advice about splitting up please!!!!!

thorsoak

I would pay your half of the loan to his parents directly - and get them to give you a receipt each time, for your solicitor.

You need this man as much as you need a hole in the head! You are 29 - I can understand that you don't want to be a single parent - but there are worse things, I can assure you. Find yourself a good solicitor - go to the CAB and ask for a list of those who take on divorces - and ask around - make sure you get someone who is totally on your side and listens to you.

Good luck!

onetomany

sounds like he wants his cake and to eat it hun, you can get whant is call a crisis loan , but i would wait and see one my first marrage broke down i went on is etc and got help with housing costs (i had 1 kid), when i spilt up with my (now husbond) i did get is because i got csa and i had 2 boys, so really all depends on weather your going to work part time etc get some legal advice hun then book in with a benifet adviser to see which way you will better of good look and keep smileing hun x

zoesmummy_2006

oh, well it gets even better now. he's called me today and said that he wanted to tell me before anyone else did, but that he went on a date last night-the blonde in the car-and that they've decided to see how things go. that they've been talking this week (despite him being with this other girl up til tue!) about meeting up etc and last night was the night. i'm now resigned to the fact that i dont actually want someone who can treat me like that, and that he and this girl (she's 23) deserve each other as only last year she was engaged to one of our friends and the X had to go help our friend get the car he bought her back when she ran off with another bloke!!!!! he's seriously screwed up and will end up very unhappy and alone, whereas i will now be dignified and rise above this and raise my beautiful children alone safe in the knowledge that what they need i will provide!
the thing thats grating me the most is he says all i'm interested in is money-yet i have told csa that we're sorting it out amongst ourselves and haven't had a penny off him since he left!!! he's the one asking me to pay my half of the 2 big joint debts which i'm more than happy to etc as they are part mine, yet i havent once asked him for anything, not a penny, and i'm the one who's only interested in money! what a joke!!!
I have put my foot down and told him that she is to have nothing to do with the kids until i decide that i'm happy to have her introduced, meaning they have to be together a good few months or more as i'm not having him introducing women to my kids on a whim. Plus i now have to look to buy all new stuff to set up house with eventually as he has her at the house at the min, i'm sure, cos i called him for daughter to say goodnight and he was definately very funny.
he's behaving like a child, when i tried calling him last night he had 5 missed calls on his phone, turns out he'd left it at home so that he didnt get any aggro from anyone while he was out on his date with her!!! i flipped and told him that he's a parent 1st and foremost and he needs to start thinking about that, and that he has to be contactable 24/7 incase of an emergency with the kids. he's selfish and immature and showing his true colours now. funny what people tell you after all this, my cousin says her hubby saw him with someone in his lorry a couple of weeks back, which explains a text he sent me which was obv in error. and apparently the girl from last week was at the house, despite him telling me he didnt take her there, she's admitted it to her sister. he just lies constantly.
his parents are very disappointed in him. i spoke to them earlier and told them that no matter what i want our relationship to continue just the same, that i love them and they'll always be welcome in my home and can see the kids and me whenever they want. and his mum said that to her i'm the daughter she doesnt have and that i'm a fantastic mum and my children are a credit to me. but i know that he's their son and their loyalty will always be with him no matter what he does and i expect nothing less.

Keeping_Motivated

Awe I'm sorry he treating you like this but if its going on then tis best you know so you are not buildinbg false hope.

Keep a diary regarding money, think back and write down everything about money since you split ie how much you have given him and the nil amount he has given you and then keep updating it as you go along so you have a log to show him when he starts about money and you have a log for any legal issues that may arise.

He is manipulating you saying you are only interested in money, he is saying it as he is obviously panicking that he will not be able to afford his single lifestyle, well tough his children come first. Everytime he says you are only interested in money just repeat the same thing 'only what me and the kids are entitled to and nothing else and I will not let me kids go without just because you have seen out your father duties to always be with your kids'. Don't take him on, its his anxiety not yours let him keep it, you have enough to worry about.

MrsE_2

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

he says that if i just pay him the £200 a month towards the loans then we can leave it at that and he'll start paying me support for the kids when he's got his money situation sorted.

:eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek::eek:

Don't pay him a penny & screw the unfaithful git for every god damn penny you can!

I can't believe his nerve:mad:
You are well rid;)

MrsE_2

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

the thing thats grating me the most is he says all i'm interested in is money-yet i have told csa that we're sorting it out amongst ourselves and haven't had a penny off him since he left!!! he's the one asking me to pay my half of the 2 big joint debts which i'm more than happy to etc as they are part mine, yet i havent once asked him for anything, not a penny, and i'm the one who's only interested in money! what a joke!!!

He's trying to double bluff you.

Tell him he's dead right, all you care about now where he's concerned now is £££, get the CSA to nail him & leave any debts in his name to him;)

Revenge can be a sweet dish:D

zoesmummy_2006

thats the thing, his work is crap at the min, i still have acess to the joint bank account so can see that he's earning a lot less that he did at the min, which is why i'm happy to pay for my part of the debts and i've said ok to him not paying towards the kids til he gets himself sorted, but that could be ages. so far I have given him nothing, though when i moved back home CB went into the joint account and then a few days later my final JSA payment did too and i left them to help cover bills. oh my god, i also leant him £30 2 weeks ago to get gas/elec and dog food which he's never given me back either!!!!!! and i'm the one only interested in money!!!!!

lilmissmup

Awww hun I am sorry he is being like this.

You are right he will end up alone and unhappy eventually, you need to be the stronger one in this.

I am recently single although no kids involved, don't let him mess with your head, he might try it in a few months time.

MrsE_2

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

thats the thing, his work is crap at the min, i still have acess to the joint bank account so can see that he's earning a lot less that he did at the min, which is why i'm happy to pay for my part of the debts and i've said ok to him not paying towards the kids til he gets himself sorted, but that could be ages. so far I have given him nothing, though when i moved back home CB went into the joint account and then a few days later my final JSA payment did too and i left them to help cover bills. oh my god, i also leant him £30 2 weeks ago to get gas/elec and dog food which he's never given me back either!!!!!! and i'm the one only interested in money!!!!!

Seriously tell him the money goes from him to you, not vice versa;)
Tell him being unfaithful is very expensive;)

Keeping_Motivated

zoesmummy_2006 wrote: »

thats the thing, his work is crap at the min, i still have acess to the joint bank account so can see that he's earning a lot less that he did at the min, which is why i'm happy to pay for my part of the debts and i've said ok to him not paying towards the kids til he gets himself sorted, but that could be ages. so far I have given him nothing, though when i moved back home CB went into the joint account and then a few days later my final JSA payment did too and i left them to help cover bills. oh my god, i also leant him £30 2 weeks ago to get gas/elec and dog food which he's never given me back either!!!!!! and i'm the one only interested in money!!!!!

Get yourself a little book and log every amount and date or he will run rings around you, it sounds like he has become very selfish and to avoid his guilt he is trying to reflect it back to you. Don't accept his emotional baggage you have enough emotions going on of your own at the minute.