MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Luke keep giving prezzies to Leia's ungrateful kids?

Taffybiker

No thanks does not mean the children are ungrateful. They are probably delighted but don't even think about sending thanks, most likely because they have never been taught to, and they don't know any different believing it's the way of the world. Young children need guidance, and that would be down to parenting.
Stopping the gift is punishing the child, and in my opinion that would be wrong. A word in the mother's ear would probably bring the dilema to an end.

TraySelect

This is a replica of my sister's children - now grown - who were never taught by their mum to say thank you - for anything. Our mum and dad tried to encourage the kids to thanks to everyone who bought them something, but my sister scoffed at the 'wusses' that bothered with manners.

As a result, these two girls are self-centred, pampered, ungiving, focused only on the value of gifts - how much did it cost and what's the brand. They're not interesting or personable people- because they're interested in nothing except themselves, and how much money others have, and have to spend on them.

No, pouring presents into this sort of family is wasted. I only knew my xmas cheques had been received when I had the January bank statement and saw they'd been cashed straightaway. I wish I had stopped sending them sooner - but - yes - I only did it for my mum too.

CutTheJargon

I think the recession is probably making us all think about how we spend our money and where we can cut costs. I have made my own cuts this year with my Niece and Nephew' who are both professionals in their late 20's' as they can't be bothered to send a card even. Their present comes from their Mother (my Sister) who signs it from all of them. I doubt they even know or care what she has sent.

I was so angry with them both this year that I have downgraded their gifts by 50% and sent something in the food/alcohol line addressed to them and their partners instead.

Last year they were both at my house for Christmas Day and neither of them called to say thank you afterwards My Niece is getting married early next year and has sent out an invitation (yep - she can manage to do that all by herself) and included a present list!!

I think we should use the recession as a way of cutting out certain people from our present list.

gozaimasu

No, he shouldn't send them anymore presents. Obviously it depends on the exact circumstances (how close he is to his sister etc) but my opinion/interpretation of the dilemma is that they are stupid brats and don't deserve anymore presents.

I'm not very close to my aunts/uncles, and if I'm not seeing them at Christmas then I'd rather they didn't send me anything because it means I have to go out of my way to thank them when I'm not usually in contact with them anyway. Obviously I would be socially obliged to send a thank you card though, but I begrude the £1.50 I have to spend to do that.

poshnosh

these days its not just the kids who dont say thank you - its the adults as well.

I once sent my aunty some gift vouchers in the post (she and my uncle (mum's brother) had just got divorced and I thought it would be good as she was moving to a new home and would be quite expensive to buy stuff for it, plus the fact that I did not want any hard feelings between us as her problems were with my uncle not me). Weeks went by and I never received any acknowledgement. One day, in passing, I mentioned this to my mum that my aunty had not even acknowledged my gift vouchers though she had received them. It was then that my mum said for almost 15 years of her being married to my uncle, my mum would often send her gifts that she had picked up from abroad esp. for her (mum is retired and travels alot) and she never recalled my aunty picking up the fone to say thank you. I was shocked, and from that moment on I never sent a thing for her!

Contrary to this, I have been told many times by mum never expect anything from anyone, not even a thanks because thats how most people operate....If you want to give something to someone and its from the heart then go ahead and do it, but do not expect anything in return!

King_Drax_I

toadhall wrote: »

yes, stop sending gifts, we have the same problem, but instead of thank you letters we get complaints, so no more pressies sadly.
If you get pressies you should at least say thanks even if its not want you wanted or like.

Geez. Death's too good for them. I remember seeing an advert once where you could send someone a bag of horse manure, along with a suitable message ("This is from someone who thinks you're a real $h1t"); perhaps that's the ticket for the complainers?

rozeepozee

I have a slightly different problem in that I've bought my friend's kids birthday and christmas presents every year for the last 15 years (sometimes get a thank you, sometimes not - to be honest, it didn't bother me overly). I now have a young child of my own and my friend has certainly not given buying my kid presents the same priority that I've given her's to the extent that she failed to even acknowledge my son's birthday with a card this year, let alone a present. Ditto our own birthdays - I take her out for lunch, she forgets mine.

Ho hum. Am I being a total sucker? I certainly feel that way (and hurt and annoyed) and this will be the first year that I don't buy her kids a christmas gift - but I'm left feeling guilty and peevish

dave2

As a kid I'd have found it awkward to initiate a phone call or letter, partially since I hadn't gotten them anything. To be honest, they barely know you - remember when you were a kid how long it took between birthdays, while now you can't believe it's been a whole year since your last one? Last time you saw them was forever ago in their timeline. Plus you've seen them grow up, they weren't understanding much when young so you have a headstart.

Try giving the family a call on Christmas/Boxing day, they may ask to be passed the phone so they can thank you, or at least your brother may pass on what they said at the time.

Just because kids don't express it to you doesn't mean they're not actually grateful, and anyway I don't send gifts because I'm looking for thanks.

Bad kids? Bad mothers? I have one young nephew living near me that I see quite regularly, and another in London I see about twice a year. The nearby one I have a strong uncle/nephew relationship with and I don't hesitate to tell him he's naughty if he swears (and then I go tell off mum). The far away one, if he swore my approach would be to remind him that it's a bad word. I don't have quite the same relationship, I might as well be one of his mum's old friends. What I'm getting at is, part of the annoyance at not getting a thank you letter is because it's a reminder that you're not really an uncle simply because you're not in contact with them often enough.

rozeepozee

"bad mothers" are getting a bit of a battering here for not teaching their kids manners - don't fathers share the responsibility?

nicegal_2

Luke should stop. It's just common courtesy to say thank you. I have always made it a policy to stop sending presents if they are not acknowledged, or to gradually reduce the value. Quite often I find the lazy recipient gets the message and begins to communicate again.

I was brought up to write thank you notes and brought my children up the same way and my grandchildren write me lovely letters of thank you and also spontaneous notes to say they love me. When I was in my forties I met someone I had known from childhood (but not on letter or gift exchanging terms) at a family wedding and sent a note afterwards saying how nice it had been to meet her again. She was apparently very touched by this and when she died a few years later she left me £10,000 which her nephew would have inherited but he had never written thank you letters for all the gifts she had sent him over the years!