Newbie, sad and lonely

skintbutsolvent

Hi, I am sorry but this will probably get really boring.

Back in June 07 I went bankrupt and told no one. I left a high paid but high stress job just before going to court and it all went smoothly. Since then, well I have an okay job - I'm a cleaner - but at 33 I am living in a room. I have very few friends and am not in touch with my family. Without debts, my NMW income seems huge, but I spend far too much of it on alcohol and even sometimes buy sleeping tablets, just to block out the world. I feel a total failure. I am clever, have qualifications, but am cleaning loos. This sort of led to my falling outwith my family as they thought I should aim higher (they don't know about the bankruptcy). I just don't really know wht to do

skintbutsolvent

Help????

BitterAndTwisted

You are not a failure! Going bankrupt and doing it all on your own, telling no-one is one of the bravest things I have ever heard of. That you're currently not doing a job that's appropriate to your talents, education and experience speaks volumes, it really does.

Hold your head up high and be proud of yourself because you should be. If you were my daughter I'd be proud of you but I'd also feel terribly guilty for not being there to support you when you needed me. I think being candid with your friends and family about what has happened and what you've done all on your own might not get the response you expect or fear

mumslave

hiya sorry to hear things arent so good just now. Sounds to me like you are stuck in a rut and have gotton yourself depressed. I would suggest the first step is going to your gp and telling him or her how you are feeling, a short course of anti depressants may help pick your mood up a bit and the gp will also be able to advice about the drinking (drink/depression is one long nasty cycle to get into).

After you have done that, I think you need to look at what you would like to change about your life and take some action. Have you got some hobbies you could find groups to attend? Interested in any studies (night class/weekends) ? Sports that you enjoy? Try to find something to do with yourself that isnt self destructive and means you will be getting out there and meeting folk. Isolation is hard enough as it is, without the long winter to worry about.

Have you kept quiet about the bankruptcy because you carry some sort of feelings of shame, or just that you prefer privacy about it? You could try telling your family, then they may be able to understand you a bit more.

Thats about it, from what I can think of, but just cast your mind back to how things were before the bankruptcy...if life is better now than it was then, you should feel proud you were brave enough to take the steps you did...and do the most you can to enjoy the life you have now.

fsdss

i think a visit to the doctors might be a wise move for you, just to help you come to peace with yourself and have a bit of support

skintbutsolvent

Thanks for the replies. I have tried the GP but I score too low on their charts for depression, and I don't really want antidepressants either, but the longest I ever sleeep in one go is about 3hrs. I bought zopiclone online (yes, I know its dangerous) and in spite of the side effects it was worth it to be 'stoned' if not actaully asleep. I forgot to say, I actuallu ove my job, its others who don't think its good enough for me. My family have no intrest in my life and I have no friends near - I ended up moving away.

jennihen

Is there no-one in your family you could turn to - if they knew you were suffering I'm sure they would come running to help and support you.
I had a very candid discussion with my brother this time last year. He knew he needed help but he had left it too late and died a few weeks later of liver failure due to alcoholism. He was 37. I would have done anything to help him.
If that shocks you I'm sorry but you have posted how bad you feel so I beleive you really want some help to change your life. Keep posting - I'll stay on-line
JH

BitterAndTwisted

Please be careful with these online drugs, some of them aren't even what they're sold as so you're taking a number of risks.

I used to work terribly long hours in a high pressure job a while back so I can appreciate what a blessed relief it must be to be doing something completely different. Just look on it as a temporary respite until you want to get your career back on track.

Now, what are we going to do to help you expand your social circle? Got any interests?

mountainofdebt

OP

Don't tell anyone but, due to circumstances beyond my control, I'm in a job that I'm overqualified for as well but ITS A JOB!

I know hun its hard - especially when people look at you as if you haven't got a brain cell - but chin up, there is light at the end of the tunnel.

thb, I confessed tomy mum a year ago that I was in debt, far more than anyone knew, and I can't believe how beneficial it was - I didn't have to pretend that everything was OK and it was someone I could talk to about the problems I was having.

I was feeling down a couple of days ago and caught the tail end of a radio programme on happiness of all things. One of the things people on there said that they keep a graditude diary - and it made sense to me.....yes life has been a b!tch to me this year (quite looking forward to 01/01/10!) but on a scale of 1 to 10 I have a lot to be grateful for.

Perhaps this might just be the first stepping stone for you?

foreign_correspondent

skintbutsolvent - what area are your qualifications in? You have a head start on many, you are working, and there is no shame in being a cleaner.

However, if you aspire to do something different, maybe now is the time to start making some plans.

I am sorry you are feeling low, but remember, this too will pass...

mumslave

I think you might need to see a different GP, there is no real scale for depression, insomnia is a main sign of it. I think your self esteem is just on the floor, i know anti d's dont appeal to everyone, but they are short term, not necessarily long term.

In regard to the insomnia, I have suffered on and off since i was quite young and i dont know if the following really helps or just makes me feel more in control, but if i am having a bad patch, I will drink cammomile tea, its a very mild natural sedative, 30 mins before trying to settle off. I also use aromatherapy oils, lavender and roman cammomile in the bath, and a drop of rosemary (good for depression) on my pillow at night. Smells stronger than vix vapour, so literally only a drop. I also find it can help to keep a diary, and write down everything thats on my mind, so that its not keeping me awake. If you do think you could keep a diary, next time you see your GP, you can then show him or her it, i think you must be very good at hiding your feelings, to have coped with so much by yourself. The diary could help your GP see a side to you, you may feel unable to show.