Would a reckless spender put you off a relationship?

brranger

Kevicho wrote:

After seeing the thread regarding debt keeping us single, I thought about it on the flip side, as this is quite relevant to me at the moment.

If you liked someone but they have a reckless attitude to spending (ie it all went on going out, nothing in savings) would that put you off? (i know it does me)

Well done on getting on the newsletter.
I'm not to miffed Well done nice twist.

JacquieH_2

Anastacia wrote:

Perhaps its time to start AN MSE singles club ?

Anastacia

I dabble a bit on Internet dating....(DatingDirect.com is a good site) and I AVOID any guy with a high income!! Not sure why.....but having got myself out of a £30k debt, no assets and no work to just solvent and running my own business in 10 years....I'm not about to start messing around with finances again! Guess I'm proud of what I have acheived....so I'm keeping it for myself and my 4 dogs!!!:shhh:
Maybe I'll change my mind when the White Charger shrieks to a halt at my door! Thank goodness for this site!!

deejay62

Having read all your posts, (thanks, they do while away the hours and are something for me to do rather than go out shopping!!!:D) I'd like to reply.
No1: The singles club sounds great!!
No2: I would love someone to spend recklessly on me after spending 12 years with a tight fisted *** person who would never buy a round of drinks but expected to be bought one in another persons round and that's just one of the things that annoyed me!!
No3: Saying that, I wouldn't want to live with someone who just spent and spent and spent, I like to save and have a cushion to fall on if needed.

Kevicho

brranger wrote:

Well done on getting on the newsletter.
I'm not to miffed Well done nice twist.

Lol i didnt notice the first time

It just goes to show what a boring week it has been

MortgageMamma

highguyuk wrote:

Surely if you like the person, or even fall in love with them, then whatever happens you can sort it out together.

On a first date or meeting, you don't ask how much debt do they have ... so by the time your 3 months down the line and you find out about there finances, what you going to do ... walk out straight away? I'd like to think if that happened I would want to help and get them on the straight and narrow ... and I'd like to think most people would want to do the same thing! Help the other person out, not just run away!

This is what I thought when I met who is now my husband. 6 months into living with me he announced he was 60k in debt - he ws still having his mail sent to his mother so I didnt have a clue, and his meager 1k wage a month couldnt pay it. BY that time I had a baby on the way, so I sold my house and used the little bit of equity there was to pay most of his debts. We moved into rented accom. 1 year later, he was at the same level of debt again and had to declare himself bancrupt. He is now discharged but still as irresponsible as ever. We have three kids, he still only earns 1k a month, he still runs up debts (last week he gambled away £600 in a day) and I have to work my @ss of to pay for his spending. It really hacks me off and has left me in a situation where I am only with him as I need him to watch the kids whilst I work (I work irregular hours). In short, I'm trapped.

The moral of the story is, NEVER settle with someone who has bad debt problems unless the show consistency sorting them out for themselves, NEVER sell your property to help them and NEVER underestimate the benefits of having a financially sound and responsible partner! Oh. and try and avoid breeding with one of these compulsive spending creatures if you can

2Princess_Mum

sarah0404 wrote:

I am serious about being debt free. I feel like I have a new outlook on life, and see how stupid credit cards and loans are. If we just wait a little bit longer we can save up and pay for things outright. Even a stupid 10k car :mad: I have 3 small children and I worry about their futures. When I die (I'm only 25 so not planning on it anytime soon) all they will inherit is a bunch of debts. What if one (or all!) want to go to university. I will have no money to help them out. At the worst point of my debt I couldn't even buy bread and milk. I had to feed them porridge for breakfast, lunch and tea for 3 or 4 days! (OH came home from work and ordered takeaway for his tea on credit card! I don't even have access to credit cards! Maybe he doesn't trust me :eek: ) I also worry about not having a pension. I have not worked since I was 20. I'm not planning on working for the while. I'm home educating my children, so it's not very easy for me to get a job. What will happen to me when I'm old? Who knows if state pensions will still be around?

SO...... after a lot of thinking, I have decided if he starts overspending again, I'm going to have to leave him. Who knows what I will do, how I will survive, and even if I can walk away from our joint debts, but I need to provide a financially secure future for my children. I do NOT ever ever again want to be feeding them porridge because I can't afford to buy anything else.

Sarah0404 I so feel your pain. With me it's a case of my ex always wanting to seem as though he's always flush with money, but strangely these days he has a habit of being short on the child maintenance (funny that).

