick up on.
You say you feel its your fault she was distressed - it really isnt.
When having Lexi I had been in labour from around 8pm the night before and at 8 o clock the next morning I was still being told to stay at home even though I knew I should have been in hospital but I stayed. When I next phoned and they said to take more paracetamol I got in a right strop and just turned up. I got shouted at for just coming in and when they hooked me up to the monitors Lexis heartbeat couldnt be found and she needed to be born asap as she was in distress. I felt like that was my fault as I should have listened to my instincts and just gone to Hospital. I dont 'blame' myself anymore but I did for a good while after her birth.
I wish I could help you more, Weezl probably can.... If you ever need to talk Ill always listen xx

SugarSpun

Thank you Sparkle - I didn't realise you'd had a difficult time as well. I do blame myself, and whenever I do something wrong I feel like a very rubbish mummy because I couldn't even get that small thing right and then the way she was born is always lurking. I forgot to put her double-thickness night time nappy on last night and this morning she woke up in a wet patch and I feel horrible about it. She's fine, happily chatting to her toys, but I'm a mess.