Separated - how should things for the kids be split?

Zoetoes

On Vaio's points - you're right, I can't force him to be reasonable, it would be nice if he did that little bit extra for hs kids to have a holiday and nice Christmas and spend more time with but all he actually has to do is pay chld supports so is doing his bit.

And as someone pointed out I get child tax credit and child benefit for them so maybe I shouldn't have asked him to chip in for the holiday etc

Rikki

It's up to you if he comes round Christmas morning. You are separated he doesn't have to right to assume he can.

RAS

Hi

At a rough guess - assuming £25K income, 3% pension, NI amd 22% tax, he should pay £70 ish per week in maintenance.

If he is not prepared to tell you his income, you may HAVE to go to court to get the information. He will be forced to divulge it when you divorce.

Rikki

Also to say about Christmas, if you expect him to pay towards joint presents then he will expect to be there. You can't have it both ways.

Zoetoes

Rikki wrote: »

It's up to you if he comes round Christmas morning. You are separated he doesn't have to right to assume he can.

I know, part of me is thinking can I sit and enjoy Christmas morning with my kids if he's sitting here watching them open the stocking presents I've struggled to buy and he wouldn't help? But I've got to think of the kids.

If he was decent I would have him for Christmas dinner and let him spend most of the day here but there's no way I'm cooking his Christmas dinner!

Zoetoes

Rikki wrote: »

Also to say about Christmas, if you expect him to pay towards joint presents then he will expect to be there. You can't have it both ways.

I would be happy with that. I just want him to put the kids first. The only reason things are so strained between us is because he doesn't put the kids first, it honestly has nothing to do with the reason he left because that was immediately over once he'd told me and the kids he was leaving. And I am honestly far happier without him.

Fair enough about the holiday but Christmas I really do think he's being unreasonable.

Rikki

zoeleigh wrote: »

I know, part of me is thinking can I sit and enjoy Christmas morning with my kids if he's sitting here watching them open the stocking presents I've struggled to buy and he wouldn't help? But I've got to think of the kids.

If he was decent I would have him for Christmas dinner and let him spend most of the day here but there's no way I'm cooking his Christmas dinner!

When I separated from my ex many moons ago with two young boys. I bent over backwards to make the first Christmas apart special for them. (He did not come round he had the children in the afternoon.)
It was all thrown back in my face during the next subsequent years that made me wonder why I bothered.

He has a new found freedom, which you don't. He'll grow out of it and realise soon.

Zoetoes

I think I will try to have a talk with him and just explain that when he has the kids the child support doesn't come into it, he has to stop being so mean.

I will also try and explain my reasoning regarding Christmas. If we don't sort something out it really will prevent us from ever being amicable.

I will say fair enough regarding the holiday but could he buy the passport sometime before it runs out in April. Maybe he could give the kids some spends when we go.

And oh my god am I going to enjoy that holiday!!

Blackpool_Saver

Father Christmas will now visit the houses separately, in effect kids get 2 lots of presents and can see if one house has less.

I would keep sending the kids with some spending money, yes he should pay but I would rather know they could buy things than not.

Re the passport, uugh, perhaps you could say I will send spending money if you pay half of the passport.

Failing all it's off to court or the csa isn't it?

Zoetoes

Rikki wrote: »

When I separated from my ex many moons ago with two young boys. I bent over backwards to make the first Christmas apart special for them. (He did not come round he had the children in the afternoon.)
It was all thrown back in my face during the next subsequent years that made me wonder why I bothered.

He has a new found freedom, which you don't. He'll grow out of it and realise soon.

His life hasn't changed that much, he's always lived like a single man with regards to his social life, always went the match including European away trips, always spent the whole cricket season at the club. Me being such a mug is the reason I never got any respect.

He hasn't mentioned wanting to spend the afternoon with them, he'll probably be going the pub, he definitely won't ask to have them Boxing Day as there's always a match!

I never really go out but I actually love my life now, I love my job, and there's no atmosphere in the house, the kids can watch tele and go on the computer etc when they want, I can buy what shopping I want! If I wanna buy 2 Ben & Jerrys then I will! ha ha