MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Luke keep giving prezzies to Leia's ungrateful kids?

mdr86

No, he shouldn't stop sending gifts - no thanks sent does NOT imply they're not thankful, I really struggle to write thankyous! If he was there, and personally gave them the gifts, and they didn't say thanks then, that would be another matter...

nicegal_2

mdr86 wrote: »

.. no thanks sent does NOT imply they're not thankful, I really struggle to write thankyous! If he was there, and personally gave them the gifts, and they didn't say thanks then, that would be another matter...

Why does it not imply they are not grateful? If somebody gives you something and you don't say thank you I think it definitely implies that you are not grateful, or cannot be bothered to acknowledge the gift.

And can I ask why you say that you struggle to write thank you letters when you are clearly articulate and managed to compose your post in this forum?

TraySelect

Thank you notes don't have to be letters if someone doesn't feel comfortable writing those. A notecard or postcard with a smiley and just something like 'thanks ---you're the greatest' - anything at all - is a thanks that is heart-warming to receive. Like the gift itself, the value of the thanks lies in its been given. Not how smart or fancy a thank you letter is.

To have no thanks at all is hurtful, really hurtful, when it's family.

LondonJax

I do thank you letters for my 2 year old son for birthday and Christmas presents to his friends and our relatives. My younger sister was the same with her daughter who is now 9 years old and sent us a lovely note for the gift we got her for her birthday recently. My husband's niece (similar age) never sends a note (neither did her mum when the niece was younger) - she never gets as expensive a present as we refuse to spend it on her.

My mum, who recently celebrated a big birthday, asked me to do thank you notes on the PC to print off for her as her hands are bad with arthritis and she could only just about manage to sign her name after the 10th one. She would be mortified if anyone thought she was rude enough not to write to say thank you.

It's a matter of manners - as someone said you don't have to write a lot. Thank you is just two words not an essay.

As for what I'd do...it's what we're going to do this year with the ungrateful niece. Ring her mum a couple of weeks after Christmas and say, "you should stop using that post box near you...xx thank you note to us didn't arrive at all this year so it's obviously disappearing into a royal mail hole..." Doesn't put the blame anywhere but makes it clear we were waiting for a thank you.

Mind you we recently sent some photos to hubby's family and they've not been acknowledged by anyone - must be a family trait (maybe he was found under a gooseberry bush as his manners are excellent!)

Somerset_Sue

Not once have my nephews nor my nephews in law (if such a thing exists) ever said thank you for a birthday, Christmas or later on, wedding gift! We usually all meet up at Christmas to play Happy Families but not this year so I shopped early to make sure Mother could deliver presents when she saw them near Christmas. I don't give to receive but what have they given me? Nothing, they aren't seeing me so they don't need to give a gift, even via mother. They earn far more than I do and I feel a mug right now. It's taken me 36 years (oldest age) to learn my lesson. I hope Luke learns it quicker. Manners cost nothing.

TopTottie

I had the exact same problem with my niece and nephew. It is really easy to say thank you when children have email or texts as a means of modern communication. So as I never got a thank you I stopped sending presents to the children for birthdays. I didn't explain why. The result? I got "un-friended" i.e blocked by my sister in law on Facebook. To keep the peace I resumed sending presents and by co-incidence I started getting "thank yous" from the children so I think the message got through. Their parents won't be getting any presents from me though.

smiler6900

Luke should stop giving gifts to childern too lazy to say THANK YOU.
When they have learnt and mean THANK YOU maybe give gifts again.
:TBad manners should never be rewarded

[Deleted User]

Reading this dilemma thread through I have resolved to make changes. Sadly the non-communication relates to my own younger half-sister & half-brother. I do not think they have ever shown the initiative to send me a birthday card. I doubt if they even know when my birthday is!

It makes me sad, and feel hurt.

It's entirely a matter of upbringing and gratitude - I always receive cards, gifts and thank-you's from their grandparents (my little-seen but well-loved step-gran & granddad) and I like to show them my appreciation in the same way. I also receive lovely notes/scribbles from my young nieces. If I can't thank someone in person with feeling, I always phone asap or write an email/note. It's simple manners!!!

Half of me thinks that if I decided not to send any birthday card/gift to my hs & hb (they are 18 & 22!!) then that might decrease the already meagre contact I have with my father ( I have an idea that my stepmum wishes me to disappear completely for some reason ) ....but the other half of me thinks well if they cannot show me the same manners and courtesy that I extend then stuff 'em!! LOL!!

anneshaw

Stop. I did with all of mine for that reason. Spend the money instead on better presents for my grateful grandchildren

wildthing01

i have a similar situation with an extended family member - i get him a hard- thought about pressie every year (as i do with for his sister/mum/dad etc), and yet have never once even had a card off him. he never sent us cards for the birth of our children, and promised presents (completley unbidden) for the first child, but then never delivered. he did not even turn up for our wedding, as too busy watching a minor sporting event.

the dilemma i have is, he spends xmas day with his family, and they will all be opening nice pressies from me, so i feel i have to get him something too, or it will look bad. yet i resent spending the time and money on buying him something, since he doesn't seem to appreciate it, and appears to have no interest in me or my family.

i'm afraid i end up with a dodgy compromise, which is that i get him something quite cheap that i haven't thought about, just so he doesn't feel left out, but i still feel disatisfied....