Is 43 too old for a baby

Aliss08

Hello all,

I've been lurking on this forum for a while and have to say that you all seem like really "normal" decent people so, if possible, I would like your unbiased opinion.

I won't go into detail as to why I am now thinking about trying for a child but let's just say that my circumstances have changed recently and for the first time in my life I can put myself first. My husband and I have been together for nearly 20 years and we have both suffered a lot of heartache over the years. We are both only children and have lost our parents. Firstly would it be right to have a child who would have no immediate family except for us? I worry about the baby's future if anything were to happen to us although I have a very good friend who I know would be there for any children that did come along in the event of our deaths. I'm not at all materialistic so would be happy to leave work to bring up a baby and just have one salary.

I could go on and on but I'm sure you have the jist of my dilemma. I really would appreciate any unbiased opinions.

Thank you

gymfiend

My parents had a baby at 43, my gorgeous little sister. My parents also had all 3 of us children without any immediate family around, there are lots of what ifs in life and if we stopped our lives for them all we'd never do anything. They're so happy they had her when they did, they've plenty of time for her and a lot more patience than they did when they had us at a younger age. Granted, she was unplanned, but the joy she's brought to us all and to my parents especially as they've more time now, is unbelievable.

Good luck

MrsTinks

Is it too old? No not really - but there ARE increased risks to you and the baby that you need to discuss with your GP
If you are worried about the "what if's" - my father has a son who is about 6... I'm nearly 30... Dad... well into his 50s. His main worry is not being around when my brother is older... when my brother is 20 dad may not be around any more. But there is a world of difference between 43 and mid 50s
More and more people have children later in life - infact I think there is a huge gap between those having them early and those wanting to create financial stability and possibly a career before having children. I had my baby girl at 29 earlier this year and I was about the only one in my age bracket having my first. There were plenty older and a LOT under 20 having them...

If you both feel ready and happy to have children then go and speak to your GP to discuss it.

BTW we have family but none of it in this country... I'm honestly not sure who we'd ask to look after our girl if anything happened - it's something we've discussed several times but need to decide on so it can be put in our wills for the worst case scenario...

mark55man

My mum had my little brother when she was 42 - and he's alright - he's grown a bit mind, and is now 6'4 and built like a brick ... wall (and that was over 40 years ago)

there's more of it about than you might think from reading the magazines - and just think - they will be empty nesting you just as you reach retirement age sounds like a great plan

fletch3163

Hi there

I'm 43 right now and My Goodness I couldn't imagine having a baby now. Was exhausted first time round 12 years ago .

I'm from a huge family of 10 and made a conscious decision to have only 1 for all sorts of reasons (financial, emotional, practical) and am, in the main, glad I did.

There are thousands of women in this world who have babies at 43 (and older). If you want it badly enough, do it. Take your folic acid now though, before you start trying. Visit your Dr too because you'll need support.

Don't whatever you do choose not to do it for anyone else's reasons. It's about you and your husband. I do hope you decide yes and I do hope you're successful. Good luck

emlou2009

my nan had my auntie when she was 44, there were 18 years between her and my mum! said auntie is 40 now. back then, my poor nan spent the whole of her pregnancy being told that her baby would almost definitely have downs because of her age and similar things, but she was fine. she has never said she was particularly more tired after my auntie than she was after my mum or anything. the only thing was that because of her age, the pregnancy took a lot more "goodness" out of her body than it would a younger woman, as a younger woman would be able to replace it better, and her teeth fell out/rotted away a year later :eek: so definitely see a dentist before going ahead!!

lolababy

Hi go for it. At the end of the day nobody knows what is around the corner. Two friends of mine had babies late on and one of them was 46!.

glossgal

My personal opinion is that it maybe is too old for a first child-but then I'm not a baby person anyway!

If we are talking just the age then I think it ultimately depends if you're a 'young' 43 or not IYSWIM? My OH dad is a pensioner, had him in forties, and without meaning to sound rude but he is an 'old' seeming pensioner and often gets mistaken for his grandad. I know it caused him lots of embarassment growing up as dad was old fashioned, didn't want to do anything active with him etc. He also ended up an only child due to the wait, again something that made him quite isolated.

ChrisCobra

All im saying is i wouldnt want to be 59 when my kid turns 16.

The "enjoyment" years of your life are gone when you should be winding down.

Valli

Wouldn't it be lovely if EVERY baby born into the world was a wanted baby...
I was an older mum - not that old but still...
yes they're hard work, expensive, etc etc but I wouldn't be without my two.

No one knows what the future holds.
As long as you have written a will and appointe dguardians you will have done all you can.

Best of luck with it

nearlyrich

My mum had my brother at 42 but at 48 myself I am glad my two are in their twenties rather than toddlers or teens. Only you can decide what is right for you and your DH, whatever you decide I hope everything works out for you.