OberonSH's DFW Diary Thread - 1 Woman, 1 Toddler & A Whole Lotta Debt!

whatamess_2

OberonSH wrote:

Thanks whatamess, I find it quite calmng to jot as well. Now I'd like the swahili for the following, if you could:

1) Crawl into a hole and die, scumpig (For both Ex & VAT man)
Tambua kwenye shimo na ufe, nguruwe.(wote aliyekuwa mumewangu na mtoza ushura)
2) I dont want to pay my VAT, because Gordon Brown is not a nice man
Staki kuripa ushuru kwa sababu Gorden Brown sio mtu mzuri.
3) How is your pet prostitute?
Vipi mfugo wako muhuni?
4) Give me all your £2 coins
Nipe mimi zote paundi fako mbili
5) I'd like 50 kilos of anthrax please, to go. No, no fries thank you. But go ahead and supersize meNungependa kilo hamsini za sumu tafadhali, kwenda, hapana,hapana chipsi ahsante. Lakini endetea na kunipanua.


The lovely lady at work translated for me and did read it out but boy is it hard to repeat.

OberonSH

You absolute star!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

You get nominated for £50 post of the month for enabling me to insult the VAT Officer without being put in a small room with just an accountant for company as punishment.

After me, boys and girls........ Tambua kwenye ...........

whatamess_2

That would enable me to up my offer to ss from £0.53 to £50.53:rotfl: :rotfl:
Havent read all of his diary was off line for a while so found it to late. Do not fancy going through all of those pages.:eek: Just picked up from where it is now.
So glad I found yours:T
As a lot of others have said take up writeing you are brill.
Excuse the spelling should really be in the land of nod:D

Add Tambua kwenye ... on to the bottom of a letter to the vat man:rotfl:
They will think they have won you have gone nuts!!!:rotfl:

Knowing your luck it will be a swahili speaker who opens the letter and has you done for racist comments!!!:eek: :rotfl:
Messy

MCBIRNIE25

Haha, i am saving those phrases, how useful they will be in the jobcentre i work in.:D and not just on the management.
Now let's think of some more useful swahili phrases.....

ZTD

OberonSH wrote:

Their promise is 'We'll sort your cliam in 10 days' but as the Gov. is on it's usual form, the nice Council lady said actually it's more like a month.

All that promise means, is that they will put your claim in alphabetical order within 10 days.:rolleyes:

In_Search_Of_Me

How you doing Mrs? V.cute image of DD wandering around with wet nappy!! Sounds a real sweetie and so good that she likes to help in the shop! So how did chapter 1 of the novel go my dear?!! I always wanted to write a book but could never decide what to write about!! As for the Gov (who I work for!!) surely you didnt believe the "we'll get back you you within timescales" did you!! BTW isnt David Tennant gay?!! Love the image of Gordon doing the loo and must watch when you get that one off!! (ooo that souded ruder than I meant to!!)...Off to hunt down [STRIKE]an MP3 player[/STRIKE] a facepack!!

Molanole

I can't believe I've missed this thread up til now! I shall be printing it off for my tube journey home! Oooh, excited now. :j

OberonSH

Evening ladies & gents,

Not a bad day, I seem to be the only one in our row of shops doing mariginally better at the moment. My 'daft prices sale' is bringing in 40% of my sales at the moment, and is clearing valuable space. Some things that were marked up at £3.99 etc have gone in my £1 bin outside, and to be honest I've had some stuff for that long it's just a case of get rid. I want the space for lovely droolsome new yarns, and money in the till is better than stock sitting on the shelves for years. It's also bringing people who wouldn't ordinarly come in, and then they spend more whilst in the shop. Brilliant, and much less mess than going out into the street with a tazer, herding them all inside. Apparently this sort of sales technique is illegal

Ebaying all my piggins, and did a really nice tea for DD - Roast Chicken Dinner Casserole. Sounds gross, but is very nice. Basically left over chicken, potatoes, carrots, onions & cabbage bunged in a casserole along with some garlic and the juices left from chicken, in a slow oven for 2 hours. That £1.50 chicken has fed us for 4 days, that bird shold be proud of itself. Course, it messed up my meal plans, but tomorrow I get my spanky veg box, so will be doing a fresh one.

Paying £100 off my suite today, as this week My Godsend (The Amazing Viv the Childminder - also makes laundry and dirty dishes vanish, but thankfully not while wearing spangly leotard) is on holiday, effectively saving me £50 on my weekly day out to fight with my plastic elves.

Wondering about changing my name when my divorce comes through - may just stick a pin in the phonebook! My maiden name was actually my ex-ex's, so not too fussed about that, besides, having a double barrelled last name makes getting a table at a restaurant round here a bit easier. (The SH stands for Sto-Hellit - I challenge all you literary types to spot where it came from. First right answer gets a mention in The Book). What do you guys think?

Right, I really am off now to get my tea, and a bath, otherwise they'll find me weak and smelly slouched over the keyboard muttering 'must post to MSE, must....post....' and that's not a good way to go. Hope we all had a great day, and that we're all happy chappies looking forward to DFD.

OberonSH

Hey fishy, DD's 'helping' is destroying stock, moving stock, eating stock and then deciding to remove her clothes in the haberdashery section. Def. one for the 18th birday bash - 'I remember when you used to strip in the middle of the shop!' 'Oh Mum! I was only 1.5! 'No, it was last week....'

No, I didn't believe it for a minute, thought it was quite amusing though, and it would account for the harrassed looking members of Local Link scurrying around looking murderous. Of course, you are more than welcome to come and watch The Great Money Demon getting my U bend all sparkly. Dependant on the outcome of my next VAT return, I may or may not provide him with a toothbrush. And if it comes to over £500 he's going to be doing it with his tongue. I hope he's quaking in his (no doubt expensive) boots.... Fear the wrath of the small business-person, for soon our day shall come.

Blasphemy!!!!! Oooh, you......blesphemer you. The lovely Doctor isn't gay, he's dating that woman who played Mme De Pompadour a few episodes ago. Course, that's until I work out where she lives......... he will be mine, oh yes, just as soon as he lifts that pesky restraining order.

dottyanne

Hey You!!

Just thought i'd have a sneaky look and catch up on your thread!! I have amazingly sorted ALL my debts onto the PC (and backed up on my pen drive - of course) into excel - both business and personal. now i ask - what to do with them - obviously i could update them weekly or each time something is paid - what do you suggest obi?? Business was ok my end too except ppl just keep paying on those blasted cards (takes days to clear into bank!!) damn it!!

Hope youre well and hugs to the sprog mi dear!!!!!!!

byeeeeeeeee

dotty xxxxx