Is this unreasonable re maintenance?

GobbledyGook

My ex and I have 2 daughters age 5 and 2 1/2. We split up last month.He earns a very high wage and although he spends a lot we had a very high standard of living. The CSA calculator works out that he should be giving me in the region of £400 a week, which is obviously very high and my ex is disputing this and wants us to come to an arrangement.

I am not a money grabber. I work part time for the council and although he paid for a lot of things I always paid a share too.

My ex insisted that my daughters go to a specific nursery school. Eldest is now at school and youngest goes to nursery in the school from August. It's very expensive (£68 per day) and he's now saying I should put her into a different nursery and claim tax credits. Is it totally unreasonable for me to insist he pays for her to stay at her nursery until then? We've already had to move home, they don't see Daddy very often (his choice) and our whole life has been uprooted. I just want my daughter to have 1 constant place in her life.

How do you work out how much maintenance someone should pay? I don't want to take him to the cleaners, but at the same time he needs to contribute to our daughters. I was thinking that maybe he should pay the £400 per week until August, then the cost of the nursery would be able to come out of it and he would pay less? Is that unreasonable? Any help would be great?

CSA_Help

Does he earn £2000 per week ?

GobbledyGook

Yes he does.

Don't get me wrong I don't expect my girls and I to live the way we did when we lived with him, but I don't want them to miss out completely.

Kimitatsu

If the CSA calculator comes out at £400 a week then legally that is what the government and the law has decided that you need.

If you put in a claim to the CSA then that is what they would assess and enforce so in that sense you are not being unreasonable. In the interests of the children if you have already moved then in MY opinion it is not unreasonable for him to pay for his child to remain there until she starts school. Divorce is an unsettling time for everyone and continuity is important to their welfare.

If you wish to make a private agreement between yourselves then that is between you, it has nothing to do with being a money grabber or not it is about maintaining your children and ensuring that they have continuity of care and welfare.

As it has only been a month, I would suggest that he pays the nursery bill and you come to a private arrangement for the other maintenance, if he refuses you can always put a claim into the CSA and if you decide later down the line to come to an arrangement you can put it into suspension.

Have you thought about going to mediation? It might help put everything into a little more perspective and give you other angles to think about.

CSA_Help

That what he needs to pay then if you go through the CSA

As it on the new system you can use their online calculator

https://secureonline.dwp.gov.uk/csa/v2/en/calculate-maintenance.asp

GobbledyGook

The calculator was where we got the £400 from.

I asked him to go to mediation and/or counselling, but he won't. He decided he didn't love me anymore and that was that.

I'm lucky in that we don't have any rent to pay (I inherited my Gran's house when she died). I have been renting it out, but the girls and I live here now as I've not had any tenants for a few months.

I get £600 a month in wages which would cover the bills. If he gave me the money to cover the nursery I'd have £160 a week leftover from the £400 for shopping, nappies, savings etc. Does that seem excessive?

I want to be fair, the last thing I want is a row - it's going to be many years of sorting things between us.

Kimitatsu

GobbledyGook wrote: »

The calculator was where we got the £400 from.

I asked him to go to mediation and/or counselling, but he won't. He decided he didn't love me anymore and that was that.

I'm lucky in that we don't have any rent to pay (I inherited my Gran's house when she died). I have been renting it out, but the girls and I live here now as I've not had any tenants for a few months.

I get £600 a month in wages which would cover the bills. If he gave me the money to cover the nursery I'd have £160 a week leftover from the £400 for shopping, nappies, savings etc. Does that seem excessive?

I want to be fair, the last thing I want is a row - it's going to be many years of sorting things between us.

No its not excessive, whilst it may seem like a large amount now, as they grow up they will need more things, trips with school etc. If you feel that there is too much then put it away for them in a bank account for Uni fees or a deposit on a first house.

The money is there for the maintenance of the children not just for you to exist, so take what is due to you and enjoy the freedom that it will give you. You are not being unfair, you are just taking what has been given you and nothing else - there are lots of PWC who rail against the system because they feel they should be due more.

GobbledyGook

Do you think I should say I'd like to stick with the £400 until August and then review, rather than say we'll do that until August then he can not pay the £240 at all?

Also I've been told tonight that because his wage is over the £2000 a week (he makes about £12000 a month) if he pushes is to the CSA he may have to pay more than £400 so would be worth his while, and be less hassle, to stick to that.

karen24_2

I believe you're entitled to tax credits too. Child maintenance is not taken into account when you apply.

Kimitatsu

GobbledyGook wrote: »

Do you think I should say I'd like to stick with the £400 until August and then review, rather than say we'll do that until August then he can not pay the £240 at all?

Also I've been told tonight that because his wage is over the £2000 a week (he makes about £12000 a month) if he pushes is to the CSA he may have to pay more than £400 so would be worth his while, and be less hassle, to stick to that.

From my experience GG then I would prefer to be in charge of the finances for my children especially if he does not see them very much, that way you know they are paid whatever.

Have you rung the CSA helpline and asked them to give you an idea of what you would be entitled to? If you have al of the figures to hand then he may be more reasonable in seeing that the figure of £400 is better for all concerned.

Can I ask why your daughter will only be in nursery until August? Will she go into prep school then?

GobbledyGook

Kimitatsu wrote: »

From my experience GG then I would prefer to be in charge of the finances for my children especially if he does not see them very much, that way you know they are paid whatever.

Have you rung the CSA helpline and asked them to give you an idea of what you would be entitled to? If you have al of the figures to hand then he may be more reasonable in seeing that the figure of £400 is better for all concerned.

Can I ask why your daughter will only be in nursery until August? Will she go into prep school then?

She'll go into the nursery in the school. She gets so many hours free as she'll be 3 and I'll only have to top it up to cover my work hours by about an hour.

I rang the helpline, but they weren't very helpful. Apparently it depends on about a million different factors. She mentioned 15% and 20%, but I couldn't exactly follow what she was on about.

I was going to approach it with him on the basis that 20% is around £550 per week whereas I'd be happy with the £400 and happy to review in August. Also letting him know that if we go through the CSA they'll take his whole income into account rather than £2000 per week.

I do want to be in charge of my own finances. I want him to give it to me then I'll pay the nursery, I don't want it to be on his whim. If it's potentially debt in my name I want the control over it.

Many thanks for the helpful advice.