MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Luke keep giving prezzies to Leia's ungrateful kids?

bluedog

My 2 eldest children (23 & 24 years) live with their father and the youngest (20 years) with me.

Their grandfather (my dad) has always sent presents or money for their birthdays or for christmas. When each grandchild was born, he opened savings accounts for them and in turn, he put a bit of money into them on a weekly basis until he retired and then handed over the books, some had over £1k in them too.

My ex-husband does not like the childrens' grandfather (GF) and puts him down continually and I cannot repeat the names he's called him over the years. The ex complains that GF did not/does not contact them yet made no effort to see that my children contacted him at any point, (especially when younger) not even a thank you for the gifts. When I pointed out that GF was making more efforts to keep contact than they were, it did NOT go down well at all. In line with their father's attitude, they saw it as their right to receive birthday and christmas presents, seeing as "they're family" - yet complained when GF began sending them less as he was fed up of getting no acknowledgement from them, let alone thanks and is very hurt by it all too. It's been a bit of a bone of contention between the older children and myself as I have said they should consider themselves lucky that GF has continued to send them gifts irrespectively. Their answer?? Well, he can afford it and then go on to say how grandma (ex's mum) sends more than GF does ...... Ex tells them ALL off if they don't say thanks to her!!

DS who lives with me still has his manners and receives more than they do! Before we divorced, teaching our children manners was something we both agreed was important and took pride when it was noticed too.

With all this in mind, I think Luke should stop sending gifts too. Perhaps send one last one with the tick-box letter someone put in earlier, as I gather they are younger children than my own. Not only does it give them a chance to learn in a nicer way, it's a lighter-hearted way to try and get some kind of acknowledgement that the gift was received in the first place, if nothing else.

Whilst, yes, it's good to give without expecting thanks, it's also good to say thank you when someone makes the effort to do something nice for you.

In my own scenario, I applaud my father's decision to finally stop handing over his mney to my greedy, expectant children at long last - if they do not acknowledge he sent it.

olliedog

My mother insists she hates getting money or vouchers as a present and has the screaming habdabs if anyone doesn't send her suitable thank-you cards for her present to them (Usually money)

She hints loudly as to what she wants for her presents and we always try to get what she asks for. We ring her every Christmas morning (she goes to my brother's for Christmas as he has young children) to say humble thanks for all she has given us. We have to name each present and say how thrilled we are for each gift. She never thanks or even mentions what we have bought her. It's as though she's received nothing from anybody.My children (now grown up) ring and thank her and she doesn't even say thank you to them.

She spends the rest of the year whinging about the unsuitable presents she's received from everyone.

I say it every year, but we were so upset this year at her mean nasty spirit that I am determined she'll have the money next year and she can go and get her own flipping presents.

Ivor_Torrance

No he shouldn't continue. Manners seem to have taken a back seat in modern society, with a gimme gimme gimme or I want attitude. The problem isn't solely with kids either. It has been festered by adults who really should know better, but I think that the moral fabric of modern society really started to deteriorate under the Thatcher government, where the adage seemed to be that greed was good.

jane_from_cheshire

This is an annual problem with my niece in law as well! My nephew in law and his wife always reply with a lovely thank you card and now my little niece is big enough to write herself , she does so!! But I have only had 1 thank you from my niece and her husband (both doctors so not exactly poverty stricken or badly brought up) for the presents I send their children. However, when it came up to a birthday this year I sent the card saying the present was on its way, but then missed the post and would have had to use 'special special delivery extra plus with knobs on'to get the pressie there on time .... so I didnt! I sent the present this christmas instead - but do you know, they didnt even contact me to say the present hadnt been delivered, had it got lost etc etc

I somehow get the feeling they are just not bovvered!!

I will continue to send the pressies as usual because I'm doing it for the children not the parents - but how rude!! But I may try the same tack next year with 'Did you enjoy the presents I sent you?' and see what happens.

moneysavingmarrow

Blooming Christmas is what I say!!

Countertenor

Either that, or invite the family to visit for Xmas, and give them the presents personally. If they still don't say thank you, stop giving - in my experience, people who don't thank you don't appreciate the gift anyway.