Is this unreasonable re maintenance?

Loopy_Girl

Well that's sounding promising.

Clearly going to be a difficult and emotional day for you but keep strong and think of the girlies and the fresh start for you all.

We'll all be thinking of you x

zzzLazyDaisy

A note of caution (and sorry for being a cynic) if he asks you to sign anything, just smile nicely, pop it in your handbag, and say 'okay, no problem, I'll let you have it back tomorrow when I've had chance to read it properly'

And then come back here and/or speak to your legal friend x

bdt1

My ex from many moons ago is also a high earner, but we are on CS1, he earns 3-4k each week and was assessed at £600 per month, he has a massive mortgage, says he lives alone etc etc. Apparently you can apply to Court for a top-up of maintenance, for the likes of private schooling etc, I never have just pleased the weasel paid anything at all, after many many years of putting me through Hell - just couldn't go through any more hassle, but on reflection maybe I should have for the child concerned and his future - Daddy has only seen his son once in 18 years his choice not ours!!!!!!!!

Sensemaya

bdt1 wrote: »

. Apparently you can apply to Court for a top-up of maintenance, for the likes of private schooling etc,!!!!!

Indeed you can! Have a look at the sticky link, Gemma. I've just been updating what is left of them. You need to go on here:

http://www.hmcourts-service.gov.uk/

Click on Forms and Guidance then Children's Act. It's C10 and some others might apply.

The link to the legal services commission is in the sticky too.

http://www.legalservices.gov.uk/

I'm b-linking mad at the mo!

LizzieS_2

GobbledyGook wrote: »

The 6 bed house was excessive, but when we bought it it never occurred to us that our "plan" to have 4 children would be problematic. Being young we never, ever though we'd be one of the couples who needed help to have children, I suppose it doesn't when you are that age.

It wasn't excessive at the time of purchase, in fact based on what you've said, it was probably the best idea.

Now though you have 2 children who do deserve more comfort than they have at present, eg garden, separate bedrooms (latter being what they probably had or were going to have and it is not a matter of that option being unaffordable).

My post was aimed at seeing past the various arguments both solicitors will raise (ie your will say go for the 6 bed house and his will say the flat is fine), and cutting the fees by looking carefully at the long term prospects.

If you can come to some compromise over where you live and limit the outgoings you have on that, you are less influenced by any future games he may pay (ie, if you choose something that relies heavily on his maintenance payments, it could go wrong if he suddenly reduces his income as many magically do), that way whatever happens at least you can afford to keep the roof over your childrens heads.

kelloggs36

The cap loopy was on about is 2k per week income for the NRP - this equates to a max of £400 per week CSA money. However, as he earns more than this, you could apply to the courts for top up maintenance as the CSA don't take account of his true circumstances.

You say he isn't self employed - is he a director of a company or anything? Or is he a plain and simple PAYE employee? I'm asking because if he gets money via dividends it won't be taken into account for CSA and you will have to apply for a departure for this to be considered; even then there is no guarantee that they will count them as he has to be able to control the money, not just be a recipient. (Under CS1 this was different as all dividends were counted, but for some reason they were taken out of the equation under CS2). If he does get dividends I fear that you will only get a fiver per week if he pays himself the minimum via PAYE. Clearly though, if he is paid all his wages via PAYE then you have nothing to lose as the CSA will just do a DEO and he will have no choice but to pay you - is he likely to pack in his 12k per month job for the sake of £400 per week? I doubt it. I would remind him that the £400 is a minumum he should be paying, not extortion!!!

GobbledyGook

Thanks Kelloggs. He is a plain and simple employee.

He's not likely to pack in his job no, I am hoping that perhaps he's just not really thinking about the actual cost of things. He certainly sounds like he wants to sort things out.

I shall see what today brings. Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the advice. I don't have parents and my grandparents have passed away now so I've not many people to turn too.

cavkc

Hi
My DH is a relatively high earner, who got divorced approx 10 years ago. The seperation was mutually and at the time they had one 5 year old son and lived in a 5 bed detached home.

Whilst DH was a high earner, he also earned a good proportionn of his income through investments etc. etc. These were all taken into account by the solicitors they used, not just his basic income. It sounds like their lifestyle was very similar to yours, so I thought it would be useful to you to know what he agreed to:-

Firstly he paid ALL legal fees, including hers.

£1600 maintenance per month, reducing to £800 once the child reached 16. This though rose every year in line with inflation. This maintenance to be paid as long as the child is in full time education, or to first degree.

He pays for private school fees to be paid until he reaches 18, including all school clothing, equipment & trips.

He pays for all extracuricular activities, ie guitar, rugby etc.

The child would spend every other weekend with his father and one night during the week. This has subsequently increased and he now spends a minimum of 50-60% of the time with us.

The child would spend 75% of school holiday time with his father so his mother didn't have to 'cope' (her words!) with him all the time as it is 'very stressful raising a young child on your own'.

He will have the child to stay for a 2 week period, twice a year, during term time to allow his ex to have a 'break' and holiday outside of school holiday time.

The family home was sold and she retained 75% of the equity.

I think thats the main things & I know some things might have changed in 10 years, but this may give you an idea of what you could be entitled to.

Good luck

kelloggs36

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Thanks Kelloggs. He is a plain and simple employee.

He's not likely to pack in his job no, I am hoping that perhaps he's just not really thinking about the actual cost of things. He certainly sounds like he wants to sort things out.

I shall see what today brings. Thanks everyone, I really appreciate the advice. I don't have parents and my grandparents have passed away now so I've not many people to turn too.

You therefore have more control than you realise! What is his job that pays so well????

You need to think of yourself and the children - they are your main concern right now. Don't let him manipulate you or bully you into accepting less than you are entitled to by law - unless he is willing to subsidise any reduction in payments by paying for things direct. If he doesn't you really ought to go to the CSA. Good luck - keep us posted.

GobbledyGook

kelloggs36 wrote: »

You therefore have more control than you realise! What is his job that pays so well????

You need to think of yourself and the children - they are your main concern right now. Don't let him manipulate you or bully you into accepting less than you are entitled to by law - unless he is willing to subsidise any reduction in payments by paying for things direct. If he doesn't you really ought to go to the CSA. Good luck - keep us posted.

He's employed by a sports club kelloggs. He gets bonuses and stuff as well, but I think it best if (initially) I just work with him on his salary. We'll need to do it all official and stuff, but I need to just sort us for over Christmas and New Year and then can think about it all in January.

I've made a list of things we need to discuss, does this sound ok

Basic maintenance - his contribution to the girls' general living expenses
Access - He needs to commit to seeing the girls regularly. They miss him like mad. I also need a break every now and again, I only have 1 cousin as my whole family so I don't have anyone to help me out. Also want him to know I want his Mam to still see the girls just as much as she's very important to them.
Nursery fees - he chose it as it is "the best". Daughter shouldn't get less just because we've split.
Horse riding - he introduced the girls to it so they should still be allowed it. Especially as it was when he spent the most time with them so a good opportunity for him to do something with them.
Living arrangements - Need to find somewhere for the girls and I to live. The flat is unfair as it stops our eldest playing out and is cramped.
School fees at secondary school age - they were going private before so that should not change.

Savings and investments - first and foremost I need to know what is in my and joint names and any income from that as I need to put it down on my tax credits for. Secondly need to know what he views as a fair split from that.

Legal advice - I think we should both get any arrangement look at by someone so that we can both know that we are being fair.

I'm really, really nervous. Crazy when you think I've known him since I was 4!