why ????

mrcow

McKneff wrote: »

errr, it was the two girls who were doing the hitting and the swearing:rolleyes:

And who was supervising them whilst this was going on?


By the sounds of it - absolutely no one!

BitterAndTwisted

I don't understand why a petty squabble between a few kids has got all the adults behaving as if World War Three has just broken out. If the adults could just try and stop fanning the flames, I suspect the children involved would have forgotten all about it by now and resolved their differences.

maryotuam

Throwing round blame is not going to anyone any good. Just concentrate on how you and the OH can make it better. His daughters probably feel very insecure because they are not in their own house and your daughter probably feels very insecure because they have been foisted upon her.

You and your OH need to work together and plan fun things that they will all enjoy. You will find info on the internet about step families and there must be some helplines that will let you let off steam and possibly give you some guidance.

The most important thing though is to tell your OH that you will try your hardest to make sure that in the near future you all get along together. Everyone of you have one thing in common....... you have all found yourselves in a difficult situation and you are all under pressure which is probably not bringing the best out in all of you.

But if your love is strong you can get through this. It will just mean a lot of hard work, tons of patience and understanding and a real determination to make it work. I wish you all the best of luck. Things always improve if you sleep on it.

nikkit72

mrcow wrote: »

I'm not surprised those two girls don't want to be round your place.

With all the swearing, hitting, sulking and nasty comments flying around, I wouldn't want to go round there either. It doesn't sound a happy place for anyone, let alone a five year old child to be right now, especially with a step mother who so clearly doesn't like them.

Relationships take work.

I'm not sure where your coming from , and where you got sulking nasty comments from , erm maybe you are there mother ,
the kids were playing the 2 sisters were swearing and hitting my DD that was the 5 yr old btw !! i had to tell her earlier in the day about swearing at her cousin who had come round, and why would they need to be supervised in there bedrooms at 11 and 12 years of age ?
we were downstairs , do you supervise your children 24/7 ?
it is a great place to be here , we couldnt do much to do with the weather, we cant go out much as the youngest is sick even travelling 2 miles in a car,

ive take everybodies comments on board , many thanks

cakeordeath_2

I kind of get the feeling, with you telling us about your pregnancy hormones, that you might feel as though you haven't handled your OH as well as you usually would.

Hormones are a real pain...knowing they're making you loose your rag doesn't help you stop blowing your top, unfortunately.....and even when you think you're okay to talk calmly they often come bubbling up to the surface and make you either burst into tears or get mad! I really feel for you there.

Do the girls often go upstairs together at the weekend? Maybe they really want to make the most of seeing their dad rather than their step-sister and they aren't actually wanting to avoid her but rather the arguements they get into when they're with her on their own.

Do they like baking? Could you perhaps make some fairy cakes together and get dad to help them decorate them or something.

Oldernotwiser

cakeordeath wrote: »

I kind of get the feeling, with you telling us about your pregnancy hormones, that you might feel as though you haven't handled your OH as well as you usually would.

Hormones are a real pain...knowing they're making you loose your rag doesn't help you stop blowing your top, unfortunately.....and even when you think you're okay to talk calmly they often come bubbling up to the surface and make you either burst into tears or get mad! I really feel for you there.

Do the girls often go upstairs together at the weekend? Maybe they really want to make the most of seeing their dad rather than their step-sister and they aren't actually wanting to avoid her but rather the arguements they get into when they're with her on their own.

Do they like baking? Could you perhaps make some fairy cakes together and get dad to help them decorate them or something.

I completely agree with the above. What's the point of children visiting the NRP if they spend the time upstairs on their own?

nikkit72

they dont always go upstairs we do do stuff together it was this once this has happened , and since then my DD has been punished , but have hes?? who knows ??, they do stuff with there dad and me and my kids .

i think its getting blown out of propotion now,

thanks agin for all advise ,

paddy's_mum

Without further information or having been there, how can anyone assume that the children come round to visit Dad but then spend the time upstairs on their own. Isn't the time together meant to be trying to foster a relationship between the children too - especially with a half sister or brother on the way which will make them all blood relatives as well as step-kin.

Every group of children I've ever had anything to do with (nephews, grandchildren, god children, children of friends) usually couldn't wait to get together and out of the reach of any interfering adults - hence the popularity and value to the kids of summerhouses, play tents, keep out notices on bedroom doors and other things of that ilk.

It's unfortunate that the whole thing has erupted into a massive row but it does sound as though everyone involved is still trying to find whereabouts they fit in the family jigsaw, not helped by the fuel of pregnancy and resentment that the OP's daughter seems to be carrying the can while the other girl has got off scot free.

I think I'd let things simmer down and then not have the other (the older) child round until such times as she herself asks to visit - that is the time to explain calmly to them all that spiteful behaviour isn't allowed and that it will not be tolerated.

However, it must be hurtful to have such a comment made about you in such an arena as facebook where (I believe I'm right in saying) people who know the poster may be able to identify who the comment referred to. Having said that though, show me a group of girls of that age who aren't giggling together in the corner one minute and pulling each other's hair out the next!

Most children, I suspect, would have got over their snit by a day or two later and it does make me wonder why the elder girl wants to keep the argument going despite your daughter's apology. Perhaps they'll never become friends whatever you do and your partner needs to think about what to do in that situation. You can't force them to be buddies but equally, it does no good for the girls to see that they are able to create fierce rows between you.

Hope it all calms down very soon. Good luck.

Caroline73_2

At 12 I would expect the daughter to be grown up enough to walk away and not be writing swear words and hating people on a networking site.

My 11 year old gets annoyed by his younger half brother but he just gets of the way when this happens.

Why didn't the OP's daughter deal with the situation at the time and talk to her mum and step dad?

swiss69

Why is your 12 year old on Facebook? I thought it was for adults?

His eldest probably hates your daughter and you because she is at that age and in her eyes you and she have got her dad.

I think being a bit more understanding would be more helpful than critising his children on forums like this.