OberonSH's DFW Diary Thread - 1 Woman, 1 Toddler & A Whole Lotta Debt!

QueenB.

Maybe you should experiement and see if burying a bailiff in your garden affects the taste of home grown veg.

OberonSH

Judging by the look of the himbo I got today, my veg would come up 3 times the size of the others, with a browny/orange tinge. It would probably muscle the other veg out the way, too.

You have to feel sorry for the bailiffs really though. Much maligned, it's not like you can wander into a party and tell people what you do - 'I threaten people in a totally legal way for a living', and so spend your life relegated to the kitchen with the local mp, tax man and other social lepers.

Bunny

I love reading your blog, makes me laugh and i hope you have a better day tomorrow, enjoy your wine!

**purpleprincess**

Awww, what a good thread!!! This has really made me chuckle!! xx

lynzpower

Oberon surely you should be adding the food safety inspectors to your patio body count?

Ill give you a clipboard for you to dig the hole with if you need it?

heroicnich

Hi OberonSH,

Like your other adoring fans , I'm loving the thread. And I'd definitely concur with the idea of writing and making your well-deserved millions... don't forget, a woman who blogged about being one of the 'invisible' homeless while living in a car has just got a book deal: http://news.bbc.co.uk/1/hi/magazine/5029984.stm

Also (god love auntie beeb) the BBC actively try to seek out new writers:
http://www.bbc.co.uk/writersroom/

As they say, they "accept and read unsolicited scripts for film, TV and radio drama, and narrative comedy" and there's free script formatting software on there too.

Hope this is useful and good luck! Nich x

In_Search_Of_Me

There you go girl. The people have spoken so write you must but you cant go all tempremental, arty fary on us and you MUST remember us when you're rich & famous!! Hope you dont feel too pressured to creative witty missives each day for us though!! No more bailiffs today I hope? Hope today was better than yesterday...big hugs!

OberonSH

Yup, no bailiffs today, though should I get the threatened phone call tomorrow morning the Plagues of Egypt will look like an overcast day in Grimsby compared. I shall rain curses of boils and pestilence upon Rossendales, verily, my wrath shall make them quiver behind their Warrants of Distress; they shall wail and gnash their teeth and plead unto me 'Please don't sue us'. Plus I'll be pretty peed off.

I did however call Satan's Hotline regarding the VAT bill, and how I owe the £150, not £800, and they said that's fine, send your return with payment an we'll say no more about it. So that's okay then. I'm deregistering anyways, cannot be done with the hassle. Besides, I feel every time I have to deal with those people my soul gets just a little more tarnished...

Pretty good day at shop, experimented with DD in terrys, went well, except the wraps I have are a leeeetle too snug. Poor little thing was def. doing the low slung nappy look. So I'm logging onto Pitter Patter Nappies to get some more wraps. She has such a cute one with cows on it. Awww, she has a pretty bottom. As the council only bother with my bin every other week (so it seems) I'm tired of filling half a wheely bin with nappies, knowing they're not going to break down.

Treated myself to a nice bottle of Rose wine, and am settling down to possibly begin The Book. Since you guys suggested it, it's been whizzing around my little head. It is actually an idea I had a while ago, but not thinking I had the talent to do anything abut it. Well, I can but try, and if it gets rejected, never mind, I'll publish on a website somewhere for all to jeer at. If it goes big, then I shall cast lots of pretty people to play us all, and David Tennant as my love interest. Or maybe Orlando Bloom. Hmmm, decisons, decisions..... I shall then employ Gordon Brown to clean my house, and make him wear a bunny suit whilst scrubbing the loo. You can all come and watch if you like.

I submitted my claim for Housing and Council Benefit today, every little helps, and entitledto.co.uk says I should be able to get something. I mean, we're getting by atm on about 175 a week for everything, which doesn't leave a lot to live on when I have £12k personal debt. Their promise is 'We'll sort your cliam in 10 days' but as the Gov. is on it's usual form, the nice Council lady said actually it's more like a month.

DD starts nursery one day a week as of next Tuesday - I'm going to miss her like mad that day, but she needs other kids to play with. She still refuses to pick up bad habits like swearing and throwing blocks at the postman, so in desperation I'm sending her off to see if she can't at least contract fussy eating or at the very least some low level hairpulling. It's going to be a bit strange - not spending half the day bent over picking up various items of stock that she's decided would look much better on the floor.

Well, I'm off for a bath and some thinking. I may watch Zombie Honeymoon, but I'm a bit of a scardycat when it comes to scary films. The problem is I live next door to what sounds like a herd of constipated elephants, but in actual fact seems to be 2 women (Could be the elephants cleverly disguised - well, not that cleverly, took me a month before I realised they weren't men). Last thing at night they stump up and down the stairs, and it sounds like someone's breaking in through my patio doors. Add a gory movie to the mix, and you have me hugging a pillow with the bedside light on.

So hope all my ladies and gents have had excellent moneysaving days. I'm off to bathe in Perrier Water, sipping champagne and calling for David Tennant to come and do my back. Arty Farty? Moi?

OberonSH

heroicnich - read the Wandering Scribe homeless book deal thingy - seemed a bit strange that she was living in a car yet was able to afford brie and stuff for tea, refused any help from the authorities and mentioned she'd love to get a book deal in the first month. Just struck me as odd. Maybe it's just me.

CosmoCat

brilliant......as always! :T