A Fool and Her Money- CAFCGIRL's Debt Diary

scottishspendaholic

Good luck for today CAFCGirl - am thinking of you. Please let us know how you get on.

scottishspendaholic x

CAFCGirl

Well................
The saga continues

Did pretty ok last night, tried to occupy mind with other things, kind failed toward the end, but did fall asleep somewhere near 11.However...........
woke up in cold sweaty panic at 3:43 am and just could not get back to a decent sleep! Just dozzed.

So got up at half 7 thinking I'd give myself plenty of time in case I needed to sit down or something, tried to think of lots of different things but it just wasnt happening. Came down from my room at about 8:20

MASSIVE PANIC ATTACK
on way down stairs, shouted to flatmate between hysterics who called ambulance as apparently I wasn't looking the right colour!Noone looks good blue!

Paramedics turned up, didnt really do anything, just kept telling me to take long deep breaths, took about 35 mins to stop heaving like a junkie. Flatmate called manager told her that the para's were there, panic attack etc, apparently she sounded very shocked!

She told her I wouldn't be coming in.
Anyway para's left, wasnt really much they could do, flatmate got freaked though, bless her, and phoned my doctors.
Anyway appointment this avo and I ended up with locum bloke!
My normal doctor is a woman!!!!
Anyway had already written list of symptons etc like Ihriam (sp?) mentionned, only to forget it!
Anyway started out ok and then just fell apart, alas no tissues to hand, so he had to buzz someone!

He seemed pretty nice about it, well just not horrible really.Told me lots of people experience it blah blah blah, I shouldnt feel guilty, stress at work. He's prescribed me some mild anti-d's but said if I didnt want to take them I could stick with homeopathic (I'd taken all my other pills to show him) and take St Johns Wort. Still not sure what I'll do on that front........
Showed him my rash, got some cream for that, thinks its triggered by stress as it seems to inflamme when I'm anxious.

And then that seemed to be about it. So I asked if there was any chance I could have a doctors note because work are refusing to pay me now, and the whole disciplinary thing, if I dont have docs note, it could look like I just didnt wanna go through guilt etc.
So he said (in quite a rude way) that I can be signed off for as long or as little as I want. So I'm now signed off until monday next week. I think it should be ample time for me to have a few days, get back into eating more rythmically, take some time for self. Then one week back at work and then I've got a week of holiday.

Have now got to break the news to my manager who I'll call at some point this evening, am also going to get my sick note photocopied, because I know what HR are like, they'll lose it and not pay me, and I just cant afford that!

So now I've got my prescriptions, sitting back at home, bf has just rung to check on me after he'd text and I replied with the abbreviated version.

So now have just got to call manager at some point today, and I know I'll have to face the music with the whole disciplinary at some point but I just dont think I can cope with it now.

I'm annoyed because I wish I had gone and got it over with, but I barely managed to walk to the doctors and back, let alone go into work for two hours, then face that and then go back to work!

I guess I should stop moaning, I've made a step!

Iriahm

hey, at least you are home now and getting some help. I know what you mean about keeping all the records for HR etc and you've done the right thing.

I think a lot of your anxiety will be relieved when you go and see your manager, you said before that you had been told no-one was going to lose their jobs etc. Its not going to be pleasant but once its over its over. I've had a disciplinery thing at work and once it was over it was a huge weight off my chest and I could move on.

i'm sure (but not expert) that you are allowed to take a witness with you. Is there anyone who can be with you when you meet your boss?

I'd also make another appointment to see your own doctor when you can when you are not panicking and then talk everything through ...

(((HUGS))) and well done on talking to someone about everything today....it really is a huge step!

gallygirl

Aw bless, sorry the whole day was so horrid. Still, you've been to the doctors and work know that you're really ill, regardless of doctors note.

You should def take antidepressants - that's what they're there for. Just be warned they may take a few weeks to get into system.

hug again x

CAFCGirl

thanks all

I feel so much better for having been to the doctors, and now I've just to try and figure out my coping strategy for situations that are likely to trigger it all again! I.E When the big bad boss man comes down again!

