Tete en l’Air’s Feet On The Ground Diary

Dinah93

My friend went for 3 weeks on £1200, if you shop around you should be able to get the price down, its important you see the place you're moving too, personally I do think you'll like it, and it'll just take a huge weight off your mind.

So even if he doesn't have his current role, he'll still have A job, so there's not an immediate financial pressure. The other job might be awful, but he also might enjoy it, and there is also the option of getting a job elsewhere if the private sector expands massively - which it would have to really.

Lol I'm sure he'll calm down within a day or two, its just the thought of 'I might not be better than an imaginary baby!'. I don't think most men get the whole need for a family. I'm devoted to NIM, genuinely couldn't imagine another man making me 1/10th as happy as he does. Yet if he didn't want a family it'd kill me but I'd leave. I know for certain he would too. I'd just feel I'd missed out big time in 20 years time. But what a relief to know you're on the same page, and that he's happy to take things a little more slowly as regards the big move.

Lara44

Aww Tete, dodgy hug :grouphug:

*Probably oversharing alert* One of my friends called me a robot recently for having a timeline! Womens' fertility is time limited, and because of that we think about our lives and careers in a way that is difficult for men to understand. It can make men think we are controlling, but really it's worry about leaving it too late.

I have got 35 in my head as the cut off point for having my first child. This is alien to my OH who falls back on the more mysterious 'when the time is right' which I find far too flaky! Even though we are getting married, we still don't have an answer that we both agree on about when to have kids. Just because we are still negotiating these issues doesn't mean our relationship isn't successful and it's the same for you and your OH.

Despite hitting some raw nerves on either side, it seems like progress has been made, and you are on the same page about having kids. Were you disagreeing really because he hasn't proposed yet, and you'd like him to? I just say that because it was an undercurrent in a lot of my arguments with my OH really, when I am really honest with myself. It sounds like the next thing to do is actually to move in together! Plan a holiday to Australia! Enjoy it all. Just take the next house that ticks any of the boxes and make the best of this next exciting adventure. I think this waiting for houses is not making you feel good.

Tete_en_l'Air

Lara, what are you, a designer? You should be a life coach or a counsellor or something, you hit the nail on the head with everything.

That's exactly how I feel about planning babies, I would like to have three (not that I've thought about it ) so I can't start too late! It was one of those things that was always 'Maybe in ten years' time!' but in ten years I'll be 38 so it's a bit more immediate now.

I'm not annoyed that he hasn't proposed yet, because I would like to live together before that, but although he says he'd like marriage and chiildren, it almost seems as though he'd like them in theory - I still have no indication from him when it might happen. I hate feeling and acting like a controlling nagging girlfriend and I know he hates it too, but I feel like I've been too laid back for too long and so I've been in knots myself not knowing how he feels, so it's all sort of spilled out at once.

Dinah that's about £1k cheaper than the cheapest flights I've seen! Very encouraging, I guess you have to look out for the sales. I hope he calms down soon, we normally text each other throughout the day when we're at work and I asked him to let me know if he wanted to do something tonight at 8am and haven't heard back since. And on top of everything else, if I don't hear from him, Dad will be asking why we're not going out etc etc - argh! We need our own space!

Swinstie73

Hey Tete, glad you had The Talk, and hope you had hankies, told you there would be tears, don't think I had the snot though, ha!

Now you have had the talk, it will get easier and believe me you will have lots more questions, wonderings to discuss with him, I still have 2 months later. OH says he is buying me a ring after our holiday, then he said something about next year, then he said we'll get married soon - talk about being flaky. Again it was easier for us as we both agreed on no kids, although I did ask him why he never thought to ask me my views when we first met - I kind of knew he didn't want any when he held his friend's kid like it was an alien!

Continue to discuss what you want (not nag - not that you are) as us women aren't usually happy until something concrete happens and it isn't all just talk whereas men usually just nod and agree. Glad you seem to be on the same page though, you both need to agree what is best for both of you. I'm now more relaxed knowing we are moving forward, it might be small steps but it's going in the right direction, you living together would be a good start. Good luck!

poddle911

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Lara, what are you, a designer? You should be a life coach or a counsellor or something, you hit the nail on the head with everything.

Lol, it's true! And Swinstie's right too - you guys need to carry on talking about stuff; I think boys sometimes feel that once they've had 'the talk' they're off the hook! I can understand why you feel angry, I'd be the same and I'm ridiculously stubborn, but if you haven't heard from him by the end of the day, I'd just make the first move and call him...

