Is it "my debt" or "our debt"?

Dead_Eye_Jones

yeah we have a joint account but pay an equal lump sum each into it to cover expenses and 'joint stuff'. The rest we keep to ourselves. Thankfully we are both savers so we end up putting into our own saving accounts which will ultimately go towards our mortage, new car, new roof, etc.

In many ways we could prob pool our money but then this raises the possibility of confict over deciding what we both do with it. I tend to buy random electronic things and the missus buys clothes, and neither of us really appreciate the value of our other halves purchases ! - how many pairs of shoes does one need??

To date we have had no arguments over money (coming up to 10yrs !) and I think this would be different if we had one account. In a practical sense we both consider each other and think like a couple when looking at major expenditure anyway.

Things will change when one of us stops work to look after babies.

eddie_2-2

I think that all couples are different and all couples will find a way that suits them based on their own circumstances.

My husband and I have separate bank accounts but split mortgage/bills/insurances/food/household stuff equally.
Any money left over is for that person to do with how they please - save it, spend it, whatever.

However, my husband and I both share the same opinions regarding our spending and getting into debt, and both of us are careful with our money and try to live within our means.
We also spend generously on each other, buying each other gifts, taking each other out for dinner, buying rounds for each other without taking note of 'turns', or tallying up totals.

We are very open about our finances disucussing them regularly and we have access to each others online banking. There are no secrets, no-one is hiding anything and we have never had a row about money.

We are both content and happy with the arrangement, although perhaps one day it might change due to circumstances, I don't know.
I think that as long as your financial arrangements work for you, that you feel that you are being treated fairly and honestly, and that the mechanics of the arrangement are working i.e. bills are being paid etc. then so be it.

The fact that couples chose to retain an element of financial independence shouldn't be taken as a lack of committment or trust. In fact I trust my husband implicitely to contribute fairly and honestly to joint bills and also to manage his own finances without being in control of any of his bank accounts.

domesticgoddess

at the moment I'm struggling to get my OH to talk money. I have asked if we coould have a joint account from the day we had children, I believe his lack of response is down to laziness plus I believe he has a debt problem and I don't know when it stems from, possibly from his divorce.

I really want us to have an open an honest approach to money and finances and am gentle nudging him in this direction. Prompted by this thread I will see if can open a joint account. Maybe if England win he will be in a good mood.

I see my debt as mine and some of his mine too, he earns twice what I do and pays the lion share of bills too, so I've never really seen the point of a joint account, however I want to try and ease his burden as he has been imo paying for too much and is struggling but won't admit it.

Interesting thread
Thanks

wigginsmum

We treat our income as joint, all outgoings as joint including debts, he transfers half of the outgoings to me, and we have the same amount of spending money each month. We don't keep a record of who paid for which takeaway or bought the latest top-up bottle of milk.

I am considering though getting a joint account for the household bills for us to both transfer into, so that DH could access it if anything were to happen to me.

nearlyrich

Bestthingsinlifearefree wrote:

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A couple should communicate and agree on their financial priorities with their money all in one pot.

Sorry to be argumentative, but who says they should put all their money in one pot ? I agree with communication and I am all for agreeing on financial priorities but the mechanics of how it works is down to the individual circumstance surely?

I think couples have to do what works for them and as I said in my previous post what we do works for us.

I also have more shoes than my husband can understand the need for and don't get me started on electronic gadgets!:rolleyes:

I would find it strange if my OH charged me for a drink though, :beer: he is quite old fashioned about buying drinks and he always pays when we go out.

Dr.Lou

My OH and I share everything, but I also think that is because we started out with nothing and were fairly young when we met, so there was nothing to say 'Oh thats mine, that's yours' etc.

A couple we know, who live together and own a house together; the girl recently got made redundant and her BF refused to help her out and she had to take out a loan to tide her over.

seven-day-weekend

Any money that comes into the household is 'ours' regardeless of its source. It goes into joint accounts. My husband has usually been the breadwinner....but sometimes I have.

Any debts, loans or mortgages that we've had in the past are 'ours'. They have been paid from joint accounts. (However, we're now debt and mortgage free!)

We also budget savings from the income as 'ours' - even though it goes into our individual solo accounts.

Don't consider any other way of doing it as viable if you are married...after all it's 'for richer, for poorer' and 'all my worldly goods I give to you'. You either mean those things when you say them or you don't.....and if you don't, why pronmise them in marriage?

If you are not married, then I agree the situation can be arranged differently.

seven-day-weekend

wendyl1967 wrote:

All our money goes into a joint account. It has since the day we married 16 years ago. I only earn about a quarter of what my husband earns as I work part time Iafter a 10 year break to be at home with our children) My husband has never paid a bill in all those years. I bet he does not even know where we bank!! I take care off all the money and budgeting so long as he has some money in his pocket for beer at the weekend he is happy.

The scary thing is, if I dropped dead he could not find half the money all in different accounts. I must sit him down soon and make sure he knows where it is. The kids have a standing joke that dad does not know where his money is. :rotfl:

I have already written my husband an account of where all our money is (it's with my will!). He has not got a clue and freely admits he would be in prison by now if I didn't make sure the bills were paid!

nearlyrich

seven-day-weekend wrote:

Don't consider any other way of doing it as viable if you are married...after all it's 'for richer, for poorer' and 'all my worldly goods I give to you'. You either mean those things when you say them or you don't.....and if you don't, why pronmise them in marriage?

If you are not married, then I agree the situation can be arranged differently.

Not all marriage ceremonies take place using the wording as quoted, I don't feel our marriage is less valid because we don't pool our finances....

flea72

my main point about someone having the upper hand financially, is when cirucmstances change, and one person becomes reliant on the other for money. having to ask for money from a partner is belittling, the money should be there, without having to ask. The biggest change being when one person is either made redundant or becomes a sahp. Unless you are used to having to share your money with another person, it can come as quite a shock, when your 'equal' doesnt want to share, now that you arent being seen to contribute.

also i dont understand people who say they split everything 50/50 and then whats left over is their own. well thats all well and good if you both earn the same amount of money, but usually in a relationship one person is the main breadwinner, and therefore they have more 'spare' spending money. its ok to say you split things equally, but when that leaves one person on a tight budget, whilst the other one can live comfortably, how can that be a good grounding for a relationship

As mentioned above by other posters, i too have friends who split everything 50/50 and sometimes on a night out, it can get a bit embarrasing when they argue over who's turn it is to pay tonight. they have even on occasions gone on holiday seperately, as one of them couldnt afford their share, and the other wasnt prepared to 'treat' them!

If you cant share all your money/debt, then what else is your partner holding back from you?

Flea