A Fool and Her Money- CAFCGIRL's Debt Diary

PeachPickle

That's so rubbish! Can you cancel the direct debit direct from the bank and tell orange you'll pay them by cheque or whatever from now on? Or do they charge more for that? Hope you've sent another complaint letter!

Is your boyfriend usually so incommunicative (really not sure that's a word now I've used it!) or is he just being especially so at the moment? Men can be really weird if they think you're interrogating them (or asking a perfectly reasonable question, to you and I)

happier things - used zanzeebar yet?

CAFCGirl

DD just makes it so much easier! I've been trying to get hold of them to change the direct debit day, I want it to come out on the 1st of each month! It's set up for the end of the month and it sometimes misses my payday etc.

Just cant believe how useless some places can be over things!

On a lighter note though, the boyf and me had another big chat, involving tears (mine) and some silence (his) lol. I know he doesnt mean to be the way he is, but I'm his first serious girlfriend so he's still finding his feet, but still not a total excuse.
But it was a good conversation, decided to really try and make more of an effort, he didnt realise that he'd left some questions marks over things from the first conversation. And I'm much happier now and we both agreed that we're responsible in part for lots of things. But its been nice since then.
Theres a small chance I may see him at the weekend, so heres to hoping!!!!

scottishspendaholic

Yay for you two CAFC girl!

Well done and here's hoping for a loved-up time at the weekend.

scottishspendaholic x

PeachPickle

Glad you got things slightly more sorted. Hope you get to see him this weekend so he can apologise properly

ZTD

PeachPickle wrote:

Glad you got things slightly more sorted. Hope you get to see him this weekend so he can apologise properly

On his knees.

CAFCGirl

As long as he comes bearing one if not more of the following:

Flowers
Cake
Chocolate
Cold Hard CASH!
Dinner
Massage (oh yeah!)

Then all may be forgiven........

Although slight rain cloud has now appeared............
Got letter this morning from my Head Office regarding an incident from about 5 weeks back (see earlier postings lol) and I've been informed I'm to attend a disciplinary hearing this tuesday (18th) so now I'm feeling a bit sick, although I dont think I did anything wrong maliciously, I've owned up to my part and now I just feel like it's all gonna be at my feet because Im bottom of the ladder.

So glad boyf is going to be here, hope i dont take it out on him too much though...........

oh ****!

PeachPickle

I hope for his sake he arrives with all of the above

Good luck for tuesday, I hope it goes well. At the very least it'll be dealt with and finished so you won't have it hanging over you anymore

CAFCGirl

All depends what the outcome of it all is though really............

So now I just get to stress out over that for the foreseeable.

He didnt arrive with any of the above, but he did buy and cook me dinner. Felt really ill all weekend, got to cinema ( as attempt to make more of an effort) only to have to leave before it started as I came over all weak and pale, couldnt stand etc, so not happy, got a refund though.......

CAFCGirl

1. 3 no spend days (should be easy, dont have much money!)
2. Sort out disciplinary meeting at work
3. Apply for lots of new jobs!!!!
4. Update budget spreadsheets
5. Plan what to do with week off from work, confirm dates at work
6. Try and cheer up, am having really bad fortnight just lately!
7. clean out rabbit
8. Bag up change pots
9. Eat contents of freezer for dinner this week, no to Tesco!!!!
Should be do-able


And theres the goals for this week, someone please remind me to do these!

CAFCGirl

OK peeps, have decided to be fully fledged and honest here.

Aside from being a bit under the weather from the food poisoning of last week, still feeling very "weird" (the best way I can describe it) this weekend, I just feel like a total waste........

So heres my honesty part, and in all seriousness it's not even about posting for responses, its more a post for me. Like I've said before, I dont really get out much, and don't have that many close friends to talk to, nor can I put all this on the boyfriend, coz it's just not fair on him.

I just feel like suddenly everything has come crashing down around me. Yes I know my debts are minimal to some people but I hate it none the same and it's all relative, I dont feel like I'm living. I know I spent it all on credit and thats my own fault for not having anything to show for it, but its just depressing, logging on to my bank to see that nothing is really changing from one month to the next. The debts don't appear to be getting any smaller, theres so many things I want to do in my life that I just dont seem to be able to achieve.

Then work has just hit the fan, theres the possibility that I might lose my job and I dont know what I would do it that happened. I can't seem to look on the brightside of anything anymore. I hate working in retail but dont seem to be able to make a change, without making the debts worse, so I feel like Im stuck and its not as if I even earn that much money now.

I see the world around me all seeming quite happy and carefree and I just want to get back to that.Part of me thinks if I just moved back to my parents, then I'd save so much money, but I'd be so god damn unhappy there, but then I'm hardly bowled over here. They live in a horrible area, and I used to get bullied there, so still have scars etc but its just so hard seeing any way out right now.

I'm gonna try and make a doctors appointment for thursday, part of me knows that realistically I wont, I'll bottle it, how do I tell them how I feel without just looking like some melodramatic 20 yr old whose just finding her feet in life. I dont want them to look at me with pity, and to not take me seriously but then if they do take me seriously I'm not sure I'm ready to hear the answer they're gonna give me.

I dont even know how to put the feelings into words, I just feel so lost and alone.I wake up every morning and have to fight with myself to get dressed, then I come home, I can't even be bothered to try and hold polite conversation with my flat mate, I just want to be alone all the time, I cry myself to sleep most nights and dont feel like anyone is going to understand any of the mess that comes out of my mouth.

I just dont know what I'm doing anymore if I'm honest and I'm not sure how I can find out either!

I'm sobbing my heart out just typing this, I feel so guilty and so ashamed for what I've got myself into, I feel angry with certain situations that I dont feel were my doing and yet I seem to be the only person who has to pay the price. I know we all have days when things just dont seem to go right, but I just feel like my life hasnt been going right for months now.......

I dont know how to finish this or what I'm even looking for, I don't feel an better for writing it, but I dont feel any worse, so who knows........