why ????

nikkit72

here goes,

about 2 weeks ago , my DD was upstairs with OH 2 girls (11 &5), well sometimes they have enough of each other and get on each others nerves , well my DD was on the computer at the time on her facebook , and wrote something like:
these !!!!!**s next to me are doing my head in they are swearing and hitting me, i hate them ,

well none of them came to say anything then on the monday hes ex emailed him and said my DD had wrote this and we checked , and hes ex said hes 2 girls would not be coming around here the following saturday , anyhow he went round as usal to collect them , the elder one said she didnt want to come and at her age (11) prob doesnt want to keep going to her dads as i know kids get to a certan age and just dont want to , any way the younger one was ill so she didnt come round ,
anyhow my DD apologised to them 2 to what she said and deleted it , i know what teenage girls can be like IFYKWIM.
Anyway he went round this morning to collect them , the 10 mins later comes storming in to the house and said 'guess what ?' they aint coming , and its all because of your DD , i said , dont put all the blame on her , why dont you stay round there and stop blaming me and my kids for your kids not coming round , or why the hell why dont you take em to ur brothers if they really dont want to come round her , i also said , why isnt youngest DD coming i can understand the elder but the younger no , he said she follows her sister , year right thats why a few weeks ago the younger one came round without the elder as she was off somewhere with friends !!!!.
I also said who said they werent coming round because of my DD , he said they didnt actually say my DD was reason but was obvious !!!!

Now i am up stairs as he wont even speak to me now , i am so upset this is going to cause such a rift in the house now ,,

oh and ofc hes girls are angels !!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! NOT, they were doing stuff to my DD that day by hitting her and swearing at her ....

I dont know what to do, if i wasnt pg , i would tell him to get out and find somewhere else to live and be happy with hes two perfect children

Sorry so long i am so angry .

maryotuam

First, give yourself time to calm down. Nothing was ever resolved when people are very emotional. A proper discussion to work out what this is all about can only take place when you are both calm and sincerely in the mood to make things better.

It's not easy to mix two families together. Both of you chose each other but the girls didn't. I bet ALL of you are decent people deep down and it's important that you actually imagine what it's like to be in the position of each other's daughters. You need to look hard for their good points so you are giving them a fair chance and are not prejudiced against each other.

You and he are the grown ups so it's up to you two to agree to really make an effort to see the kids good points as well as the bad.

I think you would both benefit from some family counselling because it is so hard to disentangle all the emotions. I hope someone comes along with some good info for you.

What I find works when I have an argument is to apologise for "my part" in making things worse (which isn't saying the other person was totally right and I was totally wrong) but helps to diffuse the situation and leaves it open for future discussion)

If you promise him you will try and really listen to his point of view first and then hope he will listen to you.
Good Luck to you all!!!!

stokefan

how olds your daughter?

and i agree with the poster above let him calm down, it must be hard for hiom not seeing his kids, and he cant lash out at his ex (sounds like shes a !!!!! ) so its you who gets it in the neck.
dont let it get to you (unless hes allways like that) as hes upset, and its just a reaction to put the blame on someone else.

nikkit72

DD is 12 and half ,

stokefan

nikkit72 wrote: »

DD is 12 and half ,

its very unfair that you fella is blaming her then, (i was expecting about 16)

let him calm down, then tell him you need to chat about this, and perhaps have an in depth conversation about it, explain that it aint good going in moods, and that it isnt good for your dd, seeing him like that either, try not to argue about it, (i know, easier said than done).

nikkit72

yer true,

its even harder being nearly 6 months pregnant too , hormones all over the place, i am one of these people who keeps things in for a long time and then all comes out in 1 go , my DD has gone out and sleeping round fiends tonight so maybe we can talk later. we'll see what happens tonight , been sat up in bedroom for last cpl hours , crying on and off ,

cakeordeath_2

I would think there is probably a lot of jealousy on the part of his DD towards your DD, for one thing your DD is slightly older and in an 11 yr old that alone is something to be jealous about, but more importantly your DD lives with the other girls' dad and that is going to be very hard for her. This is bound to cause all sorts of friction between them and for you and your OH to be drawn into the bickering is going to fuel the fire and be seen as point scoring to the girls. I also think that the 5 year old will do what she thinks her big sis wants.

Obviously neither of you want to see your girls hurting, so tempers will flare as you try to defend your kids. If you both can give each other a little space to calm down and then maybe suggest that you arrange to take the girls out together or do something downstairs together so that when they do come round to see him, he is actually spending the time with them rather than leaving them alone to spend the time with your dd, winding each other up. (don't say that last bit to him like that though as it might sound accusing, which is the last thing you need at the moment)

If you did have something planned then it would give the girls a reason for wanting to come round, it's possible that would just rather stay away, if all they're going to do is go upstairs to play.

Your daughter did apologise which is a good step forward and as she seems to listen to you, maybe you could explain to her that it is a bit tough on the other girls to only get to see their dad at weekends and that you want to try to do things all together and ask her if she can support you with this idea.

mrcow

I'm not surprised those two girls don't want to be round your place.

With all the swearing, hitting, sulking and nasty comments flying around, I wouldn't want to go round there either. It doesn't sound a happy place for anyone, let alone a five year old child to be right now, especially with a step mother who so clearly doesn't like them.

Relationships take work.

stokefan

mrcow wrote: »

I'm not surprised those two girls don't want to be round your place.

With all the swearing, hitting, sulking and nasty comments flying around, I wouldn't want to go round there either. It doesn't sound a happy place for anyone, let alone a five year old child to be right now, especially with a step mother who so clearly doesn't like them.

Relationships take work.

read it again before giving your clouded judgement,:rolleyes:

mrcow

I did read it - why would a five year old want to go somewhere where they are so obviously unwelcome?

McKneff

mrcow wrote: »

I'm not surprised those two girls don't want to be round your place.

With all the swearing, hitting, sulking and nasty comments flying around, I wouldn't want to go round there either. It doesn't sound a happy place for anyone, let alone a five year old child to be right now, especially with a step mother who so clearly doesn't like them.

Relationships take work.

errr, it was the two girls who were doing the hitting and the swearing:rolleyes: