Tete en l’Air’s Feet On The Ground Diary

Flower08

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Quoting moving home statistics is like me telling you the divorce rate - you'll still get married!

Never thought of it like that, but is very true!

I have no interest myself in moving away from this country, as long as i can have my yearly holidays , but i can completely understand your saying in wanting to experience new things etc...

Tete_en_l'Air

Yeah Inknow it might sound a bit strange but for me it's one thing to move in together, it's another to move into a place and know that's your life and that's where you're going to be for the next XXX years. Some people would like the security, some would feel claustrophobic...

Swinstie73

I know the feeling Tete, I've discussed with OH about us living together (we're currently 27 miles apart) but it scares the doodoo out of me! It's exciting but also scary cos you start thinking what if it doesn't work. OH made a good point that 'if it's not broken, why fix it'. I thought I wanted to get married and have kids but he doesn't want more kids and tbh I'm glad as I'm too squeamish/selfish for that anyway but I'd be happy just knowing he's in my life (and a nice ring wouldn't hurt either), ha! What is meant to be will happen, good or bad!

ETA: When I was single I always said I never wanted marriage or kids (it was a defense mechanism) but now even though I'm in a relationship me views are still the same, it's others expectations of what you should do that's the problem. Not saying I'd say no if proposed to, just not expecting it to happen - but if asked to travel to Australia, now that's another story!

Lara44

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Dinah, yes I want that, not for a few years still but I just need to know it'll happen, which is why we need to have this showdown.

:rotfl: at 'showdown'!

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Yeah Inknow it might sound a bit strange but for me it's one thing to move in together, it's another to move into a place and know that's your life and that's where you're going to be for the next XXX years. Some people would like the security, some would feel claustrophobic...

Ahh for me you just hit the nail on the head. I need a bit of self-development to be on the table, to have 'options'. My old landlady was amazing. She is a medical Dr turned healthcare researcher with 2 lovely children in early teens. She lives in Serbia with her husband. They took a few years out to do PhDs and MBAs and set up an internet start up consultancy along the way, and now her husband runs a sailing team! They are both really down to earth and normal. If my future could be half as interesting as theirs I would be well chuffed.

Birdie85

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Quoting moving home statistics is like me telling you the divorce rate - you'll still get married!

LOL, I'm loving it! :T

I think everyone is different, I'm too dull and wimpy to want to experience the world but someone like you was made to see other places and speak different languages. No-one can tell you what you should want/do but you! x

Dinah93

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Yeah Inknow it might sound a bit strange but for me it's one thing to move in together, it's another to move into a place and know that's your life and that's where you're going to be for the next XXX years. Some people would like the security, some would feel claustrophobic...

If I thought of it like that I'd be damned miserable, but I don't feel a morgage ties me down - if we decided to go travelling for a year we could rent it out without much hassle. What it gives me is the stabilty I never had from renting, because I had a string of appauling landlords, and hopefully a fiancial asset that will appreciate over time and at the very least always be there to draw on if we need it.

For anyone who thinks I was being harsh yesterday I didn't mean to, as I told Tete last night I just like playing devils advocate, often it helps people work out what is really important to them, and at the very least helps to consider both sides of things, I didn't mean to tred on any toes.

Thank you for my lift back last night hon x

lulu984

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Quoting moving home statistics is like me telling you the divorce rate - you'll still get married!

:rotfl:

This sums it up perfectly! Its not about other people and whats worked for them. You'll figure out what you want to do and it'll be whatever is best for you. Im excited for you!

Tete_en_l'Air

Morning all, no probs about the lift Dinah - sheesh, NIM in the pub when he should have been picking you up, who'da thunk it from an Irishman?

Swinstie what you say is interesting, about just being happy he's in your life. I have a feeling/fear this is OH's stance with me, whereas I want more than that. But then what if that IS his stance, do I break up with him on the premise of finding someone who does want what I want, but at the same time risking never finding anyone who makes me as happy? I can't imagine anyone would. It's a depressing thought, but I'm going to try not to think about that til we've spoken later.

Lara, I know what you mean I know so many people in my job, who've been teachers then progressed on through to headship and now work as education consultants - one lady I work closely with does all this at the same time as farming alpacas in Northumberland, and I don't think she's even 50 yet! I'd love to be able to say I've had such a successful career and fulfilling life, but unfortunately I'm one of those people who doesn't know WHAT they want to do (career-wise) so it's quite difficult finding anything to work towards

Well we're meeting up tonight to have a big honest talk and I'll have to be brave and say what I really feel, which I find hard especially with those closest to me, which sounds absurd I know. I feel a lot better than I did this time yesterday though, at least I've managed to work out what I do feel with the help from you ladies. I'm a bit of a daydreamer though and have been playing through the best and worst scenarios in my head all morning

Dinah93

Lol his mates weren't even there, they were in a different pub - he just thought it was a place you'd know to get to!

Tete you have shown remarkable support and commitment to him and his goals, you have good taste, I'd put money on him having the same support for you - you just need to voice what you want. I'm sure he feels the same about you, so he's not about to let you go!

Swinstie73

Tete_en_l'Air wrote: »

Swinstie what you say is interesting, about just being happy he's in your life. I have a feeling/fear this is OH's stance with me, whereas I want more than that. But then what if that IS his stance, do I break up with him on the premise of finding someone who does want what I want, but at the same time risking never finding anyone who makes me as happy? I can't imagine anyone would. It's a depressing thought, but I'm going to try not to think about that til we've spoken later.

Good luck with the talk tonight Tete! And as someone who had 'The Talk' recently it was the worst thing ever but also the best as we are now on the same page i.e. we both want to be together, don't want kids and might or might not get married but I have put my foot down that we will buy a house together (and he is buying me a ring) :j, not sure if it's a committment or engagement ring but that doesn't bother me in the slightest.

Just make sure that if you don't want the exact same things, you can at least compromise, especially if you don't want to lose each other. My OH really didn't want kids (he has an 18 yr old) whilst I was 99.9% sure I didn't, he was so scared though that I wanted kids and if I had we'd have split.

The thought of splitting scared me more, as I might never have met anyone else, if I did, he might not want kids either, I could have one on my own but can hardly take care of myself never mind a baby, or might not have been able to have one - loads of choices but I feel I made the right one, so much so that I'm looking forward to the Caribbean cruise we've booked for next November - all the other stuff with happen when it's right!

Take some hankies - even my OH was crying that night