Some advice re the mother in law.

ariarnia

zzzLazyDaisy wrote: »

LHA for a couple under 25yrs is for one room in a shared house, with shared bathroom and kitchen. If your OH is over 25, then you would be entitled to LHA for a one bedroomed self contained place. It is not possible to get a 'bond' where you are living now and use that to find a room in another area because LHA is decided on a regional basis - there is an upper limit, and if you choose to rent somewhere more expensive you must find the difference yourself (you can find LHA rates by googling 'LHA and the area to wish to move to). In any case in order to apply for LHA you need a tenancy agreement or written confirmation from the landlord that you are a tenant. Also, LHA doesn't cover bills.

I was under the impression that as a couple it was automatically 1 bed self contained?

ariarnia

My psychologist advised when I get stressed to write a letter.

I guess that's kind of what I did in the first post, but it seems so cold just to write it and leave it some where for her when I don't think she thinks there's a problem and I'm always in the house when she is anyway.

Part of the problem is I don't have anything out side the house atm other than job seeking which means I might be focusing too much on things that aren't important. I know that which is why I wanted to ask other people what they thought.

My OH's lovely but typically agrees completely with me when I vent at him and is reasonable with the MIL when I try (not pointedly, but I do try) to drop hints). :rolleyes:

He's also awfully helpful and honest. in that infuriating way that means diplomatically white lieing a situation in order to introduce a topic doesn't work at all. he keeps remindining me of the thing I 'forgot' and wanted to ask about. :rolleyes:- can't think of an example but you know the kind of thing I mean?

ariarnia

I need to go to bed if I'm going to be any good in the morning for anything. I'm supposed to be doing a load of baking as MIL wanted some cake for the weekend but I don't know if she does now she's got the creams - don't think real cream will keep to weekend so will prob make it anyway.

Just wanted to make last post as I clicked stumble to think about something else (before climbing those steep creaky stairs to the attic:p).

This came up and made me giggle.



Then again, I do have an odd sense of humour.

moiramber

It sounds like a horrible situation to be in, heres what i'd do if it were me and OH

Both get jobs - Anywhere, Mcdonalds if needs must!!!
Get a private rent - This should be easily affordable if both earning!
Give your cat away if you can't get somewhere that takes a cat! Seems silly to stay with your MIL just because you can't find somewhere that takes cats!

I realise how hard things are but I don't think I could spend one more day living there if I were you. I'd much rather be working in macdonalds and living in my own space.

Good luck whatever you decide

BitterAndTwisted

I think what I'd do is just budget for the food-bill ignoring any possible contribution from MIL so if she chooses to buy cream cakes and tins of soup instead of her £40 a week contribution, there's no issue. I can feel a visit to the Old Style board coming on

nervousftb_3

is it only me that thinks the whole situation is pretty unfair for the MIL?! to be honest OP you sound pretty ungrateful - you are living there rent free, and yet you are charging her for the privilege?! £40 a week for food is an awful lot, I spend around £30 a week on two people. i'm sure it's not easy for you living in cramped conditions with your MIL and OH, but if you don't like it, then you have to move out.

also, this line from you:

"...and paid over £6000 pounds in rent alone with her full knowledge and appreciation when her son graduated and didn't want to go home"

what has this got to do with your MIL? you were subsidising your OH, NOT your MIL, so to say that the fact he lived for free with you somehow means you get to live for free with her seems pretty unfair to me. your OH is an adult responsible for himself, your MIL doesn't owe you anything.

on the other hand, i can see how annoying it must be for her to bring food home when you have already cooked, and this needs to be dealt with in an adult way, just sit down and talk it over with her.

brians_daughter

if you cook things like lasagne, spag bol, chilli why not do a big cook day? cook loads for the week, pop in seperate containers and freeze? She comes home, decides what she wants - microwave for 2 mins..alls sorted. If she gets paid monthly take what you do for food off her at month pay day and budget accordingly- she can spend what she likes out of what is left

And.. TBH..as much as you may not like this... if you are living there rent free and using elec, gas, broadband etc she will be paying additional council tax as she will no longer get single person discount etc(esp if JC wont let you claim JSA i assume you are not getting CB benefits??) then she is subsidising you and your oh's living expenses...and then you are taking money off her while you cook i dont think you can complain too much. If things cant improve then move, but i doubt you will find somewhere thats free to live and will let you take your cat.... but you will be without MIL..

shellsuit

The MIL pays you £40 a week which is quite a lot for one person, and you get annoyed because she might snack?

She's paid for her share of the food so she has a right to snack if she wants.

As for her coming home with pizza when you had already cooked, why didn't you just plate her meal up and leave it in the fridge for the following day, then it wouldn't have gone to waste?

If the woman wants to buy cream cakes, she has every right to, and I know you are annoyed that she hadn't paid you, but if she pays you, cook for her, if she doesn't pay you, don't cook for her.

I would just cook for her anyway as she's providing you both with a roof over your heads and paying the bills.

If she's not home when you cook, then leave hers on the side.

If she expects it early, just simply explain that it will be ready at 7pm as usual.

I couldn't live like that, no chance!

Marcheline

Your OH has it good, doesn't he? You're getting all stressed and he's not doing/saying anything about it?! Although, I think you sound a bit ungrateful, I'd be saying to my boyfriend: "you're going to do all the cooking, cleaning etc while your mum acts up/turns up late etc..." You'd soon see him talking to his mum about how to resolve the issue!

Gillianh2

Just a thought, but why not do the shopping with your MIl with your meal plan. That way, she gets some input in what you are cooking and she can pick up what she fancies as well.