Nice people thread

LydiaJ

SingleSue wrote: »

Ah Christmas tree...

Mine isn't up yet, nor are there any decorations...I didn't put them up last year either and they only went up the year before because I went out on the Mencap Christmas dinner and my parents, whilst babysitting, put them all up for me.

It's not been the same since hubby went...it's no longer a special time and it feels wrong to have all these bright cheerful things in the house when I feel so bereft inside, it just depresses me more and reminds me of all the lovely family Christmases past.

Sue

I do understand, from the parent's point of view, the feeling that it takes two adults to make a "proper family Christmas" - I feel that way myself. But I find my kids don't see it that way. They just want to do all the same Christmas things regardless of who is there.

How do your boys feel? Do the younger ones like Christmas, or is it difficult for them because everything is different from usual? How about your eldest? What would he like? And what about you? You are doing amazingly under extremely difficult circumstances, without the help of a bloke who seems to be pretty useless from what you say about him. What would you like? If all the effort of it didn't fall on you, would you like a tree and decorations and all the rest of it?

michaels

Scunthorpe?

wageslave wrote: »

I tried my hand at erotica earlier on in the year. It all seemed pretty formulatic and I was convinced it would be easy money.

Have you an idea how hard it is to type the word cn*t when it isn't an insult?

SingleSue

LydiaJ wrote: »

Sue

I do understand, from the parent's point of view, the feeling that it takes two adults to make a "proper family Christmas" - I feel that way myself. But I find my kids don't see it that way. They just want to do all the same Christmas things regardless of who is there.

How do your boys feel? Do the younger ones like Christmas, or is it difficult for them because everything is different from usual? How about your eldest? What would he like? And what about you? You are doing amazingly under extremely difficult circumstances, without the help of a bloke who seems to be pretty useless from what you say about him. What would you like? If all the effort of it didn't fall on you, would you like a tree and decorations and all the rest of it?

They know Christmas upsets me and they don't like to see me upset.

They would like the tree up and I have thought about it but then can't quite get myself to do it (completely selfish I know) but we have had fun doing my parents tree where they got to put the names of our cats on the baubles..we spend Christmas day and most of Boxing day there anyway.

Youngest never really liked the palaver of Christmas to be honest and although he says he would like the tree, he also wants his art station to stay in front of the window (the only place the tree can go) for the light.

Eldest couldn't really care either way to be honest, apart from the fact it is he who has to go in the loft to get the stuff! Middle son hasn't really said that much.

It's not the fact of putting the decorations up, more the memories involved of Christmas past where we were all together, choosing presents, wrapping presents, the fun first thing on Christmas morning when we would be up before the children (unusual at that time) and then wake them up together before opening a couple of pressies at home before making the journey to my parents.

The way, that for one day of the year, I was made to feel special, wanted, needed, appreciated..now it is like any other day, I have to do the mum and dad role.

The fact that the children no longer get decent presents, they have to make do with whatever £15 per child can buy (not that they moan at all - decent children all of them), I can't contribute financially as much as I used to, to my parents for the festivities.

I'm not worried about not being able to drink, we used to take turns anyway...I would not drink on Christmas day and do the driving, and he would do the same on Boxing day...I now do the driving both days but sometimes it would be nice to join in the toasts (I am completely anal when it comes to alcohol and driving, I won't even eat my christmas cake as it contains brandy).

Privately, I am quite a religeous person...Christmas is the time for family - mum, dad, children, grandparents, siblings...not just mum, children, grandparents and siblings, it feels odd, like some important ingredient is missing.

To not be together with the father of my children at that special time goes against everything I have ever believed in....I never believed in divorce.

Still, I paint a happy smile on my face on Christmas morning, take the pictures like I always used to but then cry myself to sleep when we are home and they have gone to bed.

Silly emotional woman I am being tonight! Where is that packet of choccie biscuits? :rotfl:

lostinrates

SingleSue wrote: »

Silly emotional woman I am being tonight!

Not silly at all. Very moving.

Pobby

SingleSue wrote: »

They know Christmas upsets me and they don't like to see me upset.

They would like the tree up and I have thought about it but then can't quite get myself to do it (completely selfish I know) but we have had fun doing my parents tree where they got to put the names of our cats on the baubles..we spend Christmas day and most of Boxing day there anyway.

Youngest never really liked the palaver of Christmas to be honest and although he says he would like the tree, he also wants his art station to stay in front of the window (the only place the tree can go) for the light.

Eldest couldn't really care either way to be honest, apart from the fact it is he who has to go in the loft to get the stuff! Middle son hasn't really said that much.

