MONEY MORAL DILEMMA: Should Luke keep giving prezzies to Leia's ungrateful kids?

St_Everild

I feel very sad and annoyed that my sister's children never seem to write or email about the gifts I have sent them...and every year I seriously consider not sending gifts again - the same goes for birthdays too.

But if I didnt send gifts the fall-out in the family would be tremendous...and I wonder if it is worth the hassle.
I always get something in a shop such as TK Maxx so I haven't spent a lot of money on them.

I try and send my own thank you letters to that particular part of the family as soon as I can after CHristmas (sometimes writing them on the Day itself) as a GoodExample...it doesnt actuallu make any difference but I feel virtuous.

I dont mind written typed or emailed communications, or a telephone call or a face to face thank you... but someting needs to be said by me to other people for their generosity, and I expect the same courtesy in return.

custard_monkey

This moral dilemma is a problem close to my heart. I’m currently buying about 10 kids (both family and friends’ children) birthday and Christmas presents and covering the addition postage for about 6 of them.
I can honestly say I don’t think I’ve ever had a note or call of thanks from any of them (I do get thanks from parents, which is appreciated, but somehow just isn’t the same!) I don’t even need an acknowledgement every time but just a little something every now and again would be nice.
Like lots of the other respondents I always remember writing to thank people for gifts when I was a child but maybe I’m looking back with a skewed idea of what really happened – I don’t know.
Thing is, that for some of them at least, I gradually see them less and less. Last time I met one of them I overhead him tell his mum he didn’t know who I was!! I thought, ‘I’m that mug that forks out for your birthday and Christmas gifts each year’. Why am I doing this?! Problem is, once you’ve started buying presents for kids it is almost impossible to stop without giving offence and I do agree that it seems unfair to penalise the kids for something that it’s an adult’s responsibility to teach them. My only advice would be to think very carefully before starting the ritual as you could be caught up in it for many a year.
There is, of course, the added annoyance for those of us who don’t have kids of our own, it’s one thing to buy pressies knowing your offspring will be receiving a reciprocal gift but another when it is just an extra burden on your finances. The ‘we only buy for the children’ types never seem to factor this in do they? And to me this statement always comes over more like ‘we don’t see you as part of our Christmas, despite the fact that you obviously see us as a part of yours’.

As for Luke… do as I say, not as I do. You’re obviously a nice guy, keep your money for yourself or give it to a charity and have a guilt free Christmas!

petersandyglen

I think it would be a lovely idea to give a charitable gift in their name, and send then the card to show which charity had benefited. If that didn't stir them to say something, then don't bother again. Peter.:T

BigBananaFeet

I worry when I don't receive a thank you note/phone call/email in case the present hasn't arrived - as has happened on quite a few occasions - also the thank you note may have got lost. If I don't hear, then I would ask a relative to enquire or phone myself to find out if it had been delivered. I'm not too bothered about being "thanked" but I certainly want to know that it hasn't gone missing. So instead of doing nothing but complain about not receiving thank you notes, give them a call and find out if they received them.

margo1

Give - then forget! That's what giving is - no conditions. Who is the present for? Your pleasure or theirs?

Yes they should thank you - I usually get a phone call or text these days from my nieces and nephews - if they don't thank you it's up to the parents to remind them and not worth the family upset of witholding gifts.

You only get one family (normally) so go with the flow and be glad you have got one.

davidnewton

Just send totaly inappropriate presents next time - see if you get any reaction!

amyandoli

I like to give, not give to receive and whilst a thankyou is nice, it's not the be all when it comes to kids, because it probably means the parents haven't taught them to do it. So I would of course give my neice and nephews gifts because its xmas, their children, their family and I'd love them simply.

jenheiffer

custard_monkey wrote: »

Thing is, that for some of them at least, I gradually see them less and less. Last time I met one of them I overhead him tell his mum he didn’t know who I was!!

If that happened to me there would certainly be no more presents. It means they didn't even give a thought as to who they were coming from.:mad:

RuthnJasper

No. He shouldn't. He should write a tactful letter of explanation to Leia. If Luke's conscience is pricking him (it could be Leia's fault, and not the kids'), perhaps he could send them a SMALL token (e.g. a little packet of sweets, or a £1 gift voucher). But, if Leia (or her kids) REALLY cared, they would thank Luke.

Christmas is about love, family and togetherness - NOT cash or presents.

Happy Christmas to all MoneySavers and to Martin, his family and his staff.

Hope 2010 is a better year for us all.
xxxx

G_M

Does he see the kids in between Christmasses? If so, he should sit down with them and ask if they liked the gifts, explain he put thought into what he bought, and say it is polite, and loving!, to say thank you when you receive a gift. If the following year he still gets no 'thank you', THEN he should stop.