Is it "my debt" or "our debt"?

piglet6

I agree with you, Leni (and several others on here). To me, the minute we got married, Mr Piglet and I took on all debts and assets equally. In all honesty, we had been together for 4 years by then (met as students) so in our case all the debt/assets we had at that stage had been built up jointly anyway!:p

However, since that time we have swung between who earns the most (first me while hubby did further degree, then him in a job with well paid commission, then me a job with lots of well paid overtime, then him again, etc, etc), but our relationship remains the same, and I think that sharing all money equally plays a big part in that - whatever we have is ours to share, as a result of "us" working to make "our" life together better...we don't feel the need to split it out any further than that.;)

In fact, I took out "my" first ever credit card this year (all our credit cards for the last 15yrs have been in OH's name, with me as an additional cardholder). I did this because my bank offered me a 0% deal, and it gave me the chance to transfer the debt from OH's card (which was at an extortionate rate). I have since been told that this was a crazy thing to do, because if we had split up, it would have all been his credit card debt. I have now "cleared" his debt and it will be my responsibility. I can't believe that anyone would look at it this way :mad: - the way I see it, I was responsible for running up the debt with him in the first place, so its a joint responsibility to clear it (and I know he feels the same). As far as I am concerned, "we" are saving ourselves unneccessary interest... (Plus, we are going to be celebrating our 10th wedding anniversary this year, so I really hope that we are in it for the long-haul together and any "splitting up" talk is purely hypothetical by now!!!:rotfl: ).

I realise that this is alien to some people, and I respect their decision to keep financial things separate (each to their own...) but I believe that in a partnership, all things, both good and bad, have to be shared equally.:T

Piglet

piglet6

P.S. Having read the last few posts, I wanted to say that although we pool everything into one joint account, we do have individual accounts which we can use for personal purchases (usually pressies for each other, and treats which we don't want to use "joint" money for!:p ). However, the same amount goes into each of our accounts each month (all money earned goes into the joint account and then we "pay" ourselves an allowance from that), irrespective of how much we are individually responsible for contributing to the joint pot.

Over the years, when things have been tight, we have reduced the individual allowances.:o Equally, when we have been in the happy position of being a little more flush, we have both benefitted from the subsequent "raise" in allowances.:D

I hope I am explaining myself clearly... It makes sense to me!!:rotfl:

Piglet

seven-day-weekend

stebiz wrote:

All interesting stuff. Can I ask those that 'pool everything' what would you do if the other half wanted to buy something you disagree with. In my instance I like football and buy expensive tickets. I also like a game of blackjack. My wife likes neither. If we had had a 'pot' with £200 left in it and I blew it at the match/pub then my wife would quite rightly go mad. However if this was left after my wages had been split 50/50 she wouldn't care what I did with it. Same applies with me and her attitude towards clothes..........;)

Regards
Stebiz

We have never spent an amount of money approaching £200 without us agreeing on what to do with it. Neither I or my husband would dream of spending that amount of money without consulting the other one.

To those people who seem to have taken exception to my use of the wording in the marriage service, that is just my opinion, I wasn't saying other people's marriages were less valid if they didn't pool their resources, but that is how we interpreted the wording.

My husband and I did marry young with nothing and have built up anything we have between us, and also any loans. mortgages and/or committments.

seven-day-weekend

Just to add, one of us might spend the £200 on something for themselves, but it would be with the other person's consent.

Redbedhead

We have a mixture of both ways.

We have a joint account and credit card that we both pay in to and whats left in our individual accounts is ours to spend. I maintain the joint accounts / credit card and tbh my OH probably couldn't tell you how much money was in it at any given time.

At the moment OH lives with me in a house I bought before I knew him, so all bills etc are in my name and we haven't changed it. When we get a new house within the next year that will be in joint names and we will have to look at how much extra we put in the joint account to pay for it.

At the moment I earn about 70% more than my OH, so we need to work out how much to transfer to joint accounts - it seems silly to me that he has no spending money and I have more.

At the moment we are saving for our wedding and we put the same amount of savings in our joint account each month as this was something we wanted to do 'equally'. It balances out as I have more bills to pay (house, running the car) while he has lower wages coming in. At the end of it we have a similar amount of spending money left.

Works for us anyway!

lynzpower

seven-day-weekend wrote:

Just to add, one of us might spend the £200 on something for themselves, but it would be with the other person's consent.

Again though, what happens when you cannot reach consent? I find this interesting as its just not something that we have really discussed in projection for the long term.

I earn double than my OH, and of course every now and again when I can I will pay the electric bill off or buy the shopping, or pay for the pizza out.
However, he says,I feel really bad and sponging off you, it doesnt feel equal, he feel "kept" and it impacts on his confidence. As it would with me.

seven-day-weekend

lynzpower wrote:

Again though, what happens when you cannot reach consent? I find this interesting as its just not something that we have really discussed in projection for the long term. .

We always reach consent. If one of us really does not want to spend the money on a certain thing, then we don't. Otherwise, we either automatically agree, or reach a decision we are both happy with.

Small amounts (less than £30), we will spend without consultation, and this way we can buy surprises for each other.

Sea78

Hi,

interesting one... at the mo all our money is shared and we eahc spend money. The debts, although all in my name, are shared from our time together and as I paid off a few of his debts, I don't see the student debts (nearly paid off now) as a problem and neither does he.

However, when we are debt free we are going to have a different system - have a joint account and pay all outgoings out of that - pool all money, have various pots for it (saving for various things, childrens clothes, children generally, bills, food etc). Whatever is left (however minimal!! ) will be split equally between us - so it doesn't matter who is on more money etc. Then each of us is able to spend on what we want - all of it on a pair of jeans, or a ridiculous item taht is never used again - without reference to it (ie look at that steamer you spent so much money on and never use etc).

This is hoping we have money left over!!

Interesting to see how others do it...

Sea xx

Thefunkygibbons

We have always been joint account holders

The main challenge is that I am okay with forms so a lot of the extra savings are in my name, but now in order to maximise ISA allowances, some are now going into the beloved's name as well

flea72

stebiz wrote:

All interesting stuff. Can I ask those that 'pool everything' what would you do if the other half wanted to buy something you disagree with. In my instance I like football and buy expensive tickets. I also like a game of blackjack. My wife likes neither. If we had had a 'pot' with £200 left in it and I blew it at the match/pub then my wife would quite rightly go mad. However if this was left after my wages had been split 50/50 she wouldn't care what I did with it. Same applies with me and her attitude towards clothes..........;)

Regards
Stebiz

but if you have £200 left in the pot, then technically if you are a sharing couple, only half of it could be reasoned as 'your' money. however if my partner didnt agree to me spending leftovers, then i wouldnt spend it, but we might come to some agreement over what might happen the next time we had spare cash. so no you cant go to the footie this month, but if the £200 is still there in xyz months, then you can go to the footie

however if i liked the footie and wanted to go all the time, i think that me and OH would have come to an agreement prior to the start of the season, about how we would fund a season ticket

really, when it comes down to leftovers it all depends on what you view is a reasonable use for them. with most couples one of the them will be thinking along the 'yeay party time' lines, whilst the other will be thinking about 'oooh savings for a rainy day'. Meeting in the middle is the hard part.

Flea