Newbie, sad and lonely

timmmers

Here is a plan that WILL work in all areas.

You are on a downer. Obvious.
You will stay on a downer because you have lost your self respect (and that of others in your mind's eye).
You will be alone like this as long as you continue to think in the same manner.

Drink is a temporary and dangerous solution, drugs ditto.

You need the root cayse fixing. You need to get out and DO something that will help you build up both your own self-esteem and gain the respect of others. In short you need to stop allowing things to spiral downwards, and go out and improve life.

Get a newspaper, have a look for a martial arts club near you.
Pop round and chat to the instructor and maybe watch a little while.
The type of art doesn't matter so much but boxing and thai boxing tend to attract very aggressive types so maybe not great for you right now. Judo, Aikido, Taekwondo, and Karate (traditional) would suit best ...Aikido is gentle and ideal.

Join and get in the routine (with all the other beginners) for a few weeks. You will have something healthy to do, it will make you feel good just getting out anf excercising. You will come to a point where you can be graded..and have to work towards a standard. It is well within the ability of anyone to pass these exams...but when they do they feel some degree of pride that they did it. It's hard work, and they did it on their own essentially.


If you stay and enjoy a club, there is almost no way you won't make good friends, you are too close to each other and going through the same thing not to become mates...and honourable behavious is the main rule of any martial arts club so you won't make enemies.

There is always a social side to sport and martial arts usually have a pretty good social life...trips and demonstations, pub after training, simple stuff. Nice though.

I ran Taekwondo clubs for years and have seen soooo many people creep in quietly and unsure what to do...the ones that had a go enjoyed it mostly (TKD isn't such an easy art so the physical aspects can make people quit)...a few months later I've almost always seen the same people much happier, arriving early to train and help the new guys who are where they once were. their confidence and happiness follows very closely behind their health and self respect.

It's cheap, you don't require gear to start, and when you do it's not much. The success you have isn't important...you're only there to beat yourself really.
You will beat your current self. You will come home tired and sleep, you will have a social circle who know you only as you are now, and as who you grow to be.

There are obviously other activities, many sports etc. ...but I know no other that offers as much in the way of personal development with so little chance of being made to feel worse. It doesn't matter if you never get to be skilled either. Just that you enjoy it and try to learn.

Every person in a club will remember that 1st day they started...and will understand where you are. They all did it. Everyone starts out a total novice.

Give it a go. You have nothing at all to lose, I have seen literally hundreds of people from kids to pensioners get such a lot out of themselves that they didn't know was there, and end up happier because of it.

As the saying goes you should be thinking "If it's to be, it's up to me".

t

gien

Skintbutsolvent,

I'd echo what's been said already. there's a very supportive group of people over on the debtfreewannabees dairy section in the cutting down/giving up alcohol thread - come over and join us. Lots of advice and support to cut out the drink because it is a very strong depressant.

I can also recommend a book by Susan Jeffers called 'feel the fear and do it anyway'. It really does help you to focus on areas of your life you wish to improve with practical steps to go about it. Also works on self image.

I actually think you're rather a success - you made some hard choices about your job/bankruptcy acing up to a difficult situation and now you go out and do a good day's work for a (small) wage, making a difference where you work. Also you have the courage to look at difficult emotions, face up and ask for help and advice. To stand up, even in a forum, and do that is really quite admirable.

misgrace

Obviously you have some form of depression, whether you need medication for it, or a good kick up the backside I dont know.

But where you go from here is down to you, you need to motivate yourself, lay of the booze and the pills, pick yourself up and get yourself into gear.

Reason I am saying this to you is that I have been in similar situation, I was never bankrupt, but was stuck in a room with no one but the booze and pills.
No one knocked on my door and offered me help, when I realised that the only person that can help me was myself, thats when I knew that to survive I had to kick the bad habits, and kick myself up my backside, which I did.
This will happen to you, but you have to motivate yourself, have faith, and be strong.

I wish you well and am sending you {{{{hugs}}}.

Steel_2

Sorry you're feeling so down about everything. At the end of the day, look at it this way: you have a job. It's not your dream job, it might not be what you are qualified to do, but it pays for a roof over your head and food. You won't be doing this job for the rest of your life. It's just for now. By the way, it's worth popping on over to the bankruptcy board on this forum - they're really helpful and there's loads of people in the same position as you who understand completely what you're going through.

I agree with what others have posted about the alcohol and drugs possibly disrupting your sleep - I very rarely have even one glass of wine in the evening because I know it makes me wake up numerous times in the night.

Also agree about St John's Wort being a very good natural antidepressant (maybe also consider a multi-vitamin and multi-mineral if you think you're not eating properly). I took St John's Wort for a period of about a year some time ago when I found myself sliding towards depression (I still do take it most winters for Seasonal Affective Disorder).

I also started pampering myself more at that time - I was being very hard on myself and believed I didn't deserve it. Nothing major - just making sure I had nice toiletries and making the effort to put on make-up and do my hair. It didn't matter if I was only going to the supermarket or to post a letter, I still did it. When you look good you get a little psychological lift.