There are many times in retrospect I wish I had the view of debt that my father did. He has never owned a credit card, and the only debt he has EVER had was the mortgage. Whatever he needed he would save up and pay cash. He was never motivated or duped into buying in the sales. Currently my view on money has changed. I had four credit cards, paid one off in full and closed the account, the others I am paying off and I use one for emergencies. My aim is to owe nothing on my credit cards as I now resent the ease in which it can be used, only to find yourself stuggling every month. I want to spend MY money, not anyone else's. There have been many times when (and admittedly entirely my own fault) I had to use my savings to clear my debts (threatening letters from banks; overdrafts, you know the deal), and it becomes unbearable.

I'm lucky in that my parents live close by so when things get rough we can pop round and have a hot meal, I can chill and mum doesn't mind taking the reigns while I have a well deserved breather.

I try not to let money worries stress me out. Nowadays I pay all my bills first and save the rest. I was planning to return to work in the summer, but with another bun in the oven employers generally won't tough you with a barge pole, so thats put paid to that. Therefore I ensure that the bills are paid, I save a little something for the future of my princesses, and am currently saving up for a people carrier as the current mode of transport (pre children) just doesn't cut it anymore.

But if you feel that you live as though you may as well be single, then just be single. Life (especially with children) is always harder on your own, but for your own sanity, and for your childrens happinesss, it is often the best way. My situation is different in that I have never lived with my children's father, as much as he wanted to be with us, and as much as I tried to encourage it it just never really happened. I can speculate why but to be honest I don't really care anymore. My saving grace is that I have only had my own debts to stress about, as he has always generally been quite guarded about the fact that he always seems to be loaded (I suspect maxing out the credit cards, making full use of overdrafts and taking out numerous loans is the answer)

Just be happy with what you have that makes you happy, and work towards the things that will enrich your life further.

Remember there are many out there like you who come out better on the other side. Keep your head up

2PM

Kaminari_2

I would avoid a reckless spender.

It took me 6 months to realise my OH was one when i met him. I moved in with him and his parents and between not having any space of my own and the money issue i told him i couldn't handle it anymore and that i was either going to have to go it alone or he was going to have to change. As i believe that you should never try to change another person i was ready to go it alone.
He agreed to sitting down and working out how much he owed and a payment plan. It was hard for him to actually tell me what he owed because like most addictions it is admitting you have a problem to take the first step to getting over it.
He has had a few slip ups over the last three years but he has stopped going backward and in 3 months time he will be debt free. I am so proud of him.

Love did win in my case but i strongly believe that the odds are stack against it.

kiwigirl

My answer now would be no.

I was with someone for 4 years and throughout that time I had to pay for most items, although he was earning £14k and I was a student, when I gradutated I was expected to take responsibility for the mortgage and everything. I used to buy presents for my family at £20, birthdays, Christmas etc, I used to go halves on his lot and nothing under £100!!! He was a spender and as I only had my student loan / grant, I didn't have much...

A few months ago, I was chatted up by my boss, who desperately tried to impress me after telling me that he wanted a bit of fun and not wanting a serious relationship at time, I thought no - not with a boss, but I was told how he has 3 houses and will get his DD through private school etc, he's on a good wage. One of the questions he asked me was how much money I had in bank!! We weren't even dating, I just said no debts - owed a bit of money to parents to help me buy a car but that was nearly finished otherwise 1 student loan at around £150 which wasn't worth clearing outright. I told him that I wouldn't be used as my ex had done and as we weren't dating - he'd made that clear didn't want to date staff and I didn't want a quick fling with him, I wasn't intending to discuss if I had £500 or £50k in bank!

Wonder if he'll now be in touch considering he knows I have a bit of a payout when I left the workplace!!! Got told I'm highly likely to receive a call from him wanting to date me now! If the same thing i.e. bit of fun, it'll be a no again.

So no I don't think I could date someone who was a spendaholic, been there done that, ok fair enough not inside all the time but not in pub every night either.

HappySad

Important to have simliar view about money. If you they are very different then problems can occur. If you have separate accounts then you can spend your own money then have a joint account and spend that on shared things.

skintchick

I've just been on holiday visiting a friend and we had almost the exact same conversation.

I said I would prefer someone with little or no debt, but that the important thing would be their spending/saving habits. Basically, they'd have to be frugal and sensible.

she thought I was being judgemental, but I think you need to be compatible financially almost more than sexually.