OberonSH's DFW Diary Thread - 1 Woman, 1 Toddler & A Whole Lotta Debt!

Emmy_L

just wanted to say thanks for a great read
its taken me a few days to get through all the posts,but have had a good chuckle at some of the things written!

dottyanne

Mornin Obi, once you get the as* wipes address, make sure the creditors are aware, joint debt, joint responsibility. And give his details to the CSA too - hes got away scott free or so he thinks.....good possibility the new g/friend hasnt got a clue of the debts etc he's walked away from.

x

moneymabel

oooh you've found him- well done!!!!! Best of luck to you whatever you decide to do to the scum sucking fuppin pillock!

OberonSH

Okay guys, feeling a bit calmer, and able to post.

I've sent the last few days getting in a right state. Kind of like this:

ANGRY OBI: Argh!! How dare that saggy assed foot-faced freak go and have a life, and co-incidently his new missus sounds just like me, and the new kid's name isn't a million miles from the daughter he abandoned!!!

ZEN OBI: So what? Just proves he realised what a huge mistake he made. Nowt to do with you now - get the address, get the papers in order and get him out your life

ANGRY OBI: He has no right to get a life. He hasn't even had the grace to lie down and die.

ZEN OBI: Not our problem, Angry Obi. Have you taken your pills today, cos I think someone's got a case of the grumps....

ANGRY OBI: I'm going to make his life a misery, then I'm going to chop of his balls with a rusty spoon....

ZEN OBI: No, because we don;t care, do we? We have our happy family, we have a shiny new hubby, and we don't want the stain on our spotless karma, do we?

ANGRY OBI: Yes. Yes we do. Worth it to make him see how hard juggling a shop, debt and a baby was. Want maiming.

ZEN OBI: No maiming. Bad Angry Obi. No maiming. We'll get the inof we require. There will be no discussion, no negotiations. We will get what we want, and he can go on his merry way.

ANGRY OBI: Bit of maiming?

ZEN OBI: No. Now take your pills and I'll strap you back inot your nice white jacket.

So as you can see I'm all over the place. Get really shakey when I get an email. I want the info, but somehow don't think it'll be easy. I think it's worse that he's now got another daughter, named something similar to DD, and the new missus sounds suspiciously like me...

So moneywise not fantastic, bought the kids some clothes, me some socks and him some pants, nthing out the ordinary, but not done my clicks or anything, just haven't wanted to switch on the pc!

Has anyone else experienced anything similar? Just want to make sure I'm not going barmy. The current thinking here is that we get his agreement, go straght for adoption and then hit him for the debt once it's through, keeping CSA as a bargaining chip.

On a happy note, DS had his frs day at nursery today. Phoned at lunch, he's happy and smiley and eating a banana. Shoud have been a working day, but a friend has been let down by her ex on childcare (Angry Obi - leave those straps alone) and so I'm entertaining a small child until she finishes her graduation ceremoney.

So today tip is based on the recent discussions on the Diary of Doom. Get a diary - tricky part way through the year I know - and use it to write down everything. Everyday write down your to do list, any numbers you need to call, and put in any bills you need to pay etc. Then you don't waste time hunting for stuff. Put down whos in and out for tea, and you can then plan menus accurately. Write down when direct debits go out, so you're not surprised if they go out a day before you're paid. You'll find it becomes a godsend, especially if you need to look back and see what day you did something, like call th bank etc. Give it a go.

elantan

yes i have had very similar experiances to you ...not with ex oh's but parents inlaws etc ...took me years to work through to be honest ....the idea of a diary is a good one to start on maybe need to go find me one now ...infact i think i do have one started using it even but somehow that fell to the side need to get it back out i think

Emmy_L

been there and done similar with an ex.I got dumped with the baby,cause he 'wasn't ready' only to find out my DD#1 had a sister 11 months younger than her.
apaarently he couldnt cope with that one and ended up with someone else with a ready made family.
I was gutted,angry,hurt on my DD's behalf...all sorts.
But I'm married now,with a few more kids,and I'm happy.
Took a while,but i got there

boredofbeingathome

Glad you have calmed down..as revenge is a dish best served cold. No consolation i know, but my friend was married to a chap, had twins..and he ran up every bill under the sun..he was loaded as well. she left him and divorced him only to find she was his third wife and he had two other children, and one whilst married to her. He moved from country to country, worked in IT and everytime she got an attachment to earnings he !!!!!!ed off to another country.He never paid a penny towards his kids...and when i say he was loaded, well his mother had properties in Kingston upon thames, and when she died it was split between him and his sister and he was on 100k salary 10 years ago..so there are some absolute barstewards out there..who need to face up to their responsibilities.

Gina_of_course!

Obi - be heartened by the fact that you are experiencing very normal feelings, plus logical Obi knows the best thing to do...

Its so normal to feel hurt by his actions even though you too have moved on now and have a lovely equal relationship with a man who loves not only you and your son but also loves your little angel too. Something that him who has no morals or ethics has lost out on and will continue to do so.. being a sperm donor means so little compared to being a dad...

I never had children. ( I lost a little boy at 5 months gestation) and can honestly say when my now exhusband had a baby girl with the tart who let down my gender and they proceeded to call her by the name myself and him had always said we would call a baby girl if we had one, I was floored..... cried like a baby myself.. I'm well over it now... but at the time it felt personal.

Good to know that your son had a good 1st day at nursery.. one less worry for you

OberonSH

Hi everyone

Thanks for the kind words. It's great to know I'm not the only one who gets mad about this sort of thing - I don;t even know why I'm bothered; if he turned up on the doorstep asking my forgiveness & another chance, he' get shown the pointy end of a big stick, but it does still bother me that he didn't just go and live in a hole.

I've had a steady stream of emails from the Sack of Festering Pus, and he's being very reasonable, polite and in fact completely unlike the toerag I married & divorced. Hmmm. He's either had some extremely heavy duty therapy, or they have him on some very good brain candy.

But the good news is that he's playing ball - he has no problem with the sdoption (and lets face it, he'd be hard pushed to have an objection) and is not going to put anything in the way. Even went as far as to compliment Mr Obi and his parenting skills. Angry Obi is a bit disappointed to not have a good meaty fight, but on balance all seems well - lets just see how well he reacts when I ask him for his half of the debt.....

Moneywise been really bad recently. Tax credits have given us a couple of extra payments, and instead of paying off some littley debts, we slipped into getting a tenner here, a tenner there - you know how it goes. So from today, there will be no ore of that. There was some essential spending - pants, socks (I swear, the Monkeys REALLY DO steal my underwear while I sleep) but I have to admit to a lot of 'what did we spend that on?' spending. Although I defend my decision to buy a Yankee Candle electric plug in thing. There's a funny smell in the house, I'm susicious that DD has split her milk somwhere and not told me, and I prefer the smell of Clean Cotton to Dead Animal.

So I hope everyone has a lovely cheap day, looks like it's brightening up outside so am off to put some clothes out.

Todays Tip: Always have a packet of UHT milk in the cupboard. This morning I went to the fridge, and the milk is yoghurt (even though it's been in the fridge, and was fine yesterday). It guards against those 'run out at 11pm, nothing in for breakfast' crisis, and unexpected thirsty visitors.

boredofbeingathome

That's a good tip as i always have UHT in to make yoghurt..maybe i should just leave the milk....

Good news on the adoption front and as you say maybe you will be able to get the rest out of him.