Am I being realistic?

Eli_2-2

Right before I get into the SOA, I will give you a bit of history, not that I want anyone feeling sorry for me, just so you might understand...
Mum killed in car carsh when I was 6, bought up but abusive father until put in care at 10, spent 6 years in and out of childrens homes/foster parents.
Met ex husband at 20, divorced, lost home by 28, but had lovely daughter.
Met another man straight away, rebound, but security, until I found him cheating, had to sell home, then just came out of another 4 year relationship, and yet again am I going to put my 11 year old through another move?
I have moved 8 times since she was born, guilt is how I feel, verging on a failure, and she is the only thing that keeps me going atm.

So the question is can I afford to stay where I am?
I will live on baked beans on toast if I have to, she loves this house soooo much.
Month....
625 rent
80 council tax
15 mobile (they wont let me reduce yet)
44 water
50 electric
36 gas
14 bt These 4 are high because my ex has up and left, all bills in my name, he WONT pay half, hes a nasty piece of work, so this is the DD amount they have arrange for me to pay it off and up coming bills.

11 tv licence

20 aol I dont go out, I have no life, this is my sanity!!!!

47 car insurance Ex is on it, policy wont let me take him off, well i can but wont get reduced, it is high cus he has been banned, done for dangerous driving ect (memo to me, DONT get involved with nasty men)

15 contact lences cheaper than buying glasses upfront, Ive got astigmatism, so there more expensive than norm ones.

45 car tax/tyres/mot/maintenance (i work 5 miles way, drop daughter off at school at 8.50, start work after driving like Mansall at 9)

30 clothes/school trips/other

This is the good bit...
160 per week take home
40 per week child maintence
I have just had my child tax cradits of 10 per week stopped cus ive gott to put in a new claim as a single person
I have put in a claim for housing benifit.
I have a OD of £1000

It is a 3 bed house.
I just want my daughter happy, I wouldnt care if I end up in a B&B, but not my daughter, I had 6 months off when I had my daughter, I have worked all my life, dont I deserve a break!!
I know im better off than most, I look around the world and see REAL hardship, mine is a drop in the ocean, BUT.....

I am on the council waiting list

Please any advice would be great, and i'll try not to take straight forward stuff to heart, but im delicate, just was crying my eyes out earlier on my daughters bed clutching her teddy bear, feel ive let her down soooo much.

xx

kickingkay

sorry i posted some thing and it dissapered so try again
you have not let your daughter down! you fight provide and love her. it was you who were let down as a child tiem and time again, you are doing the best you can but as for himn quick get him off your insurance asap the inland rev will want to know why he is still on them change everything over in to your name only otherwise they will think you might be still together trust me i had mine stopped a while ago for this very reason we split upi etc gets very scary and you have to prove he lives elsewhere!
as for the rest some clever clogs will be along and help
t c lots a hugs klare xxxxx

twink

lots of love and hugs from me eli i am not usually on here am to be found on os board anyway the only thing that ocurred to me was maybe a nice lady lodger you can get just over four thousand a year without having to pay tax but you will get plenty of great advice here

OberonSH

For a start you haven't let her down. I felt the same way when my DD's dad left us, but you're a strong woman, and you can do this. Ex has left you in a mess, but here you are looking for help and a way to sort it, and by the looks of it you've already started looking at reducing this that and the other.

Well done. Your life starts now, love, and I really feel for you.

Right, down to business. I'm sure the others will be along in a monute to help out too, you've come to the right place for support.

1) Have you applied to council for single person discount yet? Not a huge amount, but every little helps.
2) Your utilities look really high, have you checked out USwitch to see if you can get them any cheaper?
3) You cna get broadband cheaper than £20 a month, I've seen it as low as £12.99.
4) Can you not just switch your car insurance instead of taking him off?
5) Not sure of the address, but there's a site where you can check what benefits you're entitled to, make sure you're getting everything you are entitled too.
6) This is one for the future, but as you have a spare bedroom can you look at a lodger or housemate to help with the rent?
7) Ebay & Amazon are your friends. I've cleared out my ex's stuff and made £80 over the weekend. Get DD involved and have a big clearout and spring clean. It's very good psychologically too. Imagine you clearing out all the negative stuff he left behind.
8) Moneysaving Old Style is excellent for cutting houshold bills. Mealplan, and then get what you need, not what you want. Try using stuff outt he freezer, you'll be amazed how long you can survive.

And most importantly..........

9) Make yourself a cup of tea, and tell yourself well done. You & DD are going to be absolutely fine, and hey, you may even get a kick out of seeing how little you can live on. Don't cry any more, everything is going to get better from this point on.

Love Obi xx

Ember999

Please don't cry honey, reading your post you seem like a wonderful mum who has always put her daughter first. Wish I had been lucky enough to have a mum like you. Kids don't care about 'stuff' they care and remember how much they were loved, hugged, talked to, listened to etc. You have each other and that is so precious. Glad you are rid of the scumbag. Men like that you don't need but rest assured, they are not all like that! You'll find a nice guy one day. :grouphug:

The financial experts will be on here to help soon, just wanted you to know that I have read your post and am thinking of you.

Hugs from Scotland,

Ember xx

littlejaffa

Do mind me asking what do you do for a living? Do you work p/t?
For a f/t wage your take home is below minimum wage, also as a single parent working you should be claiming wftc etc
Also personally think your rent is waaay to high - you don't need a 3 bed a smaller house/less rent could mean less financial stress on you and more cash to spend with daughter.

MinnieSpender

Eli - a massive hug to you and thank you for such a brave post.

Firstly, I want to say that you have certainly not let your daughter down. Your love and concern for her shine out from your post and I'm sure she knows how much you care. Dry your eyes, because you've come to the right place and you're not alone.