But now lets just concentrate on me, I want to have a few hours or so where I just dont think about it! Good job I've got all week for that now xx

Flat mate is making me fajitas tonight too, bless her

scottishspendaholic

Hi CAFCGirl,

Sorry to hear you have not been feeling well - but I am very glad you have got time off to get your head together and chill out. I want you to have a giant sleep and a lazy day tomorrow - no worrying (I know, easier said than done) - even if you get organised with stuff next week - make sure tomorrow is a chance to get your head together and just catch up with relaxing.

Great idea about going back to the docs when your doc has returned and you feel a bit calmer.

Please don't worry too much about your manager's reaction tonight - she's not allowed to be angry with you for being off sick. The sooner you get a new job, the better. Can we help you with the search? Could you look for a job nearer your boyfriend and get a new scene?

Do you find out what happened at the disciplinary today or could they not have it today as you were off work?

Did you say elsewhere that your diary thread had been hi-jacked? I can't see it anywhere?

scottishspendaholic x

PeachPickle

Hey C

Hope you're feeling better now. My ex used to have panic attacks on the odd occasion, he said they're the scariest things in the world when they're happening, so I really feel for you

So glad you went to the doctor, at the very least you've got an official reason for not going to work for a little while. Hope the pills (if you decide to take them) help out

How did it go with your manager? Like scottish said, she's not allowed to be angry that you're ill, so don't feel intimidated. It's not your fault. In fact, it's partly her fault, so def don't feel intimidated!

CAFCGirl

Thanks all

Scottish- Im sure it was a few pages back some weirdo posted some cr*p about a mony making spam scam in MY diary thread, was really annoyed!

Have had quite a lazy morning, decided to take the anti-d's after discovering online that I've actually been prescribed prozac! And he told me it was mild!!!! But anyway........... havent actually got dressed yet and its 11:55am! Havent quite decided what to do with my day, might just do some little odd jobs around the house.

My flatmate is dropping my sick note into work for me, wasnt sure I could be bothered with it tofay, and is also going to photocopy it for me, I dont trust them now! Am also going to send letter to my investigator to try and put myself in some good light about not attending yesterday. I'll probs get a letter at some point but dependant on what it says I've got 10 days to appeal.

Other than that realised that even though I've got a sick note, I'll only get SSP and not company sick pay as I've already taken my allowance when I had food poisoning so money is going to be extremely tight next month. May have to re-work things so I'm only paying the minimum next month.

Have got 9 days until I get paid and I've just realised I've got the grand total of £35 left! Not sure how I managed to be so utterly cr*p with it again but will really need to work out a plan for next month for very strict budgetting!

Other than that, I'm going to spend a short period of time bagging up all my little change pots ready to take to the bank when I can be bothered! Must also try and do a little bit of prep for job interview..... and figure out what outfit to wear without spending any money

ZTD

CAFCGirl wrote:

Have had quite a lazy morning, decided to take the anti-d's after discovering online that I've actually been prescribed prozac! And he told me it was mild!!!!

It depends on the strength. Some doses of Prozac are used to stop children sleepwalking. Which is mild.

CAFCGirl wrote:

But anyway........... havent actually got dressed yet and its 11:55am!

That's hardly a crime, or if it was, I'd be sent away. I look at it like this: If trains can be on time if they're 10 mins late, then I can count the early afternoon as part of "morning".

CAFCGirl

lol i like the perspective ZTD!

I have achieve relatively nothing, and I'm not feeling too guilty just yet! I have hoovered though, had a shower and got dressed,oh and made my bed.
Spent 45 mins sitting outside reading a book which was a nice break, got a little bit of sun on my bod, vitamin d and all that!

I'm now going to lounge on the sofa and watch a dvd!

New worry is that I wont get any sick pay from work this week, so my pay will be a whole week down, so I dont think I'm actually going to be able to pay everything.any advice on that, anyone?