What sort of plans do you have for the future? For example, if you have some money left over from your wages, why not save for a great holiday next year? Or put the money towards a rental deposit for an affordable one bedroom flat with a garden to sit in instead of the room you currently have. Do you have any hobbies? Check out the local library for books on things you're interested in or see if they have any talks or short courses.

Take care and come back here if you want to vent

skintbutsolvent

Thanks for the replies. I have a 10hr shift today but will read properly and reply again tonight. The long day gives me plenty of time to think about what I might like to do too. I hadn't thought of things like taekwando (sorry sp!) but there is, I think, somewhere very local...

As for going back to uni, I think I would like to do something like Ancient History or similar - my current degree is Modern History,looking at WW1 and how it led to WW2.

Nomoneymummy_2

Hi, how are you doing today?

Just read the thread and hope you managed to get some sleep! Just wanted to point out that although st Johns wart is great (it does work!) it can mess up the pill so if you are sexually active be carefull!!! < all the info on this came out AFTER I got caught out with my DD1 !!!!!:eek:

Doing a job your over qualified for is nothing to be ashamed off, infact you should be proud your working! many would have packed in when feeling low! Also you must be a strong person to have gotten over bankruptcy and all the rest and still be standing!!!

My advice (ok I'm a hippy!!) is to tap back into that inner strength! Its still in there, maybe just hidden a bit! I would speak to your gp about the sleep problem and explain to him/her that you are buying pills online for 2 reasons
1. They can put you on a proper perscription if needed
2. they can check that their is no underlying cause and give you peace of mind.

I do only sleep 3/4 hours a night though this is by choice at the min, so if your feeling refreshed and ok of that don't feel to bad, the 8hrs gov rec is only a guide line, some people need more some less!!

I would agree with people saying to join a club or similar as a way to reach out and make friends, unsure where you live but near me local community centres run lots of courses from Reiki to knitting to martial arts so there is always something to grab your attention, most info will be in your local library btw!!

Other than that try to keep your chin up!!! Its hard and scary to be out there on your own and all though we're only people sat behind keyboards we are there for you!!!

Good luck!:grouphug:

Kimitatsu

skintbutsolvent wrote: »

Thanks for the replies. I have a 10hr shift today but will read properly and reply again tonight. The long day gives me plenty of time to think about what I might like to do too. I hadn't thought of things like taekwando (sorry sp!) but there is, I think, somewhere very local...

As for going back to uni, I think I would like to do something like Ancient History or similar - my current degree is Modern History,looking at WW1 and how it led to WW2.

If you have an interest in history why not join your local historical society? it would get you out meeting a new set of people, ones who know nothing about you so you can tell them as much or as little as you like.

I realise that you feel embarrassed about your bankruptcy but being honest in this day and age there is very little to be embarrassed about. so many people have debt issues now days but no one talks about it so it is percieved as not the norm.

Trust me it is SO much the norm!!

If you ahve gone from a highly paid but stressful job to a low paid but no stress job then you are also missing the human contact side of things. Uni sounds like a really good idea, you could drop your hours so you could still have an income (dont know when you were last at Uni but I was suprised when I went back that the norm is 16 hours a week of teaching :eek:) and you would have a circle of friends.

As has been said alcohol disrupts your sleep pattern something chronic as do sleeping tablets, excercise and getting out in the fresh air will help.

Good luck

choille

St John's Wort is great, but does interact with many medications & if you are taking other pharmacuticals consult your doctor. I don't think it would be safe to take it with the sleeping tablets - you would need to check.

hellnearth

I worked abroad as a teacher for 20 years - now I work part-time as a meter reader and have just been offered 10 hours a week as a cleaner. Have opted to live in a remote area so you have to grab any work that you can.
I'm sorry that your family don't approve of your choices but I'm sure, like me, you appreciate being able to switch off from the job at the end of the day.
You might just be living in only one room, but you are not in the street :T I think you've done really well to get started up again, with work and a roof over your head.
Do you have any hobbies or could you take up a new one? I do a lot of needlecrafts and found a couple of groups here when I first moved. It's a good way to meet like-minded people. Look in the local papers and on the net.

zippychick

Please be careful taking zopiclone. They are highly addictive. What strength are you on? You have had some really good advice so far.

Do not be ashamed of cleaning in the slightest - you are brave and courageous to have came through bankruptcy.

If family reconcililation is a no no, then you have a clean slate. Exercise is really key and the endorphins are invaluable. I need to take my own advice there.

I take zopiclone sometimes for a medical condition (and i also have massive sleeping problems) so I do know what I'm talking about. My doctor is even reluctant to prescribe them for a period of 4 weeks. I do worry about you buying them online.

have you looked for social groups in your area? I know how easy it is to drink to blot things out. I really do .

Well done for realising you have an issue and speaking out here. You will get lots of help

Where abouts in the country are you? xxx