why ????

shellsuit

Aside from the kids squabbling, you and your OH should be a united front when it comes to sorting out the children, and I don't like the idea of you both shouting "well your kids this" and the other shouting "well your kids that"

I'd kill my OH if he said "YOUR kids blah blah".....even though they aren't his children biologically, he classes them as his own, so they are all "our kids" even though the older 2 have a different Dad.

Daughter shouldn't have written that on her FB page, but she did. One of you (the adults) should have asked her to delete it ASAP.

My daughter is on FB but I'm her friend on it so I can see exactly what is going on. The sneaky thing deleted me a couple of weeks ago, so I told her to add me back ASAP and if she didn't, she could log on and close down the whole account. She soon added me, so I can keep my beady eye on her

Agree with others, if the children are coming to stay with you, then that time is precious so they shouldn't really be sitting upstairs for hours on end.

You're pregnant now, so if I were you I would sit down with OH and sort out between you how it is going to be when the girls come to visit or stay. When you have decided things, sit ALL the children down and tell them how it is going to be, and what you will tolerate and not tolerate.

You're meant to be a family, yet instead, it's like 2 teams battling it out against the other, which is not right.

mumslave

Actually I was brought up with a step mum and her three kids, my parents always left the other parent to deal with their own children, it was never OUR children. That would have just been confusing for us kids as much as other people outwith the family. However we werent treated any differently as a result, just each parent did the disciplining of their own children.

seven-day-weekend

I think his two girls are probably jealous of the OP's girl as she lives with their father and they don't.

daska

seven-day-weekend wrote: »

I think his two girls are probably jealous of the OP's girl as she lives with their father and they don't.

...and he's jealous and overcompensating because she lives with him and they don't.

seven-day-weekend

daska wrote: »

...and he's jealous and overcompensating because she lives with him and they don't.

Probably. .

smartpicture

I don't get why the OP is getting so much grief about the kids playing upstairs unsupervised. As the two younger ones are the dad's, and have come over specifically to have contact with him, then surely it's his responsibility to supervise (ie spend time with) them, rather than leaving them ustairs fighting, swearing, & hitting the OP's 12-year-old daughter, who is quite reasonably allowed upstairs unsupervised on her own?

mrcow

HariboJunkie wrote: »

That comment is far more "troll like" than anything MrCow has posted. Mr Cow has a deserved reputation on the forum for being a very sensible mum.

lol thank you for that (although I don't know if it's deserved!) . I just wanted to add as well that I'm not trying to imply that I have all the answers or that my family are in any way perfect. As i've stated twice already on this thread, relationships take work, parenting (whether to your own children, or to step children) takes time and a lot of hard work. What I have learned over the years though is that in general, the behaviour that you are getting from a child is usually a direct result of how you are allowing that child to behave.

The other thing I have learned is that you can't change someone else's behaviour unless you change yours first. Indeed it's the only way that you can do it. The OP can come on here to sound off by all means, but if she wants to change the situation then she has to first accept responsibility for what has happened, learn from it, and then change her behaviour accordingly to ensure that it doesn't happen again.

The need to set clear and fair rules and sticking to them without yourself resorting to childish and irrational retorts or behaviour (eg. "his children are obviously angels" etc) is absolutely paramount.

If poor behaviour is escalating, then it needs attention and care, not for the adults in the situation to start barking off at one another and going off in sulks, threats of throwing one another out and accusations that it's somehow the child's fault.

You tend to reap what you sow when it comes to general behaviour (obviously I'm not implying that's the case for all children as some will have different needs to others, but generally a parent will be aware of this and will need to dispensate accordingly).

swiss69

On the facebook issue

Despite how easy it as to get round age restrictions to allow a child on facebook, Why would any parent want to help their child to do this? Facebook is an adult enviroment with adult comments and I dont think its suitable for children.

I know someone who is a teacher and receives numerous friend requests of pupils which she obviously declines....She should not be put in that position in the first place as some of these children are ten years old! So I ask again why were they 1. Encouraged to joint facebook and 2. Who helped them to up their profile?

On the oveall issue

When people split up and then move in with a new partner who has children then this is obviously going to have an impact on the children who have lost their dad. Its hard enough for a child to lose that security in the first place without then having to see dad playing happy families with someone elses child. They are then forced to be part of this "New Family" whether they like it or not as dad and new partner want everyone to live happily ever after. It doesnt work like that. Not only that, they are now having to deal with the fact that a new baby is imminent - Just what they wanted I am sure!

OP's daughter probably resents that her mum has got a new partner who isnt her dad (For all we know he could be living with someone elses child so she may be just as frustrated and angry). She probably also resents the fact that she has two children who she probably doesn't like thrust upon her at weekends. She has also got to deal with imminent new baby.

The children whatever their behavious are the innocent victims of family break up and it is the job of the adults to make things easier for them.

Getting angry with Ex wife's etc will not get anywhere. She is proably bitter and again for all we know has a new partner who the kids have had to get used to.

Can you see where I am coming from? Children do not want their parents to split up. The upheaval is horrendous and is often forgotten as mum or dad are "In Love" often forget about the phsycological needs of their children.

In my opinion their dad should spend days with them when he has them. H
e should take them away from the house and spend quality time with them, not just shove them upstairs to play. OP should spend days with her daughter to make her feel special and not being forced to spend time together.

ladypinkof66

swiss69 wrote: »

On the facebook issue

Despite how easy it as to get round age restrictions to allow a child on facebook, Why would any parent want to help their child to do this? Facebook is an adult enviroment with adult comments and I dont think its suitable for children.

I know someone who is a teacher and receives numerous friend requests of pupils which she obviously declines....She should not be put in that position in the first place as some of these children are ten years old! So I ask again why were they 1. Encouraged to joint facebook and 2. Who helped them to up their profile?

On the oveall issue

When people split up and then move in with a new partner who has children then this is obviously going to have an impact on the children who have lost their dad. Its hard enough for a child to lose that security in the first place without then having to see dad playing happy families with someone elses child. They are then forced to be part of this "New Family" whether they like it or not as dad and new partner want everyone to live happily ever after. It doesnt work like that. Not only that, they are now having to deal with the fact that a new baby is imminent - Just what they wanted I am sure!

OP's daughter probably resents that her mum has got a new partner who isnt her dad (For all we know he could be living with someone elses child so she may be just as frustrated and angry). She probably also resents the fact that she has two children who she probably doesn't like thrust upon her at weekends. She has also got to deal with imminent new baby.

The children whatever their behavious are the innocent victims of family break up and it is the job of the adults to make things easier for them.

Getting angry with Ex wife's etc will not get anywhere. She is proably bitter and again for all we know has a new partner who the kids have had to get used to.

Can you see where I am coming from? Children do not want their parents to split up. The upheaval is horrendous and is often forgotten as mum or dad are "In Love" often forget about the phsycological needs of their children.

In my opinion their dad should spend days with them when he has them. H
e should take them away from the house and spend quality time with them, not just shove them upstairs to play. OP should spend days with her daughter to make her feel special and not being forced to spend time together.

I have read this thread from the beginning and totally agree with these comments. WELL SAID.

seven-day-weekend

ladypinkof66 wrote: »

I have read this thread from the beginning and totally agree with these comments. WELL SAID.

So do I, absolutely.