You've already said how great you are together and how much you love each other so I'd try to make the peace and explain that you feel there are double standards etc and then enjoy your evening together *words from wise old bird coming* I really regret all the evenings I've wasted fuming/sulking/confused/upset and in the end I just feel sad that I've missed out on a night with my boy (but I do have to try REALLY hard to make the peace when I'm not in the wrong!)

Although sometimes you do just need a little bit of space to calm down and get your head around things

Lara44

Haha, no no I just have been through a similar one with OH. Hope you all have a great weekend. We have the in-laws to stay which is nerve-wracking, but they are lovely people.

Tete_en_l'Air

Hello there, that's exactly what I did Poddle (waved the olive branch) so just popping on to say how fine everything is now, although we had a little spat on Friday night because I'd got the 'wrong' type of mozzarella for our pizza making (ie, the value stuff!), so he refused to eat it and we ended up going to Dominos - honestly I don't know how I'm meant to be a moneysaver living with him! All is good though, and we were at my cousin's wedding yesterday so I made sure I got a few little comments in "I think we should have a sponge cake rather than fruit" etc etc! Which he vetoed because he loves fruit cake *roll eyes*

Thanks girls for all your support, I don't tend to talk about this stuff to real life friends so you've helped me get my head straight, you're all very wise!

Hope the weekend wth the in-laws is going well Lara, I'm about to go up into the loft to clear it out of all my old dolls and GCSE coursework and god knows what else. It's all been up there so long without being looked at I should probably just grab it all and bin it as it obviously won't be missed, but I just can't. I think it was Birdie saying she likes to sort through things and reminisce and I'm the exact same!

Birdie85

Hope you enjoyed sorting out the loft! I saw something on your FB status about spiders....ick! I do enjoy a good sort out and reminisce though... you find any good toys?!

Glad you had The Talk with your OH and you're on the same page, sounds like he's being a bit of a typical man just assuming that you already know what's going on in his head and getting upset that you'd consider leaving if he didn't want kids. I get the feeling that a lot of men like the idea of children in theory but can't quite bring themselves round to the reality of it all since secretly they still think they're young and free to do as they please! They just don't have the same time constraints as women so it just doesn't occur to them to start 'early'. I really want my first child before I turn 30 because I'm aware that the longer we wait the harder it gets and what if we wait until mid-thirties and struggle and it takes 3 or 4 years to concieve the first child? I don't want to be 40 with a new baby. Normally I'm quite optimistic but for some reason I'm quite worried about our fertility, for no valid reason whatsoever!

Dinah93

I think everyone is Birdie, you fear being the statistic, the one with no prior issues for whom it never happens. I have a friend at work, she's having a C section with her first today, they had 6 years of IVF - I always thought she was in her late 20s, so mid-early 20s when she started, but turns out she was 30 when they started trying for the baby, 33 when they started IVF, she had no prior issues, but it might have taken 9 years but in the end they're getting their baby I want kids but I'm not sure I'd have the strength to keep trying for so long.

Tete_en_l'Air

Morning Birdie, me too, I've always thought that! You spend all your time trying NOT to get pregnant, it would be typical to not be able to at the end of it all!

Sorting the loft was a chore really, I still have Year 8 school books which is just ridiculous! Not a lot up there in the way of toys, there are some cuddlies which are in those airtight bags which I'm not getting rid of but my box of dollies has copped it (after I removed any of the clothes that could be used for sewing pretties!), found some Boglins and a My Pet Monster. The only thing I really rescued was my Knitting Nancy, anyone else have one of those? Something like this:



Mine isn't as colourful sadly. I can't remember how to use it either so will have to look up a youtube tutorial.

Hope everyone is well this morning and has had a good weekend. I'm feeling much much happier and more secure in my relationship so it was all worth last week's stress, though I still don't feel quite right from it. Ooh I have to show you my teacups I got at the weekend! I'm totally in love with them, even if they don't match my teapot!



Three day week for me this week, hurrah! It's half term too so hoping it'll be quite quiet and I might be able to squeeze in a review or two at work! I'm feeling slightly more zen about my to-do lists now that sewing class is over, I have an extra evening. This week:

- Packed lunches all week - 1/3
- Check bank statements
- Work out what to buy for friend's birthday and father's day
- Write and post cards
- Cancel Sew Magazine subscription
- Phone letting agents
- Visit Grandma
- Washing
- Finish samples folder
- 3 reviews
- Transfer 6 to Ciao
- Finish wool cushion
- Sew button back on jacket
- Sew button back on cardie