Need a shoulder to cry on

tandraig

mouche - just read all the posts - and just want to wish you and your OH good luck. I sincerely hope that everything works out for you - this country desperately needs people like you two!!!
I no longer take a daily newspaper as I was getting too aggravated and stressed by the obnoxious inaccurate reports and (fairy)stories in them. and i dont miss it at all!!! I also limit my tv news watching too - for half hour in the morning and maybe ten minutes in evening! too much doom and gloom - which when you are depressed or stressed does NOT help!
may i suggest you destress by having a bit of pampering? doesnt have to cost much - some nice bubbles in bath, maybe a pedicure (perhaps OH can help here?) or if you have some spare cash a nice relaxing aromatherapy massage ( or i really recommend reiki - as i am a reiki healer and know how relaxed my clients get).
keep us posted mouche - we are all rooting for you i know!

mouche

Thank you all for your support. I haven't posted recently as there was no update to give. The HR of the new employer has apparently applied for the certificate of sponsorship but says it may take upto 2 weeks to come through and that he will be very lucky if he can start work this year. I don't know why it would take that long as everywhere I look on the internet, it says it can be done in a day. But I guess we can't exactly accuse the new employer of lying.

Someone suggested we ask the old employer not to inform the home office but unfortunately, my husband left on rather bad terms (his redundancy came out of the blue) so they were unlikely to take any notice if he had made such a request. Today (the day before his birthday), the P45 has come in the post and it gives his leaving date as 24th October - which means at least one branch of the government will know that he is unemployed at the moment. Hopefully Revenue and Customs doesn't talk to the Home Office.

I hate all this paperwork and red tape. And the financial side of it is starting to bite as well now. Luckily I get a good salary and we have savings intended for a house deposit. But we really don't want to touch the deposit money (most of it is in fixed accounts anyway) and the 'spare savings' are quickly disappearing. My salary can cover rent, bills, groceries etc. but there's nothing left over for anything. Every sandwich I buy for lunch at work (rarely, but can't always get a packed lunch organised), every coffee with friends (again rare) is coming out of our savings.

On top of that, husband has invited 3 couples for his birthday party tonight. He cut the guest list down from 18 for which I am grateful but I resent all the food we're buying for them as I know where the money is coming from. We were expecting husband to get his final salary in Friday but it didn't come through so that's a chunk missing that I was expecting.

I want him to have a nice birthday and I'm taking him on day out tomorrow using my squirrelled away secret savings but I guess because I'm not as sociable as him, I resent the expense of the party. I feel horrible for feeling that way especially as we do have money in the bank. It's just that's it's earmarked for a deposit and we almost had enough. But then if we can't stay in the country I suppose saving for a deposit is a bit meaningless - still can't bring myself to spend it though!

Sorry for the whining. I truly am less depressed than I was - I think it was PMS making me so weepy and stressed. Hope so anyway. And thank you for all the support and suggestions. I can't tell you how much comfort it gives me that people out there care.

jellymid

Hi Mouche. Thanks for the update. Sorry to hear that things aren't moving along as quickly as you had hoped. I guess you must feel that almost everything is outside of your control at the moment and that is always so difficult to live with.

I understand your resentment about the money issues. It's always hard to eat into hard earned savings, but I think in the big scheme of things, you should maybe look at it as a necessity for this month, just to get you through to the New Year. Try making a conscious decision that this is an important and necessary step for your own sanity. If this reduces your stress levels it will be worth it and you will be able to make up the savings very quickly next year, when hopefully your situation will be much more stable.


Hopefully just getting things off your chest by posting on here will help you to feel a bit better.

Be kind to yourself,

Jelly

PS I don't think I'd feel much like partying if I was in your situation but I expect your OH is just taking his mind off things.

mouche

Hi Jelly...you're so right. I'm helping no one by agonising over the money situation and we are in a much better position than we could have been so I really shouldn't be giving myself grief over it. You're right - thank you. Sometimes it takes someone else to say it to see what's blindingly obvious.

My husband is a dear man but unlike me he is a very happy go lucky person. He is worried about the situation but prefers to look on the bright side and therefore sees no reason not to celebrate his birthday. And he's right really - it's just that I'm a champion worry wart! Even my friends call me the doom-and-gloom person.

I should just focus on the positives:
we are still here
no one has asked us to leave yet
we are not down to our last groat
I have lots of lovely friends offline and online (I hope I may call you friends)
and my husband is making a super Chinese meal for tonight followed by pecan pie with ice cream

I feel better already!

whitewing

I may have to come over for the meal; I love Chinese, and pecan pie. You must NOT let the current events spoil his birthday. Birthdays are special. Enjoy yourselves, and take the advice above about viewing using your savings as a necessary step.

jellymid

Glad if I've helped - even in a little way. Enjoy the pecan pie (yum) and try to leave those worries behind for a couple of days. You deserve a bit of fun!

ljbnotts

Ah I really hope it all works out for you and you get your visa to stay and be happy here. No advice to offer just good wishes to you both!

jellymid

Hi Mouche,

Just wondering how things were going?
Hoping for good news for you soon,

Jelly

LydiaJ

Hi mouche

Hadn't seen your thread before but just wanted to add some more good wishes from another indigenous white British person. The couple over the road from me are Indian - they sound rather like you - they work hard, they speak English and they're happy to make friends with white people and any other colour people too. I like them, and the others in the street like them too, and it's never occurred to any of us to feel any differently about them because of where they come from.

Also, I have some American friends who've had a bit of a nightmare with some visa problems. They came here on his student visa, so she was his dependant and got a job to support him through his course. (They're in their 40s - he's a mature student.) Now he's finished his course and got a job they needed to transfer to being on a working visa in her name, with him as her dependant. It's been a lot of hassle, and at one point they had to go to America and back for no reason other than visa box-ticking, which was NOT what they needed because she's heavily pregnant. However, the good news is that it's all sorted now, and I really hope it will all be sorted soon for you and your husband too.

mouche

Hi all...sorry I haven't checked back in here for a while (thanks for bumping the thread and reminding me jellymid) - there wasn't any news to give really. We still haven't received the certificate of sponsorship and my husband hasn't been able to contact HR to see if there was any progress. The immigration advisor told us the only reason it would take so long was if the employer had paid for the certificate by cheque rather than credit/ debit card.

Aaaaaaaah....why do they have to do everything the slowest way possible when time is so tight?! The offer letter to my husband says they don't think processing the work permit will take more than 3 weeks so they expect him to jin in 4 weeks. Well, it'll be 3 weeks tomorrow and they haven't even got their own part of the process done let alone the Home Office part.

On top of that, the earliest 'priority' date for visa processing (in person on the day as opposed to posting it off) is 8th January. Our immigration adviser says it'll be better if we apply by post because it's been more than 28 days already since his last working day so the 'get out' letter could come anyday. If the application is under process (as in the Home Office have received it), we don't have to leave but if we book in for the 8th and the letter arrives, we will have to leave.

So we're just hoping we get the certificate this week and can send off the application early next week. My husband has written to his new boss to inform him of the situation so lets see what he says.

Lydia, I can sympathise with your American friend - especially going through so much stress when she's preganant. We've actually put off having a family for this reason - we're waiting till we get permanent residence because it would be impossible to just up and leave with a small baby. But I will be well over 31 by the time we get PR so I worry sometimes that we're taking a risk by waiting. Still, 32 isn't that old to be a first time mum is it?

P.S - whitewing - the pecan pie was rubbish! It was absolutely scrumptious when we did a test run the week before but on the day it was not very good. The Chinese was delish though