It's not the fact of putting the decorations up, more the memories involved of Christmas past where we were all together, choosing presents, wrapping presents, the fun first thing on Christmas morning when we would be up before the children (unusual at that time) and then wake them up together before opening a couple of pressies at home before making the journey to my parents.

The way, that for one day of the year, I was made to feel special, wanted, needed, appreciated..now it is like any other day, I have to do the mum and dad role.

The fact that the children no longer get decent presents, they have to make do with whatever £15 per child can buy (not that they moan at all - decent children all of them), I can't contribute financially as much as I used to, to my parents for the festivities.

I'm not worried about not being able to drink, we used to take turns anyway...I would not drink on Christmas day and do the driving, and he would do the same on Boxing day...I now do the driving both days but sometimes it would be nice to join in the toasts (I am completely anal when it comes to alcohol and driving, I won't even eat my christmas cake as it contains brandy).

Privately, I am quite a religeous person...Christmas is the time for family - mum, dad, children, grandparents, siblings...not just mum, children, grandparents and siblings, it feels odd, like some important ingredient is missing.

To not be together with the father of my children at that special time goes against everything I have ever believed in....I never believed in divorce.

Still, I paint a happy smile on my face on Christmas morning, take the pictures like I always used to but then cry myself to sleep when we are home and they have gone to bed.

Silly emotional woman I am being tonight! Where is that packet of choccie biscuits? :rotfl:

Sue, you are such a lovely person.

PasturesNew

I can't wait until I get my own little place ... and I can make it all Xmassy. I'll have a little tree, with lights and chocolates on the tree. Tinsel and chocolate coins round the base.

Then presents will be around the base... even if they're fake ones I have to bring out every year.

Then I'll get some liqueur chocolates (I like the ones that Lidl do, they're plain chocolate barrels filled with liqueur), I'll get some pick n mix of my favourite sweets, a couple of tangerines and some chestnuts... which will all go into a bowl with a bit of tinsel.

Then I'll sit in the dark, with just the tree lights on and feel all warm and happy in my own little sparkly dark place.

PasturesNew

I am hoping it is dry/bright on Friday, I've decided that's my moving day. I had all these grand plans to be organised and it never happened. Which means tomorrow I have to do all the packing, possibly sending stuff by courier, and all the cleaning and clearing out. Wiping down every square inch, polishing, vacuuming. Get everything into one pile in the middle of the room (measured out to fit the car so I can check it will all fit). Then set my alarm early for Friday perchance to actually wake up, pack the car, ring through meter readings, drop the keys through the LL's door and set off on my long journey south.

The weather forecast for Friday shows dry/bright ... so it's fingers crossed for that to happen.

misskool

PasturesNew wrote: »

I am hoping it is dry/bright on Friday, I've decided that's my moving day. I had all these grand plans to be organised and it never happened. Which means tomorrow I have to do all the packing, possibly sending stuff by courier, and all the cleaning and clearing out. Wiping down every square inch, polishing, vacuuming. Get everything into one pile in the middle of the room (measured out to fit the car so I can check it will all fit). Then set my alarm early for Friday perchance to actually wake up, pack the car, ring through meter readings, drop the keys through the LL's door and set off on my long journey south.

The weather forecast for Friday shows dry/bright ... so it's fingers crossed for that to happen.

weather forecast for south east on friday is snow storms

I'm debating whether to book the day off work now or pretend I'm going to try and brave the chaos. London does not cope well with inclement weather.

LydiaJ

Oh Sue

I have never believed in divorce either. Sadly, that doesn't stop it happening unless both people don't believe in it.

You do such an amazing job but your life sounds so isolated. I wish I could lend you some of the wonderful friends who are supporting me through a difficult time at the moment.

I know we are no substitute for people who are there in the room with you, but I hope it helps a little that we all think you are very special, you are certainly wanted and needed, and you are appreciated - by us, by James (I think) and by your younger boys (even if they can't articulate it or may not even be conscious of it).

You say you are privately a religious person. Perhaps it will help to remember that Christmas is about Someone who was born in very difficult circumstances, who brought a message of love for everyone, but especially for the ones that mainstream society found it more convenient not to notice.

lostinrates

Our_love_runs_cold wrote: »

You been smoking that skunk again Pn :cool: x ?

If she has, I want some. I think it sounds lovely. I did even feel inspired to go and sit by our tree in the dark, buts its brass monkeys there, so crept back up.

I love our christmas tree. Its a bit more colourful than usual this year...not terribly chic I'm afraid, but its happy.