Does your landlord know your situation? Would it be possible to sub-let a room in your house to help you out a little bit? I realise that may be difficult as you have a little girl, but maybe renting out to a female student would be an idea. Students probably wouldn't want to commit to a place long-term, so if it doesn't work out, at least it's a short-lived thing while bringing a little extra cash in while you're waiting to hear about your housing benefit. And it would be a bit of company for you if you choose the right lodger.

On the subject of lone parenting, have a look at the Gingerbread website: http://www.gingerbread.org.uk/. There's a link on there for their helpline and they might have some useful information for you.

I'd also contact the CAB - they can help you figure out how to obliterate the ex from your life and your finances and will give you some advice on any benefits you might be entitled to.

Chin up, chicken. The only way is up.

Spirited_2

How much do you spend on food for you and your daughter?

I only ask because otherwise it is difficult to see the scale of the problem. I know that you are desperate to keep your home, and I realise that your daughter is attached to the house, but at the end of the day it is only bricks and she is more attached to you. Is it really realistic to be spending £625 on rent when you are living on an income of £800? I know it's difficult.

Check that you are getting all the benefits that you are entitled to. Try and increase your income, in the short term you can sell unwanted items through ebay and amazon. Having an eleven year old girl probably means that there are things that she has grown out of or tired of which can be sold. In the longer term, you really need to see if there is something that you can do in your spare time to earn extra money - whether it is ironing for neighbours, writing for a local paper or walking an elderly or ill person's dog.

Just remember that the most important thing your daughter has is you, not things. My husband and I rent a pretty two bedroom home in a nice area with a garden (we have pets) for £525. Loosing your current home doesn't mean you'd end up in a B&B or some squat. But you might get by with the house if you can increase your income.

Is your overdraft an arranged one? Un agreed overdrafts can be extortionate, check to see if it would be worth your while reclaiming bank charges.

Kindest regards xxx

nadnad

Eli wrote:

So the question is can I afford to stay where I am?
I will live on baked beans on toast if I have to, she loves this house soooo much.
Month....
625 rent its quite high - I know you want stability for your daughter but would it not be better to move one last time to maybe a 2 bedroom - it would be easier on you financially - if not then could you get a lodger?
80 council tax is this single person?
15 mobile (they wont let me reduce yet)
44 water
50 electric
36 gas
14 bt These 4 are high because my ex has up and left, all bills in my name, he WONT pay half, hes a nasty piece of work, so this is the DD amount they have arrange for me to pay it off and up coming bills. how much do you owe on each of these bills? ie how long will they be that high?

11 tv licence

20 aol I dont go out, I have no life, this is my sanity!!!! you can get broadband cheaper than this tiscali and teso 14.99 I think - look around.

47 car insurance Ex is on it, policy wont let me take him off, well i can but wont get reduced, it is high cus he has been banned, done for dangerous driving ect (memo to me, DONT get involved with nasty men) phone about for a new quote with just you on it, if its cheaper then phone your current insurers and explain the situation - tell them you've got it cheaper elsewhere and you're going to change if they won't reduce it/take him off - they really should reduce it for you - but check elsewhere anyway.

15 contact lences cheaper than buying glasses upfront, Ive got astigmatism, so there more expensive than norm ones.

45 car tax/tyres/mot/maintenance (i work 5 miles way, drop daughter off at school at 8.50, start work after driving like Mansall at 9)

30 clothes/school trips/other

= £1032 per month outgoings

This is the good bit...
160 per week take home
40 per week child maintence
I have just had my child tax cradits of 10 per week stopped cus ive gott to put in a new claim as a single person
I have put in a claim for housing benifit.
I have a OD of £1000

= £866 a month incoming (£200 per week x 52 weeks divided by 12 months)

= £166 deficit and you haven't counted for food so say £120 for food
= £286 deficit.

It is a 3 bed house.
I just want my daughter happy, I wouldnt care if I end up in a B&B, but not my daughter, I had 6 months off when I had my daughter, I have worked all my life, dont I deserve a break!!
I know im better off than most, I look around the world and see REAL hardship, mine is a drop in the ocean, BUT.....

I am on the council waiting list


xx

the house is basically too expensive for you I'm afraid.
any clue when the tax credit will come thorugh?
maybe someone here would be able to tell you how much you'll get, I don't know where to find that out.

biglass

your wee girl is so lucky to have you-she is obviously your priority and keep strong for her.Take a deep breath and don't let the wee one see you cry which is incredibly hard to do when you feel you've let her down- which you haven't-the opposite-you are taking control, so power to you ,girl!! Have a look at "www.entitledto.co.uk" You and your daughter are a team and things will work out.Hugs to you

LookingAhead

Hi Eli.

You've had some advice from some lovely people on here.

I just wanted to say that ok, if you can work it out to stay in the house then great. However.....it does seem to be expensive for you at this time so......if you could look one more time for a smaller, cheaper but still lovely house for you and your daughter, you could make it a complete fresh new start along with your new money saving ways (if you stick with us on the board! Hope you do!).

Also, your daughter will not hold it against you. She just needs her Mummy's love and attention. You can have lots of free or v. cheap fun with your daughter in a cosy new home...there will be tonnes of ideas on here from people if you ever want to ask.

The Old Style board as well helps out with cheap & nutritious ways to feed yourself & family (I am a convert believe me...)

Don't feel guilty if you have to move again. Look at it as the foundations of a wholesale positive change for you two, the start of something really fantastic. :T

You can & will get through this. Look for the positives, especially now you have all the negative 'stuff' behind you from your EX. Well done on getting rid of the 'rubbish' by the way...!

The next person who comes along will have to prove himself worthy of sharing your lives.

Good luck matey and I hope you will stick around.
xxxx